The Visit

The good thing about not blogging for a year is that there is no shortage of material to go to town on.

1) I saw this hit 2015 movie in theaters. These two kids go to the boonies to visit their grandparents who are estranged from their mom. The grandparents start doing all this weird stuff and it goes from there.

2) I don't know why the kids don't just obey their grandparents and not go to the basement or stay up past 9:30. Seems like a pretty simple rule to follow that would have avoided all of these shenanigans. (I wouldn't want to go in some scary basement and lord knows I can't stay up past 9:30.) I mean, they see their grandma naked, projectile vomiting, and him using the tool-shed. I'd do as I was told and stay in my room lol.

3) The whole "cell phones don't work in this part of the country" subplot is getting kind of goofy in 2016. The only place I know where cell phones don't work is at Memorial Stadium during packed KU FOOTBALL games.

4) And really, how irresponsible is the mom? You haven't spoken to your parents in a bajillion years and you send your kids there with no oversight. The sequel will be social services taking the kids into state custody lol.

Overall pretty good. I didn't see the crazy ending coming and it was pretty short lol.

B

Saw II

1) Pretty cray that I haven't reviewed almost any of tha Saw sequels. I mean, the first few of them have pretty good twists, but at the end of tha day, they are all pretty hard to review because the reviews would pretty much look the same.

2) For example-  it's always super tight when he says I WANT TO PLAY A GAME and ALL YOUR LIFE. But again (as I said I think for tha 3rd time on tha blog), I also just think these are tight when me and @enronnie yell them at each other.

3) This one was pretty good since Jigsaw was actually still alive in tha movie and wasn't having to haunt everyone from tha grave. It was also one that had good connections- I don't think anyone really saw that tha Amanda chick was going to want to play a game twice to set up that detective.

4) Speaking of freaky- every time I have to get my blood drawn I remember that scene where the chick is forced to dive into the needle pit and it gives me the willies just thinking about it.

Pretty solid for a sequel,

B

Hannibal

1) After tha recent review in Carrie, it reminded me I never revisited a bunch of that Hannibal movies.

2) It's a lot slower than a lot of tha other movies. This one just has the one European guy trying to take down Hannibal on his own for like an hour and forty five minutes. I mean, I understand the guy's rationale that Hannibal is getting a little older and may have lost some of his touch. But who would really try to take down someone on the FBI's 10 most wanted list when you're no MacGyver yourself.

3) FWIW all tha twists in tha movie were pretty crazy. Like at tha end of it, when *spoiler alert* Hannibal chops off his own hand instead of messing up Starling. He must really have a thing for her to chop off his own hand even though she is constantly trying to arrest him lol.

4) It's also Ray Liotta's best horror movie since tha hit movie Identity.

5) Tha initial shooting that goes wrong is in Waco, Texas. On that note it is kind of stupid that half the movie takes place in Europe, but also kind of tight that it comes home to rural America.

B

The Wolf Man (1941)

1) Buff went back to 1941 tonight bw. I'm obvi not wild about these old movies, but the one thing about them that does appeal to me is that they are well under my 90 minute attention span. (Also, Hutchy, our dog, really was tuning into the hairy wolf guy. He kept barking thinking some other dog was in the house lol.)

2) Really a pretty solid movie for it being so old. It's a pretty simple story. Guy roles into town, tries to court this lady, gets bit by a werewolf, and then becomes one. Now he knows he's a werewolf and is trying to leave before making it rain on everyone. It's obvi where An American Werewolf in London got its vibe from.

3) In all reality it probably had to be pretty hard to get bit by the werewolf in the first place. Like in the remakes or in Red Riding Hood, the wolf is actually pretty fast. But here it's just like some giant guy in a gorilla suit stumbling around trying to get you.  I'll bet even Jon laced up in his track suit could escape the guy.

4) Overall it was pretty clutch through and through. Short, to the point, had fog, and explained the basic background requirements associated with werewolves. Definitely a good introductory movie for fans new to tha genre.

