Top 10 TV Shows: #1: Friends

Obvi no surprises here BW. Instead of talking about my love for tha show (which YAK if U R a tru blog fan, or can see by googleing Friends in the little bar at tha top right part of tha blog), I'm instead going to talk about why I'm more qualified to make that assessment that any of you posers and why I would clobber any of you at Friends trivia. 

First though, I'll get it out of tha way why it outweighs all. To put it in perspective, Breaking Bad's finale had 10.3 million viewers.  Friends had 52.5 million viewers #unmatched. Obvi, I'd get a lot of hoola for this comparison ("but Buff, AMC isn't a major network, Friends was too generic, more people were streaming it online" or other goofy claims), but without getting into the substance of why Friends is good, it is the only 21st century show that has hit 50 million views (which it did on multiple episodes). I'll cut the cord on Halloweenjitsu when some other show comes close. No one will come close to taking that challenge.  Everyone keep me posted LOL.

Now that I've taken care of that a further background is necessary: in like May of 2008, played M.A. in a game of Friends Scene It. I may or may not have been drinking and missed a single question and managed to give up the board to her. Ever since then, haters have been skeptical. More recently, another J.D. also claimed he could beat me.

This is all nonsensical.

Assuming arguendo, that the 2008 game wasn't a fluke and I was just actually out-Friended (lol) I've been putting in tha work for the last few years. Think about it, since the Summer of 2008 I've fallen asleep with tha TV on exclusively to tha show Friends. Even assuming that I only watch 2 episodes a night before I fall asleep*fn1, which is a fucking conservative estimate, and also assuming I haven't watched any eps the rest of the day (also generous), this means I've watched 4,015 episodes of Friends since I've started watching the show religiously.*fn2

For you friends rookies out there (pay attention M.A.), there are 236 episodes of Friends. Obvi, I probably haven't watched all episodes equally.*fn3 Nevertheless, this mean that since the last time I fell short in a game of competitive trivia, I have seen each episode an additional 17 times.*fn4 AND THAT'S ASSUMING I ONLY WATCH THA TWO EPS BEFORE I GO TO BREAD. 

Long story short, 
a) this is the greatest TV show of all time. 
b) I would pwn anyone at it.

*FN1: I know what you're thinking- but Buff what about tha 3 day benders you go on every fall and all those nights not spent in your own bread? Well, my ill informed friends, think about what hit TV show I would recover to all day on a Sunday (and maybe Monday if it was a bad one lol). 

*FN2: I've always slept with the TV on since I moved upstairs in the Pinecone (circa August 2006). However, at that time I am sure that I didn't own all of the seasons of Friends. To pinpoint when I started watching Friends religiously, I had to flashback to when I was seeing certain LFs and figure out if a) the TV was on with them and b) if it was Friends. To the best of my recollection, I slept with the TV on during my sowing my wild oats stage of 2006, and past the SS era of most of 2007 (even at this time I ruled at Friends and consistently took her to town on Friends Scene It). Early 2008 had some Friends, but I don't think I made a full commitment to falling asleep to the show until I had counter-resistance from AM in the fall of 2008 when she wanted to fall asleep to these hippie shows other than Friends so I made it a full time deal.Even with more recent candidates (KB, WU, GG, AH2013), they've all been on board with tha show.

*FN3: Season 10 makes me sad because the show is ending LOL.Tha last scene was tha only TV show that's ever made me tear up lol.

*FN4: Since last fall, I've mostly watched the blu-ray eps of Friends which are shorter and also the ones that are still replayed on TV, so I may be a little off my game. I've committed to the transition back to DVD since November 1st of this year.

Top 10 TV Shows #2: The Sopranos

BW, tha second best TV show of all time is tha hit HBO show THE SOPRANOS.

1) I know most of you think my movie/tv taste is awful (which I guess from an objective standpoint isn't totally off tha mark), but I think everyone recognizes that this show is top notch. As I've previously mentioned before, "The Sopranos rules."

2) Where to start. Obvi tha characters are good. Tony has his ups and downs (well obvi with tha MH problems lol) but is tight. I think my fave was always Pauly. He reminded me of my non-gangster self, in that he was kind of a savant about a lot of things, never really found a way to settle down, and had that sick haircut.

3) And tha plot development was tight. Although I've put to bed the haters, the mystery of if Tony died or didn't die was fitting for a show where Tony never found tranquility or consistency, whether in regards to his mental health issues, his relationship with his family, or his control over tha mob family.

4) My only beef with the show (besides tha legions of you n00bs that think he dies), were those episodes where he is in tha coma and keeps thinking he is Kevin Finnerty. They give me the willies for 2 many reasons to go into, but lets just say RIP to Kevin Finnerty.

ELEVEN

Top 10 TV Shows: #3: Beavis and Butthead

Tha third best television show of all time is the hit animated feature BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD. It's so good for so many reasons:

1) They've spawned so many one-liners that have made their way into my everyday vocabulary. The whole "uhhhhhhhhhhhh" thing obvi is tha biggest one. One of their scenes from the iconic movie Beavis and Butthead Do America is a top 10 scene of all time. All of their music videos reviews were pretty awesome as well.

2) As many of you will recall, B&B originally went off tha air in 1997. All of those hit DVDs we watched @ tha cone were all 10-15 years old at the time and still OTC. Even tha new season was top notch.Tha crying episode, tha ep where they just sit around having dreams all day, hell even tha Christmas episodes were pretty good (bah humbug btw).

3) I think a lot of it had to do with the main plots lines:
a) To B&B, tv >>>> everything. I tend to agree with that assessment.
b) Going to school sucks. I won't endorse that but you know...
c) Pursuing ladies and laying around eating food from the gas station. I'd tune into that. 

3) To top it off, they even had a pretty sick Halloween episode.

To paraphrase Beavis, this show kicks ass lol. 

Top 10 TV Shows: #4: Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Tha 4th best show of all time is SVU. You know (not to spoil any of tha rest of tha countdown) tha longer tha show goes without any giant hiccups really should speak volumes about tha show.

