Edward Scissorhands - Guest Blog Post

What's good blog world. Got a special feature post tonight. Me, Alan, and Ben all reviewed EDWARD SCISSORHANDS. 3 great minds will review this romantic/christmas/horror/drama lol. Our grades are attached and I'm still kind of a n00b in formatting stuff. (FYI Ben was the only one photogenic enough to have a picture). Hopefully we can do more of this in the future. Without further ado...

WGBW, its ya boy @markster with my review of Edward Scissorhands

1) It’s a pretty interesting look at how suburbia responds to the other. Edward is initially embraced by the community, but his difference causes them to ultimately reject him. I think it’s a good metaphor for 9/11

2) The use of colors is pretty tight overall. Its sick how despite all the bright colors, its all the same, its really hard to tell the difference between people and houses. Edward sticks out so much because he is in all black, which is normally for jitsu people, but hes a baller

3) WTF is Kevin doing trying to fight Edward at the end of the movie? He needs to be cybhb and gtfo of the way from the human slicing machine. And what was up with the chick putting Edward in the soggy bread? That’s just a recipe for maximum jitsu.

4) Captain Queen Sparrow is pretty legit in this movie, but its hard to top him in Cry-Baby

5) Who the hell was the old bitch at the end of the movie? What was even the point? (these were actual buff thoughts)

6) Top @ajhawk quote during the movie: “So what, is he the weather man
now? He can just make it rain whenever he wants?”

Overall, it was a fun quirky movie

B

WGBF, AJ's thoughts on the movie

1) The movie doesn’t make much sense. There’s like this dark castle in this all pastel town that some dude with scissor hands lives? You think it would drive down the property values or something. The end of the movie also doesn’t make any sense. He makes it snow? How did he start making it snow? And she says that “sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it”? What is that about? How can he still be alive after 90 years? And why is this old lady telling this spooky story to this little girl? She’s just gonna scare the hell out of her before she goes to bed lol.

2) The puny guy from Sixteen Candles/Breakfast Club was really the bad guy? LOL. What a bad casting choice, why didn’t they make it somebody badass like Emilio Estevez? And why would he try to fight someone with fucking claws attached to him? Did he really think he was going to win this?

3) There were some good parts. Edward says he knew it was JIMS HOUSE (you can see him say JIMS HOUSE here at the 40 second mark). That one neighbor lady was a judge on the hit tv show Friends. They have a foldout couch which was tight too.

4) In the end there are just too many questions: Why is it so colorful everywhere? Why did the old guy put scissors on him? Why isn’t there a TV by the foldout couch?

D

Professor Ben's Review

1. This is a pretty solid flick. It definitely holds up over time. That being said, there are a few problems with it.

a. The “old person” make-up they use to make Wynonna Rider look like an old lady at the beginning and end is pretty bad. Maybe it was impressive back then, but it’s fairly ridiculous by our standards.

b. Edward is dressed like Trent Reznor the whole time. Even when he wears real people clothes, he’s got this leather zipper and buckle thing on under. Look at his hands, he’s obviously not showering at any point ever.

c. Speaking of things you can’t do if you had scissors for hands… I’m just saying it’s something to think about. It makes me suspect that this movie was thought up in one of those “would you rather” road-trip games. Like “would you rather have scissors for hands or wheels for feet?” I’d probably take scissors b/c I’m not coordinated enough to get around on wheel-feet.

2. Probably the best part is those hilarious haircuts he gives to all the desperate housewives ladies.

3. I think, first and foremost, this is a movie about the dangers of homeschooling. You really need a chance to socialize with the masses otherwise you’re going to end up weird like Edward. And how did that end? Not well. So not well, I think the wife even squeezed out a tear or two.

4. It’s pretty cool to see Johnny Depp before he did all those jitsu pirates of the Caribbean movies. He does some solid work here. Ever since Depp played Hunter S. Thompson in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas he’s basically done some version of that character in every movie. It’s nice to see some early work.

5. All in all a festive Christmas movie for the whole family.

B