B

Paranormal Activity 4

1) Same old movie as the rest of them. I heard all of the reviews said that it was just the same old thing but I don't really know what people are looking for in these movies. I mean, it's obvi just gonna be a bunch of quiet moments with something crazy jumping out and scaring the hell out of everyone (myself included). You get what you pay for.

2) On that note it made me jump about every 2 minutes. I preemptively knew this and tried to preoccupy myself, but things like shadows, creepy little kids, and that weird contingent of chicks spook the hell out of me. 

3) That being said the movie didn't really wrap up any odd ends. So that Katie girl who's been in every movie is still around TKOing people, but it seems hard to figure out what they'll do with the plot now. And what was up with her letting the boyfriend hook up all the cameras in her house? He's like 'yeah let me put up a bunch in your bedroom and stuff' SMH.

It also kind of begs the question how all of these incidents get videotaped each and every time. They're kind of tossing the 'found footage' theory out the door with this one.

4) The one thing I do enjoy about watching these is trying to catch horror connections to other movies that I think always get hidden in there. The little kid riding that bike around was def from The Shining, the girl levitating from the bed was straight up the Exorcist, and the kid getting pulled into the tub was a shout-out to Nightmare on Elm Street. The last one I caught was when the kid is up goofing around with the spirit by the TV was probably a homage to Poltergeist. For all my idiotic writing, I do think I know some stuff about horror movies \o/

B

Pet Sematary 2

1) Actually a really solid sequel. I obvi had much love for the original which was in and of itself pretty remarkable given that a lot of Stephen King's novels don't always transition to movies well. It's even harder for me to believe a fake sequel to it is solid.

2) It was a fairly predictable storyline once it started going but it was good. It veered away from the original enough to not be boring but still managed to stay kinda true.

3) I am confused how anyone ever dies after being bitten by the animals in the cemetery.  Like that one guy just pops back to life after getting bit. It seems like they might be more like vampires in that after you get bit you just get to hang around for eternity being vampires. I mean, the only way to defeat this guy was to explode him with an electric cord? We saw how well that worked in Child's Play 2 lol.

4) Anyone catch that sick poster of Friday the 13th Part 8 up in his room? It's actually substantially better than my original review of it would have you believe. Props to the kid in the movie for recognizing this.

B

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

1) A lot of hoopla before the plot actually develops. It seems like they spend the first 30 minutes of the movie just driving around in a car or in a hospital. Kind of boring lol.

2) It was kinda tight though. I'm not wild about alien-esque horror movies but this one was good. It's kind of the weird part about my movie taste is that I really like all the old Unsolved Mysteries that involve UFO sightings and stuff. I even used to have a book about them but for some reason I'm not overtly wild about horror movies with Aliens. 

3) I know I've mentioned this before, but boy howdy did they smoke ciggies back in the day.  The surgeon general definitely didn't issue a warning before most of these movies.

4) How tight was it when that kid just ran away when he didn't want to go to school? School sucks. That kid rules. Also the line "maybe we should have a drink." #tellmeaboutitlol.

Pretty solid for an old movie,

B

Damien: Omen 2

1) Actually a pretty solid movie in the context of sequels. To be fair most of the initial sequels to the biggest horror movies have been good (see Halloween 2, Friday the 13th Part 2, and Nightmare on Elm Street 2), but this one was good too.

2)  I should preface that by saying that I've never seen any other sequel to the original Omen, so it's totally possible that all of the other ones rule too but I'm pessimistic.

3) It gets pretty redundant when all of the people keep dying the same way.  It makes sense that Damien can just make them die off. But how does he have this crow with superpowers that follows him around and TKO's anyone who's suspicious of him? Seems like it's kind of cheating.

4) And how doesn't he notice the giant 666 on the top of his head? I mean, the kids 13 and has probably gotten at least 100 haircuts. Wouldn't the school nurse have checked it for lice at some point and been like: "Holy God, he has the sign of the antichrist engraved on his head, I should think about alerting the local priest."

Nothing compared to the original but still pretty good,

B

The Breakfast Club

1) Pretty solid movie. I'm not wild about all of the emotional moments that tend to take over these movies but it was good.