1) As I've mentioned before, the show is generally solid. There's only a few eps of SVU where I was just standing, screaming at tha top of my lungs about how good they were, but there was never really a long stretch of eps that were horrible.

2) In fact, me and bricker watched the entirety of season 12 in like a day and a half when we were bored. AND it was tha 12th season. It's not like some new gem we stumbled upon (that most of you hippy bloggers constantly tweet about seeing on netflix smh lol), but it's the same old good shit. 

3) And to be honest, Olivia just keeps getting better looking.

4) The downside, and obvi, way that this show could end up crapping out is when the whole cast dies off. I mean, how sad was it when Stabler left? Munch left this season, and rumor is Capt. Cragen is leaving soon too. I mean, starstruck Buffalo always secretly hoped that El and Liv would return for one final go around :(

Top 10 TV Shows: #5: Buckwild

One of the best parts about the magical year of 2013 was the introduction of one of television's greatest shows (#5): BUCKWILD.

Where do I even begin?!?! - Rural country living? Check. - Hot country babe looking to settle down? Check. - A bunch of country music? Check. 

AND THE HIT STAR OF THE SHOW TWEETED AT HALLOWEENJITSU ABOUT HER FAVORITE HORROR MOVIE!!!!

Even with only 1 season, it made its mark on television.

DAMN STRAIGHT

Top 10 TV Shows: #6: Dexter

1)  Part of the problem with my delay in blogging is that I have shows ranked in certain numbers prior to seeing how the rest of the season folds out. (For example, the last season of Eastbound and Down was actually pretty solid.)

2) That being said, this last season was still stop notch sans tha final episode. Really it was one of the better seasons since those first few that were so OTC.

3) I also give this show more credit b/c I always wanted to tune in for new eps and it kept my attention pretty well.

4) Random side note: whoever the girl that played Hannah and Julia Stiles also bumped this up a notch or two <3

I wavered on this a month or two ago but feel pretty solid that this should be #6.

Top 10 Scariest Movies: #1 : The Exorcist

Obvi the number one scariest movie of all time is tha hit movie The Exorcist. And, young Buff said it best in 2010:

"2) Really one of the most objectively scary movies of all time. There's kind of the weird creepy parts like where she pees herself, or where the wigi board thing is moving. But theres also the real scary stuff, like when she spins her head around, or when she walks on her hands backwords down the staircase.
3) I think it's also creepy b/c of the whole devil thing. Back in the day when I used to watch days of our lives, Marlana got possessed by the devil and the VHS recording I took just blacked out the whole devil part. Spooky shit like that scares the bejesus out of me."

 Even watching the edited version of this is creepy. 

 

Top 10 Scariest Movies: #2: The Exorcism of Emily Rose

Sorry for the delay bw- that Halloween hangover always TKO's me for a min. On that note, Buff always appreciates all the Happy Halloween messages :) Anywho, the second scariest movie of all time is tha Exorcism of Emily Rose.

1) I saw this movie back in 2005ish in AMac's mom's (EMac's) basement with Sagar and him. We shut off all of tha lights and it was pretty spooky.

2) Besides all of the spooky out of the blue scenes, I think I put it best in 2010 when I said:

"I think the movie's scary because it's whole theme is whether or not these shenanigans could be true or not. It's like the Chucky movies where all the non-believers get mowed down, only here its all the atheist people (and some of the catholics). I need to start going back to church."


3) Tha follow up to this is that after tha movie was over I had to go to bread. Only I was staying in an empty room at tha AMacian household that had two entrances and had some crosses hanging around it. Pretty scary. I woulda slept with AMac but he snored too much lol.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everyone! Try to enjoy tha best day of tha year today :)

Top 10 Scary Movies: #3: The Omen

#3 is both the older Omen and tha new Omen.

In regards to the first one:

"One of the few movies I ever jumped out of my seat for. An old lady friend and I watched it with speakers right behind us when the babysitter starts staring at that dog and then that creepy music comes on. I dunno why it was so spooky. I'm not scared of dogs, or of crazy babysitters, but some combination of the three was creepy as hell."


And the newer one was probably worse: 

"The nightmares the mom has are spooky as fuck. Another jitsu movie that scared me was that eyes wide shut one b/c of all the masks in it. In the Omen she has these dreams where she shuts the mirror and the devil mask thing pops up and its scary as fuck. and how scary is that little kid? jesus h. christ."

And obvi from tha picture above. The scene where the nanny/babysitter just randomly yells at Damien "It's all for you"** and then just hangs herself. That's pretty scary.  

**Get it Jon, it's all for you lol.**

 

Top 10 Scary Movies: #4 : Paranormal Activity 3

#4 is Paranormal Activity 3.

Now I know what you all are thinking: "Buff, that's pretty lame. All these paranormal movies are overdone and really the same movie over and over again."

While there's some truth to this, PN3 really sets itself apart from tha rest:

"Top notch spooky stuff. One of the things that scares the bejesus out of me is when people are just standing somewhere staring at you for no reason. I think it's why The Strangers really spooked the hell out of me. This movie was just chalked full of this little ghost chick standing and staring. Really spooky. Movies with scary little kids also give me the willies and this had a bunch of them running around too."

Also, all the old women just popping out at the end was unexpected and startled the shit out of me. It's a movie that I've watched a few times, and all tha times I've jumped out of my seat. Me and imfr0d0 even had to sit by Alan because it got so spooky at the end lol.

Top 10 Scary Movies: #5 : The Box

#5 is THA BOX.

I could've sworn I reviewed this movie. The cliff notes version is it is really a truly horrible movie and quickly delves into some rando NSA- human evolution- government conspiracy movie that sucks. Nevertheless, the first 45 minutes are terrifying.

a) There's a scene where this babysitter is talking to the kid and this figure comes up in the window and looks at tha babysitter and just stares. Really scary stuff.

b) Then when they're at a banquet the dude looks at this creepy picture and then this scary waiter looks at him and does the shhh thing to him. Fucking frightening.


***Edit*** I realize that after reviewing the above three paragraphs, none of them really make any sense. It's one of those movies you have to watch to really get what I'm talking about (unlike Annie Hall or Eyes Wide Shut).

