The Blob (1958)

1) Now I know what most of you are thinking: Where have I heard of this movie before? If you answered "I saw it on the hit TV show Friends" then you'd be correct. You see it in tha video store on the One Where Monica and Richard are Just Friends (Season 4 obvi).

2) That being said, hats off to Buff for reviewing these classic movies from tha 50s that are part of tha Criterion Collection.

3) I actually thought it was pretty solid. It's like these people start seeing some blob/virus thing take over some dude and then it just grows and grows and keeps on consuming people. The real problem is the bigger it gets, the less scary it actually is. I mean, if you're driving down tha rode and see a gigantic pulsating red blob just inhaling everything just turn the fucking car around. Really not rocket science.

4) And did I just miss the boat on why the blob is afraid of tha cold?  Is the end of the movie just them dropping the blob off in some cold place out in tha middle of nowhere? #LOL. Might as well have just thrown it in one of those giant freezers or something.

Not bad for being so old,

C+

The Hole (2009)

1) I know this isn't Academy Award winning material, but the title sounded funny (lol), it was less than 90 minutes long, and that really good looking chick from American Reunion has a 10 second part in it lol.

2) Really reminded me of Disturbia. Screw-up kid has new neighbors, gets a thing for the girl next door, finds a hobby together scoping out some creepy stuff. Also tailed off into a less scary version of the movie IT (which btw I keep forgetting to review).

3) Which is also where the movie went kinda downhill. I mean, they figure out that the only things creeping out of this hole are things that scare you, and if you can just not be afraid of them anymore then you're g2g. Kind of begs the question why the hole isn't constantly opening up to freak out the entire neighborhood.

4) I mean, the big scary monster at the end of the movie is the kid's dad. If the hole really works like this, I hate to see what other "scary monsters" could pop out? I can just see someone's fear of settling down causing a bunch of clingy girls to jump out of there; or a bunch of gun control laws popping out to scare Maker lol.

C-

Godzilla, King of the Monsters!

1) I'm kinda confused how they are not totally sure of who wrecked all the havoc in the first place. I mean, didn't people see this gigantic monster running around this huge city? I get they couldn't tweet what was going on at the time to alert the others, but really this doesn't seem to be that hard to figure out. He's not bigfoot.

2) I dunno what's going on with these older classic movies. But it seems like no monster/villain ever just pops out of nowhere. In The Mummy, The Invisible Man, and Frankenstein all involve these scientists that are just curiously creating these supermonsters to wreck havoc on the world. At least in this one the guy has made an oxygen destroyer instead of just creating the monster himself.

3) And what a crazy thing to just start investigating in. I mean, who sits around and just decides to develop some formula that sucks the oxygen up out of you? Did he get a license from the government for this? Seems like some risky experimenting.

4) It's hard to be too scared of this at the end of the day. Living in Kansas kind of insulates me from having to fear oceanesque creatures that could make it rain on small town KS. Then again, I did get nervous that the guy jumping out of space the other day might just land through the Cone. Never say never.

C-

Leprechaun 2

1) Generally I enjoy watching horrible sequels to horror movies but this might just be the exception to the rule. Instead of building off of the horrible plot of the first movie, they just decided it would be best to make the plot about the Leprechaun trying to find a bride.

2) The kicker is that he can only find a bride every 1000 years or something. I guess that means, contrary to the first movie, that he leaves his gold unoccupied when seeking out a mate. And if he was seeking out a mate shouldn't he at least have tried to get Jennifer Aniston to stick around from the first movie?

3) And how can he make all this magical stuff appear? He makes all these mirages pop out that somehow TKO everyone. That one guy thought he was making moves on that girl but he was actually sticking his head in between some lawnmower blades? SMH.

4) I get all the rules about what TKO's vampires, witches, and most ghosts. But I had no idea that iron was what killed leprechauns. In the first movie it was a four leaf clover. I guess I should figure this out to be a true horror buff lol.

D-

Bride of Frankenstein

1) Best black and white movie I've seen by far. This movie just ran laps around the original Frankenstein (which I ironically at the time commented on that it was the best black and white movie I'd seen).

2) He was just making it rain at the beginning of the movie. In the first one he had a hard time figuring out how to do anything, now he's drowning people and throwing that one chick down the drain. He really evolved into a monster rather quickly.

3) Frankenstein loves drinking wine and smoking some ciggies too. You don't see too many bad guys do that kind of stuff. And all the blasphemy they keep talking about. I'm sure this movie was widely criticized as being too risque back in the day.

4) It was pretty historically important too. See the less than mediocre Bride of Chucky for evidence of this lol.

B+

Darkness Falls

1) Never seen a scary movie about the tooth fairy before. Good stuff.

2) The beginning was scary as hell. All the movies where nobody believes the little kid always creep me out (see Child's Play 2). The tooth fairy chick in this movie also looked super scary in that mask.

3) I don't know why the kid hides under the covers when she comes for him. It's always really scary when this happens (check out Poltergeist for more evidence of this), but I'm never sure why they do it. It's not like the blanket will shield you or anything.

4) The part was real gross at the beginning when the kid is pulling his own tooth out and blood is just everywhere. You think his mom shoulda warned him about that.

5) The first 45 minutes was good but got pretty stupid when the tooth fairy just kept chasing them at the end. Is it really that hard to just find some place thats lit up?

It was good but nothing too wild

C

Frankenstein (1931)

1) It was probably the best black and white movie I've seen. It's only 71 minutes long so my ADD couldn't get the best of me. It also got to the point right out of the gate so I didn't have time to get confused about what was going down.

2) The monster's got his ups and downs. When he moans it sounds like a 4 year old, and he got sad when he threw that girl in the water, which doesn't seem very monster like.

3) He also seems dumb (obvi I get that he just got resurrected or whatever), but other serial killers seem to learn well. I mean, he had a hard time figuring out what the fire was. Michael Myers was locked up in a mental institution for 20 years and then managed to drive a car without taking driver's ed. He even made his way back to Haddonfield without a map, but the monster couldn't figure out how to open an unlocked door. Some serious jitsu.

4) I'm sure it was still scary back in the day. He's super giant, pretty creepy looking, and can choke people out. I mean, I get it.

Best black and white so far, but my lack of fanfare for the real old movies keeps it from climbing too far up the totem pole.

B-