2) I don't really understand why everyone could get so emotional during the day. I mean, I get the stir crazy thing. I've been sitting in my room for the better part of the last 4 months watching mediocre horror movies. It screws with your head. But I think all of them end up crying at some point during the day. And they drop all these emotional bombs on each other. Just seems sort of odd.

3) For example, I don't think I would fit in here. Never having had detention (yeah buddy) I can't say for sure, but I imagine I'd probably just try to nap or read some of the magazines or something. Maybe try to talk to Emilio Estevez about wrestling or something, but besides that I can't imagine this is too hard.

4) Rumor was that it was shot at GBN but I have no idea having never been in the GBN library. Oh- how tight was it that the wrestler was named Andrew? Pretty tight.

B

Friends with Kids

1) Pretty slow but pretty solid. It weirdly reminds me of When Harry Met Sally. I mean, there's two platonic friends who tiptoe in relationships while nitpicking at their friends that do the same time. She falls for him and he rejects her, the opposite happens, then there's some big speech at the end that reunites them. Pretty good.

2) Obvi I have a thing for the RomComs that end with some line that connects back to some other part of the movie. Like in A Lot Like Love or in Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. I totally didn't see him coming back and audibleing his pick to 'dying a slow and painful death so I can still be with you.' I mean, he doesn't say a romantic thing the whole movie and then decides to go to town on that one.

3) I think my only real problem with it is that it's kind of slow/depressing. It's not like the movie is 3 hours long or anything, but most of the movie is just showing everyone else fighting and not enjoying their lives. Not really an LOL RomCom.

4) It's kind of funny that Jon Hamm is so angry the whole time. I wonder if the directors made Missouri jokes and he'd just instantly get riled up.

If you're in the right mood it's pretty good,

B

House on Haunted Hill (1959)

1) It was really original in that it kind of set the foundation for movies where people try to stay in a haunted house for some purpose. Halloween Resurrection is a pretty recent copy (plus the whole Michael Myers thing).

2) Also original was the whole theme that if the house ended up engulfing you, you got to stick around and haunt everybody else that came in.

3) I did get confused because I thought the deal was once the door was closed to the place nobody could get out. But then that Annabelle chick is just hanging outside the window spooking people out?

4) One of my problems with these older movies is the kind of stuff that spooks people. Don't get me wrong, I get scared about super dumb stuff all the time. But the scene where that 1 pound door hanging skeleton pushes that girl into the pit of doom is kind of goofy. It's like, just push the skeleton out of the way or cut off the puppet hangers on the top of it lol.

At only an hour and 11 minutes, I'mma be tuning in,

B

The House of the Devil

1) Big shout out to @danger for recommending this one. It was pretty solid all around. Girl needs money so she goes and babysits and all this crazy stuff starts going on with the creepy family.

2) It had one of the scariest jump-out-of-your-seat moments that I've had in forever. There's this part where her friend leaves the house and this creepy guy starts talking to her. Then he just says- 'so your not the babysitter?' and pulls out a gun and just kills her. It was just so crazy unexpected /o\

3) The rest of the movie was pretty unpredictable/original. They did a solid job of making it seem like it was made in the 80s.

4) My only real beef with it was just how malicious/unforgiving/disturbing the whole movie was. Back on one halloween, me, the colonel, milhouse, and the old lady friend watched every halloween movie. At the end of all of them we all just had this feeling that was like, man the ending to that was messed up. I got that feeling again but it only took 1 movie.

5) Tight how Dee Wallace was in the first part of the movie. She's in a wreck of horror movies and is a KU grad!

B

Girls Season 1

M.Danger- this is for you ;)

1) It was pretty solid. All the raunchy humor and random shenanigans they get into are pretty good. All the episodes were mildly entertaining except for that one goofy one in the middle of the season.

2) The thing that scares me about the future of the show is that the writing is too transparent. After Danger pointed out that Hannah dropping her clothes was kind of like her life falling apart I started looking for these metaphors. And the season finale where she just walks around lost obvi signifies how she's lost in life. Even when she yells at those chicks to help her they all laugh. I don't usually notice this kind of thing in movies which makes me worry that it's not too deep lol. (Random aside- I guess falling asleep is pretty easy- Ross does it on Season 4 of Friends and AMac said it always used to happen to him on the metro back in the day.)