**Random other aside. I usually hate it when people gooze over a critically acclaimed movie and then have no support for their love of it rather than "buff you're so stupid, if you'd just watch it you'd understand. Nevertheless, I'm confident it's still scary despite my horrible description of it.

Top 10 Scary Movies: #6: Saw

Tha 6th scariest movie of all time is the 2004 hit SAW.

Obvi the freaky doll is pretty scary. As I explained previously:

"The first time I saw it I was at the old Milhouse/ATM/Toromir house sleeping on the couch. I kept freaking out that the scary little doll guy who rides the tricycle would come down the hall at me."

The other scary ass part of it is when the little girl keeps saying that someone is hiding in her closet and then SOMEONE IS ACTUALLY IN HER CLOSET. It's another reason I'm scared to have kids. If they think the boogeyman is in their closet, I sure don't want to go look and actually find someone there SMH.

Scariest Movies of All Time: #7: Beetlejuice

Wgbw, #7 on tha scariest movie countdown is the horror- (but not really) comedy Beetlejuice.

A few reasons this movie is so scary

a) Beetlejuice is a scary dude. He looks creepy, has all those bugs and shit falling from him, and talks all crazy. He really reminds me of those guys standing outside the haunted houses that try to scare you while you're standing in line (which actually works but is the subject of a whole other post).

b) I used to have this recurring nightmare (knock on wood) that Beetlejuice was under my bed and kept trying to wreck havoc on me.

c) It is really a movie about what happens when you die which brings up that whole notion of eternity that scares the lights out of me.

Scary stuff.

Scariest Movies of All Time: #8: The Amityville Horror (2005)

#8 is the hit 2005 remake of The Amityville Horror.

Someone look at that picture and tell me that's not spooky. I obvi get spooked out by creepy little kids easy (see prior posts here, here, and here) (and probably a reason I'm spooked to ever have kids lol).

This movie was just full of scary little kids popping up left and right. And the girl stands on tha top of the house (heights give me the willies too). Ryan Reynolds is kind of jitsu in it, but with all the creepy haunted people and other little kids, this one is spooky as shit

The Thing (1982)

1) Despite my personal love of aliens, I never really can dig the alien movies very well. I used to love tha Unsolved Mysteries about aliens and I have always wanted to go alien hunting in Oregon, but for whatever reason Hollywood can't put together a solid movie about tha subject.

2) Part of the problem is that this isn't a story about some abduction or anything. It's just these explorers in the Arctic find some organism that can transform into anything it takes over. And then they just keep suspecting the other ones of being taken over. It's kind of like The Faculty but not a teen thriller and based in somewhere cold and boring.

3) To be honest I fell asleep in the middle of the movie (I h8 napping lol) but didn't really feel like I missed much. I assumed some people that were no longer in the movie got killed off but besides that think I pretty much got the gist of it.

4) There's a tool shed in tha movie lol.

It's long and not much happens

C-

Scariest Movies of All Time: #9: Child's Play 2

Wgbw, the 9th scariest movie of all time is tha hit movie Child's Play 2.

Nostradamus Buffalo was up to it again:

"It used to be one of the scariest movies of all time. I saw this when I was in the 6th grade and it literally scarred me for the better part of a decade." (emphasis added).

Now I know I've been given a lot of shit about this throughout my undergrad years, but someone seriously look at that picture and tell me you're not scared. 

Creepy stuff, 

Scariest Movies of all time: #10: Jeepers Creepers

The #10 scariest movie of all time is the mediocre teen thriller Jeepers Creepers.

And in a really eery fashion, Nostradamus Buffalo predicted this almost verbatim in his review of it two years ago (see above link):

"The first 30 minutes of this was scary as nuts. Really freaky when they see the crazy guy throwing bodies into that well and then having him go run them off the road. Really like a top 10 scary scene. Even that stupid Jeepers Creepers song is pretty scary." (Emphasis added)

The more Buff's thoughts change, the more they remain the same. Obvi this movie wasn't as scary when you found out the guy had wings and stuff. But the opening scene was still spooky.

A second reason this movie is so crazy is that I have a weird pet peeve of people staring at me from far away places. One time me and Buns0n were talking about this on the way to Hays and I asked him if it would spook him out if some woman dressed in all white was just standing out in the field staring at us. He just shook his head but you get what I mean.
 

Son of Dracula (1943)

1) These mid 20th century movies are growing on me (well sort of). Maybe it's because the plots are pretty easy to understand and the length of the movies accommodates my ADD.

2) That being said I still don't know why it's titled "Son of Dracula." I don't remember him popping a kid out in the original, but I guess I didn't see the Dracula's Daughter one either so maybe I am just out of the loop.

3) That was some crazy weird soap opera love triangle stuff going on here. I mean, the chick ditches her boyfriend for Alucard (which is Dracula spelled backwards lol), but only to become immortal so she can then turn the bf into a vampire and TKO the actual dracula. And then at tha end she gets crossed by her bf. You give someone the gift of immortality and they take it out on you by destroying your coffin smh...

4) I guess this was the first Dracula movie to ever show a person transforming into a bat. Must've been wild in 1943 lol.

B-

Top 10 Scariest Movies

Wgbw, this year I'll be counting down tha top 10 scariest movies of all time.

I was going to do my top 10 favorite horror movies, but I figured the brighter blog followers could just click on the A+ rankings to put two and two together.

In no particular order, the following factors will be used

1) Longevity- in terms of how long it was scarier for or if it still scares me now.

2) Instantaneous scariness- sometimes I couldn't sit threw tha movie even tho it wasn't really scary a day afterwards.

3) Whatever else I decide at whim lol

Stay tuned

The Conjuring

1) I don't know if it was really anything groundbreaking. When this first came out all I heard was "omg scariest movie i've ever seen" and had out-of-control good it was. I'm really not that hard to impress so it's not like this movie had a terribly high burden to overcome. 

2) But don't get me wrong it was okay. That doll was spooky as nuts; the ghost popping up in the little girl's door was creepy, and that whole hand clapping thing would have made me jump if I hadn't seen it on the cover already.

3) Maybe my beef with it isn't so much that it wasn't good, but more so that it just re-invented the wheel. It just seems like a huge mix of other horror movies. It starts off as Dead Silence with the creepy doll that is writing scary shit. It then turns into  The Amityville Horror (and sort of Sinister) where the family moves into a house and shit gets all creepy. It's Poltergeist (and for that matter a little bit of Insidious) where the family has to have some investigators come look into the house. And it concludes with the re-done Exorcist scene that has already had too many knockoffs.

4) Was it scary? Obvi. Was it worth all the hoopla it got? Probably not. Be a good movie to take a LF to go see, but don't be too amped up about it.

B+

The Blob (1958)

1) Now I know what most of you are thinking: Where have I heard of this movie before? If you answered "I saw it on the hit TV show Friends" then you'd be correct. You see it in tha video store on the One Where Monica and Richard are Just Friends (Season 4 obvi).

2) That being said, hats off to Buff for reviewing these classic movies from tha 50s that are part of tha Criterion Collection.

3) I actually thought it was pretty solid. It's like these people start seeing some blob/virus thing take over some dude and then it just grows and grows and keeps on consuming people. The real problem is the bigger it gets, the less scary it actually is. I mean, if you're driving down tha rode and see a gigantic pulsating red blob just inhaling everything just turn the fucking car around. Really not rocket science.

4) And did I just miss the boat on why the blob is afraid of tha cold?  Is the end of the movie just them dropping the blob off in some cold place out in tha middle of nowhere? #LOL. Might as well have just thrown it in one of those giant freezers or something.

Not bad for being so old,

C+

Witchboard

1) I was hoping this would have something to do with witches so I could bump that category up but turns out it was just about one of those goofy ouija boards smh.

2) There's a guy named Jim in it and they say his name like 23432 times. The ouija board spells J-I-M. For those of you who aren't familar with JIM, in American Reunion the "don't be a p**** Jim" part is super funny. (For more historical background on my use of the term "Jim's house" see the review of the below average Edward Scissorhands).

3) It was really pretty boring. I mean, the beginning was tight when they were summoning spirits but then it was just some dude from the board trying to wreck havoc the whole time. And how dumb is it to shoot the ouija board? It's like, you've already summoned some spirit out of it. What the hell is shooting it gonna do? 

4) There's a guy who says he is a cop in the "bomb squad and truancy division." What a law enforcement combo.

Even looking at the movie poster I dunno why I thought this would be good,

D

After.Life

1) I figured this had to be good. Had Christina Ricci from tha hit Adams Family movies, Jason Long from tha hit movie Drag Me to Hell. I'm not too wild about Liam Neeson but whatever. But unfortunately it was not very good. It took me all of two minutes to figure out that Liam is just some guy who has this morbid obsession of pretending that people are dead. I almost fell asleep just trying to blog about this.

2) It was also a long, drawn out emo movie. Lots of artistic shots that looked like they were off of instagram of stuff that doesn't matter. Lot's of diddle-daddling around the stupid funeral home for no reason. Lot's of slow music that just was on loop for almost two hours.

3) Believe it or not, I got bored during the movie. Actually there was this long stretch of the movie where I got so bored that I ate a whole 14 oz bag of Starburst jelly beans and now there are jelly beans all under the covers of my bread smh.

4) And to top it off, the whole movie concerns my least favorite subject of all time: eternity. In fact, eternity freaks me out so much that I will probably never blog about it because thinking about it for too long gives me the fucking willies.

I'd bury this movie alive lol,

D

The Wolf Man (1941)

1) Buff went back to 1941 tonight bw. I'm obvi not wild about these old movies, but the one thing about them that does appeal to me is that they are well under my 90 minute attention span. (Also, Hutchy, our dog, really was tuning into the hairy wolf guy. He kept barking thinking some other dog was in the house lol.)

2) Really a pretty solid movie for it being so old. It's a pretty simple story. Guy roles into town, tries to court this lady, gets bit by a werewolf, and then becomes one. Now he knows he's a werewolf and is trying to leave before making it rain on everyone. It's obvi where An American Werewolf in London got its vibe from.

3) In all reality it probably had to be pretty hard to get bit by the werewolf in the first place. Like in the remakes or in Red Riding Hood, the wolf is actually pretty fast. But here it's just like some giant guy in a gorilla suit stumbling around trying to get you.  I'll bet even Jon laced up in his track suit could escape the guy.

4) Overall it was pretty clutch through and through. Short, to the point, had fog, and explained the basic background requirements associated with werewolves. Definitely a good introductory movie for fans new to tha genre.

B

The Purge

 1) I think it was supposed to have some social message undertones. For example, there's this part at the beginning where the purge starts and they let this dude running around outside into the house. Then this group of upper class n00bs comes and says to give him up or they'll TKO the whole family. Then there's this utilitarian/ethics debate amongst the family where they can't decide whether to give the stranger to the mob or to not do it and all die. DB said there was some social significance to other lines in tha movie but I don't really remember them lol.

2) That was a long #1 point lol.

3) My biggest beef with tha movie is that (putting aside the absurd plot) how woefully unprepared the family is for anything. I mean, even in tha movie Fear they can explain the lackluster security on Reese Witherspoon's character coughing up the code to the house. Here, not only do they
a) let in a total stranger on the worst possible day; they also b) then let him run around the house for 30 minutes without looking for him; c) all of while their teenage daughter is no where to be found; and d) they split up. As I was explaining earlier to DB, why on God's green earth would you divide and conquer around the house to find some total stranger? And even at the end of it, why don't they do something about those crazy neighbors. I mean, THEY JUST SANG THAT CRAZY ANTHEM AROUND YOU WHILE TELLING YOU THEY WERE GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOUR FAMILY. Do you really need a reason to not let them hang out at the dinner table with you?

4)  I don't really know how good a sequel to this could really be. At the end of the day I don't think the family will let anyone into the house again lol.

Ethan Hawke has been pretty mediocre in these B- horror movies so far (see Sinister). I don't know that I'd be lining up outside the movie theater to see him star in another one of these.

Thanks Obama, 

B-

Almost half way there :(

Alright bw, it's almost halfway through October (smdh), but I'm always a glass is half full kind of person (lol).