3) Part of the other problem I have with the show is that I just don't understand some of the problems they have. I mean, they moved out due to personality differences? Did you just have that epiphany? Or that one girl complaining that the dude she dumped was gii with that other girl? Or that she had to do all the housework? Me and Alan didn't pay rent for 3 months one time and we still have family harmony (4u DB ;).

4) If this show ever goes under they need to give that Adam guy his own show. He's by far the funniest part about it and that would be tight.

B

Hollow Man

Wgbw, sorry for the delays again, I was actually busy this last week lol.

1) Pretty solid movie overall. I know there was that old jitsu Hollow Man movie, but obvi I'm a big fan of the newer remixes.

2) Easily one of Kevin Bacon's best movies outside of A Few Good Men and Wild Things. I don't know why he always has to play the creepy dickbag guy in movies, but I guess he's good at it lol.

3) I've never been a fan of the sexual assault scenes and this movie was no different. I don't know why they could have just audibled out of that and just made him a traditional horror villain (I just learned how to spell villain lol).

4) The only other jitsu part in the movie is why they let Kevin Bacon be the one to go invisible. I get that he was the leader of the project, and the smart guy and all, but if you thought someone was creepy and could do a bunch of crazy stuff while visible, I dunno why you think it would be a good idea to let him out on town invisibly.

Pretty solid,

B

A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

1) I hate Christmas lol. The Christmas music in the movie was pretty jitsu. I kind of wish they would've done a Very Harold & Kumar 3D HALLOWEEN instead. That'd be tight. Maria's dad is even that tight maintenance guy on the new Halloween.

2) It didn't have the really tight girly part to it that Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay had but whatever.

3) All the references to the past movies were tight. So were all the real life references to NPH and Kumar. Good stuff all around.

4) I know I just recently went on a rant about how I didn't like over the top movies but this one was tight. I think maybe the difference is that all of the Harold and Kumar movies have been over the top but are still pretty good. And Kumar's lady friend is a total babe.

If only it wasn't about Christmas,

B

Tucker & Dale vs Evil

1) It was pretty good. Kind of like my thoughts on Shaun of the Dead, I'm never really wild about the comedy horror movies but this one was pretty well done.

2) I think I also liked it because the whole gist of the movie was really similar to the 2009 Friday the 13th which in retrospect I should've given a better grade.

3) Two other things that boosted the movie's grade

a) They mixed in a little RomCom with that chick falling in love with the hillbilly.

b) The non-leading blond was a super babe. She probably independently bumped this movie up a few points.

The fact that it wasn't an actual horror movie obvi dragged its grade down a bit but whatever,

B

What's Your Number?

1) It's super predictable. I mean, some dude friend starts helping her find her ex lovers. Obvi they're gonna fall in love along the way. It's unbelievably predictable- I mean she goes off with some other dude and she's obviously gonna leave him for the other dude.

2) All was generally going well in this movie until that stupid scene where they break into Madison Square Garden. Is this realistic that they play strip poker and commit aggravated burglary at the same time before jumping into that river? What kind of date was that?

3) That being said the movie was pretty tight. It had an original plot line, was pretty funny, and had her dad said LOL. #yak #yota. My only real qualm with the plot is just a personal grievance about settling down LOL.

4) Two other things really boosted this movie:

a) Anna Farris is in it. Now I know what you're thinking- she's not in anything great. But she is in the sick tv show Friends. She plays Erica the birth mother of monica and chandler's twins.

b) PAPA DOC from 8 Mile was in it. He plays one of her ex-hookups. I almost had to rewind it just because it was so tight.

c) They mention TWITTER a bunch.

5) Ciera had some totally irrelevant commentary that she wanted me to write including but not limited to: a) She was very fashionable the whole movie; b) her room was cute; c) the cinematography was good. #smh

Good stuff

B+

Dexter Season 6

Wgbw, sorry for the delays, work has been busy lately

1) I know I have a bad taste in movies and stuff, but I thought it was pretty tight. Everyone I've talked to that's watched the show before says it blows now. But I've only seen seasons 5 and 6 so I don't actually know if it was better than it is now lol.