I have some movies earmarked to review the next 18 days (some way older classics, and some of the new 2013 ones I haven't schwangled yet), but didn't know if tha fans had any (non-bad) suggestions.

Also I usually do some sort of Halloween theme countdown each year (2012 was horror villains, 2011 was stars before they were famous, 2010 was just awesome). Let me know if anyone has any suggestions.

As always, can comment, tweet, or email :)

-buff

The Hole (2009)

1) I know this isn't Academy Award winning material, but the title sounded funny (lol), it was less than 90 minutes long, and that really good looking chick from American Reunion has a 10 second part in it lol.

2) Really reminded me of Disturbia. Screw-up kid has new neighbors, gets a thing for the girl next door, finds a hobby together scoping out some creepy stuff. Also tailed off into a less scary version of the movie IT (which btw I keep forgetting to review).

3) Which is also where the movie went kinda downhill. I mean, they figure out that the only things creeping out of this hole are things that scare you, and if you can just not be afraid of them anymore then you're g2g. Kind of begs the question why the hole isn't constantly opening up to freak out the entire neighborhood.

4) I mean, the big scary monster at the end of the movie is the kid's dad. If the hole really works like this, I hate to see what other "scary monsters" could pop out? I can just see someone's fear of settling down causing a bunch of clingy girls to jump out of there; or a bunch of gun control laws popping out to scare Maker lol.

C-

Friends: the One with the Halloween Party

Bw, as it may or may not surprise you, my favorite month of tha year is October. Now I know everyone gets that I take time off of work to lay around watching scary movies every October. But someone once asked me, "buff, what do you do the other 11 months of the year?" And without hesitation I reply, "fall asleep to the hit tv show Friends."

The one (obvi) very minor drawback to the show is that it only references Halloween a few times in the show and only has 1 episode that is about halloween (I'll bet that poser Maddie can't name tha other few smh lol). That being said, here's the run down:

1) Obvi a really solid episode all tha way around. Mona's in it which is tight. She's the second chick that I wish wouldn't have gotten kicked off tha show (besides Kathy, man was she tight - and speaking of which, anyone get that Chandler's dressed like the character in Kathy's favorite book - start taking notes Maddie).

2) This is also the last major literary work that Sean Penn can be seen in that doesn't actually suck. If you don't believe me you should go check out This Must be the Place.

3) Except for the absence of any scary movies going on in the background, a good solid effort here,

A

Seed of Chucky

1) While we we're in the spirit of Chucky I figured that I'd round out the series by reviewing this turd of a movie. Definitely the lowest of low for the franchise. It totally explains why they were so apprehensive about funding another movie after this one.

2) Not a lot of it makes sense or was really funny. I mean, Redman makes a cameo for almost no real purpose. Chucky drives Britney Spears off the road and makes an "opps I did it again" joke. And how'd Glen get tha British voice? Smh.

3) You remember the first time you got JWW's Taiwan file? He's hyped it up the whole summer, it's like 600 some odd pages, and has like 18 different chapters. You're like WOW, I can't wait to get a hold of this. Then you realize that you might as well have just donated all that paper to the local pet store to give the birds something to crap on. (LOL JK JON).

Likewise, here, the whole movie, you sit here, watching it, hoping it gets better. And then it just gets worse and worse. Jennifer Tilly gets pregnant from Chucky's semen that his lady friend impregnated her with. I mean do I really need to go much further into it than that?

Eh, it's still Chucky,

C-

Curse of Chucky

1) Super pumped that one of the original horror villains that ruined the better part of my adolescence has returned. And not returned in the comedic-horror genre, but an attempt at returning to Chucky's roots. This musical ensemble (lol @ the academy awards) was so tight b/c the music was super scary tha whole time. Tight they brought back tha original voice of Chucky too.

2) And it wasn't just a shitty remake. At first I thought Chucky was just gonna run a train on some strangers. Then tha movie explains the family that Chucky was terrorizing was actually a family that (25 years ago) he was wrecking havoc on with when he ran from the police during the opening scene of the original Child's Play. Talk about some sequencing. This is light years better than the connections that the Halloween movies tried to make between all of those sequels.

 3) And what a great ending. Jennifer Tilly (sp?) returned to send Chucky back to Alice where he started to steal her soul.Flash forward 6 months, Chucky gets sent back as a package to THE ORIGINAL ANDY BARCLAY (who made a cameo in the movie). THAT IS HOW YOU SET UP A SEQUEL.

4) Hard to say how good I thought this was. In terms of how low my expectations were for a straight to DVD reboot, this couldn't have gotten any better. It got scary again, and managed to both reference and fit in time wise with the rest of the sequels.

As that one idiot said about the awful movie the Artist, "The [] ending had me on my feet cheering throughout the final credits. I can't wait to see it again."

A

The Haunting of Sorority Row

1) My favorite genre of horror movie is the college/teen based thrillers (See here, here, and here) so it makes sense that this would be up my alley. The problem is that this is a made for tv PG-13 straight to DVD kind of movie lol.

2) Part of the other problem is I generally think movies that have to reiterate that "college is a time to try new things" are overdone. Like, oh we get it Kyle.  This isn't late breaking news so why do we have to repeat it ad nauseam. 

3) On a (sort of) random side note, why do they keep harping up these "traditions" that can't be broken. That logic justified a whole host load of social injustice (buff "academic" buffalo) and just generally doesn't make any sense in the context of some goofy social club having a meeting not to talk to other people outside of their club. Like who cares lol.

4) And obvi this one could never be close to the all time top 5 movie Sorority Row. The similarities are there in that someone died, now they think someone is coming back, etc. But generally pretty budge compared to one of tha greatest.

B-

This is the End

1) Not really (at all) a horror movie, but it does center around the apocalypse and the devil coming out to get everyone. And it played off tha famous scene in The Exorcist. Also when Jonah Hill got taken over by that devil it was almost a verbatim reenactment of Rosemary's Baby.

2) Really overall pretty solid. It was funny, most of the cast was good (although James Franco had been kinda ruined for me ever since I saw Freaks and Geeks). For the most part, it's kind of hard to go wrong with this cast in a movie.

3) And at least most of the people that would have ruined the movie got sucked into the ground before they had a chance to. That Aziz guy and that Mindy girl drive me bonkers. You almost find yourself cheering for the big hole in the ground to get rid of the annoying famous people before the movie really takes off lol.

4) These end of the world movies have really been solid (see also Cabin in the Woods).

A

Cheaters' Club

1) It wasn't super spooky lol. The plot line is that there is some therapist who is telling all of her clients to engage in extramarital affairs to save their marriages. But then all of them start getting lopped off. Not the best, but I do have a thing for lifetime movies.

2) I didn't think it was rocket science that one of the girls in the group had been in on it. Maybe it's just because these Lifetime movies are generally pretty predictable lol.

3) And really why were they so resistant to the detectives? I mean, I get that you'd have to tell them you're cheating, but it's not like they are gonna make a poster to show your neighbors. SMH at obstructing justice lol.

4) That second girl that got TKO'd was off of House at the End of the Street.

It was pretty boring lol,

D+

Texas Chainsaw 3D

1) I'll try not to rehash my previous posts complaining about me watching all these 3D movies without glasses (which would really need another post explaining how they scare the bejesus out of me), but it's pretty jitsu trying to sit through a movie where you know the chainsaw isn't actually coming out at you.

2) It's pretty middle of the road compared to most other old movies that also attempted to run it back (see The Last House on the Left and My Bloody Valentine 3D (which is actually pretty tight for totally irrelevant reasons #wheelsup)).

3) I know I haven't reviewed all of the Texas Chainsaw movies, but they've kind of run out of material to show. I mean, at least for Michael Myers, Halloween comes once a year. Jason has Friday the 13th. What new challenges is Leatherface really going to run into these days? You think if he put up a "no trespassing" sign his problems would be over with.

4) Random thought: Is this the Scooby-Doo van or what? I mean, its 5 people in a big van who end up trying to solve this mystery going on at this old haunted massacre house. Yabba dabba do lol.

B-

Evil Dead (2013) - Live Tweets

Kind of a unique review tonight bw. I'm gonna review it just based off of my and Alan's live tweets of it from back in tha day lol. 

1) Here are some of Alan's gems on my computer that summed up my thoughts on the movie pretty well

a) ""they aren't just dead...they are evil dead" @*buff* trying to sell tha Evil Dead"

b) "theres not even a plot to this movie." --@*buff*. Is he talking about Annie Hall or Evil Dead?

c) "You know when Woody Allen went back to kindergarten? Don't start asking for explanations on why they do things"--@*buff*

d) "OH MY GOD OOOOOOHHH"--@*buff* 

2) And, some of my own tweets (and alan's actual thoughts)

a)  "to be fair. this movie is better than annie hall 20 minutes in." - @alan

b) "holy god this is scary #couchbread2013"

c)  "luvin tha ending credits flashing back to tha original #evildead2013"

and after the movie

d) "as a random aside to everything: KState sucks"  LOL

Maybe I'll review it for real soon lol,

A

The Last Exorcism Part II

1) Pretty weird movie. Having not previously reviewed the first movie, I don't want to spoil too much for my fans lol. The beginning really reminded me of MAMA when that crazy chick is shifting around the house all creepily.

2) Part of my beef with all of the devilesque movies is that there can probably really never be an ending to them. I mean I get that you could (maybe) keep the devil away from possessing an individual. But how are you just supposed to TKO the devil altogether? Even here, there's just a prophecy that he's gonna go to town on the whole planet. How is she supposed to prevent that?

3) Which also begs the question for these movies why there are even sequels. I mean, from the end of this movie the world is already screwed. Hopefully we don't get to see what a third one of these movies looks like lol.

4) Anyone catch that she was staying at the killer from the I Know What You Did Last Summer movies?

Meh,

C-

1408

1) Uhhhh. Not tha best way to start off the second greatest day of tha year lol. I feel like this review is more of a questionnaire for the director lol.

2) Samuel Jackson is super tight, but outside of the hit movie Identity, John Cusack is generally too emo and boring. I get that he had a fictional death in the family, but man o man is he cranky the whole time.

3) I've watched this movie 3 times and still don't really get what's going on. Is he having a dream the whole time? Is the room just really making him hallucinate? If so, what is up with the fire that sets him free? And why does he just stare real creepily at the end of the movie? Is he possessed? Is he still hallucinating? Did someone slip him something in his drink?

4) You know how the Shining left a few things up in the air (why was Jack in that picture on the wall? who was that bartender)? It's like that movie, only the entirety of the movie is one irrelevant question after another.  I imagine if someone really had to explain the movie, there'd be 1408 different explanations of what actually went on (maybe that's how they got the movie title lol). 

How JC and SLJ made serious faces for the movie poster is beyond me. No way they put this one on their resumes

D

Halloweenjitsu in tha news!!

Well "big news"for buff.

One of halloweenjitu's biggest fans has (sort of) recognized tha blog. Obvi, Halloweenjitsu has gotten some press in tha past, but never from someone as OTC as Buff's idol from the hit TV show Buckwild.****

Hope everyone can live with that all that jealousy tonight lol.


***Obvi I realize this is just her favoriteing (sp?) a tweet lol. But when is tha last time Buff's celebrity crush has favoreited one of your tweets lol?**

September ramblings

Wgbw. I know I've apologized too many times to count lol about tha lack of blogging. A few args for why this next month is gonna be OTC and explanations for a lull from tha status quo lol.

1) I think for tha month of October I'm gonna hiatus from tha top 10 TV shows (but wait buff, you don't blog about it regularly now anyway lol). My reasoning is partly to make room for October (obvi), and also that with the twitter/blogosophere just going HAM on tv show finales I need a reprieve to gather my thoughts lol.

2) October is going to rule. TOMORROW IS THA SECOND GREATEST DAY OF THA YEAR. The next month will be filled with all Halloween cheer :) I've upgraded tha net flix account to ship a wreck of dvd's so I'll always have something to review lol.

HAPPY (IMPENDING) HALLOWEEN

AYEEEE!