2) That being said I thought it wasn't as good as Season 5. This is probably due to my love for Julia Stiles more so than anything (see The Omen and Down to You). Shaking my head at them having her leave the show after that season though.

3) Some jitsu along the way. I have no idea why they thought that having his sister want to make love to him was a good twist. I dunno how that would actually go about in the next season and just sounds like a bad idea. But the ending where she sees him go to town on that guy was crazy good.

4) Something not really specific to this season, but that's hard to overlook, is the opening. Despite my love for horror movies, all the blood and bloodesque stuff at the beginning always gives me the willies.

Fairly solid,

B

Harry and the Hendersons

Whats good blog world. The last co-blog entry was wildly successful. Today me and @amacthursday are laying around all day so we're going to review some movies. Anywho, here's what I thought about our first feature: HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS.

1) Seems like Harry has a pretty big drug problem. He's running around huffing that thing of air when he first gets in the house. A drugged up Big Foot just seems like a bad idea.

2) Kind of messed up when the dad from 3rd rock from the sun just decks Harry. I mean, the whole movie Harry always seems so fun-loving I don't think he really deserved this giant punch from the guy. FWIW I caught up on Dexter the other day and Dexter goes after this dude in a totally unrelated show.

3) Big foot is pretty tight. I've never been wild about these family/kids movies but I am real into all those mysteries about Bigfoot/UFOs/crazy stuff in the Pacific Northwest. I still want to go camping in Oregon, but I think the rest of the roommates have thrown in the towel on that idea.

4) It's kind of tight when the kid is reading the book and just announces that reading sucks lol.

Surprisingly good for how much I don't like family movies,

C+

1. In antiquity, philoposhers such as Aristotle posited a “state of nature” in which man was stripped of all civilizing influences and his true essense could be observed. The European discovery of the Americas and the flowering of philosophy in the 17th and 18th centuries reinvigorated the debate about human nature. Many early novelists created characters inspired by native americans-these characters served to contrast European decadence with the simpler, more virtuous lives that the novelists imagined native americans led. I see Harry and the Hendersons as a cinematic manifestation of this long-standing “noble savage” motif. In the film, Harry’s intimidating looks belie his peaceful and simple nature. Much like the noble savages in early novels, Harry is an idealized version of a human. The film was released in 1987, so it seem reasonable that the filmmakers meant for Harry to be a “noble savage” like contrast to the “greed is good” ethos of the 1980s.

2. In the American imagination, the frontier represents hope, optimism, and a touch of danger. Harry’s home in the Sierra wilderness epitomizes our projection of the frontier. SPOILER ALERT! When Harry returns home at the end of the movie, we see a bigfoot family frolicking in the forest, yet we also know that cougars and bears haunt those woods.

3. Bigfoot getting milk from the fridge in the middle of the night is sometimes how I feel when I wake up in the middle of the night w/ heartburn.

4. Its tight when harry eats the girls flower.

5. The neighbor wears a cool sweater with ice cream cones on it.

6. When Harry gets a make-over, its kinda like beauty and the beast when the beast gets ready for a date. Its also a bit like when @alison cuts my hair lol.

B

Cape Fear

Sorry for the delays the last few days, was just a bunch of jitsu going on.

1) Pretty tight movie overall. I kinda like the legal thriller genre of movies and this one was pretty tight. It was a good evidence refresher too when they had that mock trial at the end lol.

2) The ending got a little long/jitsu. I mean, the guy came back from being TKO'd like a dozen times and then just eventually got trapped in the sunken ship? I think it woulda been tighter if they just eventually arrested him or something. Could've set up a tight sequel lol.

3) For some guy that couldn't read before he went to jail, Robert De Niro really learned up a storm during his time in the correctional facility. And dear god could he just put a whooping on people when he got out of there.

4) Crazy that young Juliette Lewis was in this movie.

Good stuff,

B