Top 10 TV Shows: #7: Cheaters

#7 is tha hit tv show Cheaters.

1) How tight is this show. I mean, they follow around a bunch of shady people cheating on their significant others and then bust them. Solid justice and entertainment for everyone.

2) I'd be skeptical about calling Cheaters to go on the lookout though. I mean, how many episodes go by where they bust someone on their first surveillance outing (*btw it just took me like 5 minutes to figure out how to spell the word surveillance lol*), and then hold off disclosing the information to "complete their investigation" lol. I'd be like "uhhhh, did you catch them already? If so can we go bust them before they are gii and I have to see them gii?" Seems like a pretty reasonable request.

3) IDRC about all of the haters who think that a bunch of scenes in the show have been staged. Like the stabbing/gun shot scenes. The haters should just be glad no one was hurt lol.

4) This was really solid trashy TV back before trashy TV was in style. Good stuff.

Top 10 TV Shows: #8 Eastbound and Down

Wgbw. Sorry again 4 tha delays, been busy l8ly lol.

1) Anywho, figured I would wait until some shows had ended before putting up tha final rankings. Having said that I realized this fourth season is just supposed to start on Sunday lol.

2) The seasons have gone down hill progressively since that Hall of Fame first season. Season 1 has possibly the greatest 30 minutes of consecutive television in tha history of tha world. The whole season is top notch.

3) Now although the last two haven't been great (and even sub-par for tha 3rd one), they still are above tha rest. Season 2 was still pretty solid, and at least Season 3 had a few good moments (obvi the episode where Kenny referred to Season 3 of  Friends as being worthy of tha Criterion Collection).

Here's open Season 4 has more of April (obvi & yeah buddy) and less of the other stupid parts of the show...

Top 10 TV Shows: #9: To Catch a Predator

#9 is tha hit show TO CATCH A PREDATOR.

I have a love/hate relationship with documentaryesque shows, but this one is top notch. I mean, they take sex predators off the street, bring justice to the world, and generally make for good television.

Two other observations

a) The episodes where Chris Hansen gives his commentary about the current episode that the audience is watching is super dumb. It's like, hey Chris, we're watching the same fucking show and know what is happening. We don't need your play by play about what questions you're asking the guy.

b) During a TCAP binge, AMAC and I noticed that on the older eps (that I think are available on youtube) they pause the screen on the offender's face right as CH walks out and play this crazy music. It's awesome.

Top 10 TV Shows: #10: Real Chance of Love

Wgbw, the 10th greatest tv show of all time was the hit VH1 reality show REAL CHANCE OF LOVE.

Real and Chance were originally contestants on I Love New York (which was a spawn off of Flavor of Love). New York was a pretty cray character but she at least introduced the world to Real and Chance. 

It was really such a solid show due to Chance being on the show. He was always being tight, got drunk and did crazy shit, and was pretty incomprehensible.

The other solid part was the sick theme song that was sang by tha 3 brothers. And obvi the questions they asked tha girls to stay on the show: "Will you take a CHANCE with me? Will you keep it REAL with me?"

STALLIONAIRES!!

Top 10 TV Shows of All Time

Wgbw. I know I've been slacking lately, but I promise to make it up. As part of this, I'm doing a top 10 countdown of tha greatest TV shows of all time.

Now I know there are some obvi spoilers from tha rest of the blog. But I promise it'll be mildly entertaining lol.

Stay tuned \o/

We're the Millers

1) This was pretty solid. Obvi going into the movie you knew there would be some dumb scenes since they are doing something so ridiculous lol. I mean, it was a little over tha top to repeatedly beat up these international drug lords. And what are tha odds that a group of 4 strangers could really spend 48 hours together and decide they should be a family for the rest of their life? But overall, it was pretty good.

2) Man that one goofy kid must have really gotten his jollies going when he was making out with the two of them at once lol.

3) Despite how all around good the movie was, the best part was definitely in the after takes where they surprise Jennifer Aniston by playing the Friends theme song. She looked like she was tearing up even after all these years :(

4) Anyone catch Jason Sudeikis's Arthur Bryant's shirt?!?! He's always repping KC.

B+

Freaks and Geeks

1) Me and Alan watched this sporadically for a few weekends. At least it ate up a few of those Sundays lol.

2) I could do without them following around the outcast group of people. It seemed like it rehashed a worse version of the Breakfast Club. The 80s already did the rebel outcast genre. I don't know why they tried to reinvent the wheel here.

3) The geeks were all kinda tight. Almost seemed like they musta been geeks in real life too to play it that well. Although I will say, what on god's green earth was the main character thinking when he broke up with Cindy? I mean, HELLO MCFLY, what are the odds he's ever gonna have a girlfriend again? Is his beef really that she just wants to gii and not watch his goofy movies? smh.

4) And what was going on with the ending? The show really ends when the girl goes to academic camp but ends up going concert hopping all summer? Is that supposed to be symbolism or something? What happened to the rest of the characters? Did that one guy keep playing dungeons and dragons? Too many questions.

Good if you're bored, but don't pull out tha wallet for this one

C+

The Call

1) For how goofy the movie poster for this one is, it was pretty okay. I mean, what's going on with the all red poster? And I'll bet a lot of 911 calls are personal LOL.

2) For how solid of a 911 operator she is, you think she'd be trained not to go out and do maverick detective work. All the police in Los Angeles and someone who sits behind a desk all day manages to figure out where this killer guy is hiding?

3) And really she's got better odds of winning the lottery then randomly getting this guy's new victim to call in again. I mean, a 911 operator takes a phone call in LOS ANGELES. Then, it freaks her out so much that she goes on admin duty for awhile. THEN she's doing a random training one day and manages to get the hear a caller who is getting stalked by the same killer. What are the odds of that? (As a side note, I've been calling into a lot of radio contests lately and never manage to be the 95th caller. Maybe I'm just in the bitter barn lol.)

4) And what was going on with the ending? They finally track this guy down and then just leave him in this underground home he has? I don't think they even really injure him. They just tie him down in his own little unfinished basement and leave. What justice smh.

All that and the movie was still pretty original and kept my attention.

C

Chris Weidman: My Last Hope

Alright bw, I try not to veer off tha movie theme too much, but I gotta get this off my chest.

Chris Weidman is my last hope at UFC glory for the immediate future.

For those of you familiar with buffalo, my favorite fighters, in no particular order, were/are Chuck Liddell, Matt Hughes, Frank Mir, and Dan Henderson. As you might note, most of these fighters are in their late 30s, retired, or keep getting knocked unconscious.

Matt Hughes. He had such a good run going. He choked out Ricardo with a wrestling move, beat that n00b Gracie, and shut up Matt Serra. Then he got knocked out by BJ Penn and Koscheck and subsequently retired :(

Chuck Liddell. My oldest fave fighter, he was fighting Shogun for a shot at the belt and then got knocked out. He came back in the best shape of his life, broke Rich Franklin's arm, and then managed to get knocked out into retirement.

Frank Mir. He still has some gas in the tank, but after losing a title shot to JDS and then losing to Cormier, he won't be getting a shot at the belt any time soon.

Dan Henderson. Man, Hendo knocked out Fedor, Cavalcante, and put a whooping on Shogun, only to lose two heartbreaking split decisions that probably eliminate any chance of him getting a shot at the belt.

Chris Weidman. Buff's last shot at greatness. In the last two years of my life, Hendo and Mir have both lost twice, and my other two favorites are retired. As Eminem would say, "Success is my only m***f*** option, failure's not." Although Weidman is only 29, and will obvi comeback from this fight if he loses, that would blow. Buff's string of bad luck has run out. Weidman has the chin, wrestling, and submissions to take the belt tonight. The GOAT's time has come. WELCOME TO THE WEIDMAN ERA.

Why Tony Lives: Silencing the Haters Once and For All

This is a shortened post. I originally tried to make AT's every possible reason Tony died, but I figured that will be a post for another day. After looking all over the internet I realize there are a thousand different conspiracy theories as to why Tony dies. I won't address all of them because some of them are so far fetched it's unreal.

Anywho, here's the top few reasons why he doesn't die, and some answers to the dumb 'he died' args.

1) We've always been privy to hits on Tony. Why not now?

David Chase has been SHH at fans too focused on the finale. The above article says Chase didn't analyze all of those goofy little connections that make people think he died. Hell, the guy that interviewed Chase when writing the book doesn't even think Tony dies.  His argument is that we were always privy to everything going on in the show. The audience knew when people wanted hits on Tony; we knew that Patsy was drunk about to take out Tony in his backyard; we were privy to every conversation in which another boss wanted Tony out; Junior's conversation about going downtown. Why would Chase leave the audience out of the loop in this one? Certainly we would have heard if someone made an order to take out Tony. We've seen it EVERY OTHER TIME. Why would they veer off the path now?

2) The cast thinks he lives.

Not my best arg, but try to find a cast member who think he dies. David Chase won't close the door on a movie. If Tony's dead how could they possibly make a movie? Bobby thinks so too. Tony was all riled up that they just killed him off but then he too realized that didn't actually happen.

3) No motive.

There's a truce! Phil's dead and everyone has agreed not to make any more moves. Who would have a motive to take Tony out at this point? If Tony feels comfortable enough to let his family out is there really a danger to him?

4) WHO KILLS TONY?

For all you haters out there who think Tony dies, riddle me this: who figures out where Tony is? I can already predict the response to this: "someone with some allegiance to Phil." It's just a boogeyman theory. No one knows anyone specific, but everyone is damn sure that somebody did it. If I'm wrong someone should just reply with the person's name. I'll retract the entire post if someone can answer that question without a qualifier.

5) Logistically no one can get him. 

That Butch guy spends the entire episode getting lost in China town. All of a sudden he can navigate to the new restaurant Tony's family is trying out? They can't even get close to him for two eps, gets lost in Chinatown, but then they can remarkably track him down at the restaurant?

And how is he supposed to find this diner within 6 minutes of Tony's arrival? Not only does this mystery man track Tony down. But executes him and waits on his entire family to get there. Obvi he's interested in making Tony apprehensive the whole time by walking around the restaurant, and really wants his whole family to witness the whole ordeal. SMH.

During the entire show, Tony always asks people if they are being followed? He's irate about this the entire show. If all of you haters really think that there has never been a bigger threat on Tony's life then why would he dilly-dally around and not notice someone following him? IT'S LITERALLY THE ONLY THING ON HIS MIND DURING THE LAST EP. Someone tell me how he'd forget about this when there's supposedly a big target on his back.

6) Journey wouldn't sign off on them using DONT STOP BELIEVING until he knew that Tony wouldn't get wacked. What's your answer to that haters?

1) A2 "But it turns black at the end!"

Yeah, like it would really be that simple. Here's what I don't get about all you naysayers: on one hand you argue that the screen turned black so it's obvi he's dead. I mean, what a simple explanation. On the other hand, you have all these theories about tigers, the color orange, abe lincoln, and the last supper as esoteric (how's that for vocab lol) clues that also explain it. I mean, pick which one.

Also, David Chase disagrees with you lol. "There was nothing definite about what happened." Here's more ev that focusing on tha final scene leads to misinterpretation. "(Chase insists that what you saw (and didn't see) is what you get. "There are no esoteric clues in there. No `Da Vinci Code,'")"

2) "BUT BOBBY SAYS YOU DON'T HEAR IT. AND THEY REFERENCE THAT IN THE SECOND TO LAST EP."

For the record, Bobby says you probably don't hear it when it happens. How do you explain that when Bobby dies he hears it? Sil doesn't hear it when what's his face gets taken out, but Sil hears it the rest of the series. And why wouldn't Sil hear it when the guy is at the table right next to him? Any explanation defies common sense. There's not a single person that dies in the show that doesn't hear it when it happens.

Using this logic, it's just as plausible that Tony had a panic attack in the final ep. Now I know what you're thinking, "But buffalo, he's never had a panic attack where he just blacks out all of a sudden." Well obvi. Neither does anyone else die and the screen just cuts to black. He's had more panic attacks then threats on his life. Even with this ridiculous line of thinking, he's still more likely to have had a panic attack then a sudden death.