Krampus

What's good blog world. Figured I'll try and bring back tha blogging for this October lol. Some of you may remember last Winter's hit movie KRAMPUS. I didn't quite make it to tha theaters to see this one due to tha movie CREED (which was pretty OTC btw).

1) Anywho, this was pretty solid for being about Christmas. My loyal blog readers will remember that I can't stand Christmas (see here, here, and here), but this was still pretty original for being based on a pretty well-known XMas horror figure.

2) Most of the time they sit around and complain about Christmas (which makes a lot of sense to me obvi).  I'm with them- a forced holiday that makes everything busier and that if you complain about at all then everyone tells you to quit ruining the special day. (As a side note- I usually make up having a ladyfriend every year so I can leave Christmas early lol). But I guess that's why Krampus pops out- he can't stand when people don't like Christmas.

3) Although I will say the movie gets pretty goofy in the middle of it. There's like a bunch of gingerbread cookies that start shooting nail guns at that one dude. Krampus appears to be able to metaphor as tha one scene shows him jumping over houses, and then becomes a clown who eats people. I don't know if I totally get it.

4) When JJ and I saw CREED in theaters I kept telling him how funny I thought it would be if Krampus just jumped out at the end of the movie when they run up the stairs. I'm glad he didn't lol.

B-

A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

1) I hate Christmas lol. The Christmas music in the movie was pretty jitsu. I kind of wish they would've done a Very Harold & Kumar 3D HALLOWEEN instead. That'd be tight. Maria's dad is even that tight maintenance guy on the new Halloween.

2) It didn't have the really tight girly part to it that Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay had but whatever.

3) All the references to the past movies were tight. So were all the real life references to NPH and Kumar. Good stuff all around.

4) I know I just recently went on a rant about how I didn't like over the top movies but this one was tight. I think maybe the difference is that all of the Harold and Kumar movies have been over the top but are still pretty good. And Kumar's lady friend is a total babe.

If only it wasn't about Christmas,

B

Top 10 Friends XMas Episodes 2-1

#2) The One with the Girl from Poughkeepsie- Season 4

This episode isn't very good but it does have this sick song that Phoebe sings at the end that makes it so tight.

1) The One with the Holiday Armadillo- Season 7

This episode is the tightest all around (obvi). The whole holiday armadillo thing is tight. The part where Chandler hands the money to Ben and drops it is so funny. And obvi when Joey shows up in the Superman outfit its sick. Good stuff.

Top 10 Friends XMas Episodes 5-3

5) The One with the Christmas in Tulsa- Season 9

This episode is pretty solid all around, but is probably not as high as it could be because a majority of the episode is just flashing back to all the other tight Xmas episodes. I guess that you could make an argument that this should bump up this episode since it incorporates all the other ones, but that seems kind of unoriginal.

The babe who tries to get on Chandler (Selma Blair) is super good looking. I'm not a big fan of short hair but she's good at pulling it off.

The part where Chandler gives them all gifts notifying them of a gift to the orchestra is tight lol.

4) The One with the Inappropriate Sister - Season 5

Overall this episode is pretty stupid but a few small (non Christmas related parts) make this episode rule.

The part where Phoebe is just ringing the bell is pretty boring. I always get this catholic guilt whenever I walk by any of those people at the store and usually end up giving them money. My only problem with it is I wish they had like a sticker to give you showing you already have Christmas generosity lol.

The part where Danny keeps going to town with his sister is pretty weird. And Rachel's love life in this season is pretty goofy all around.

One tight part that saved this is when Ross and Joey prank call Chandler at the beginning. That part is too funny. The part where Joey writes the both of the scripts is one of the tightest parts of the whole series. And they invent FIREBALL.

3) The One With Phoebe's Dad- Season 2

This one doesn't have any super great individual parts. But the whole episode is pretty solid all around.

Phoebe trying to figure out her whole family life never made that much sense to me. I mean, Chandler does it in like 2 episodes. The producers never really try to make her attempts to reconnect with her family sad at all, so it just kind of drags the whole thing out for no reason.

Joey and Chandler delaying their Christmas shopping till the last minute is pretty tight- I've only bought like 2 presents so far lol.

And the party without the radiator is pretty solid.

Top 10 Reasons Halloween is Better Than Christmas

Wgbw, just a brief intermission from the Friends countdown. Sorry for the delays too but just a wreck of jitsu lately (besides when I've been watching all these movies LOL.) Anywho, here are the top 10 reasons that Halloween is better than Xmas.

10) Stores aren't closed on Halloween. Ever tried to go do something on Christmas just to get out of the house? You can't because most stuff is closed. This is a double whammy because usually the night before shit is closed too.

9) Nobody reminds you it's halloween the whole week of halloween. I've heard people wishing merry christmas for like 3 weeks now.

8) Why do you have to go home? I love my family more than anything, but these times where it feels like its mandatory hangout time are weird to me. Why don't we at least celebrate Christmas in July so nobody's car gets stuck on the road.

7) The commercials on TV blow. Why are there no halloween commercials during halloween? If I see one more jewelry commercial during the next few days I'm going to go crazy.

6) The bars are packed on Halloween. The bars are not packed on Christmas.

5) The whole Christmas dinner/lunch thing is just like a junior varsity version of Thanksgiving. It's mediocre food that's not near as good as just eating halloween candy the whole day.

4) Maybe it's my general indifference to feel good movies but Halloween movies just run laps around Christmas movies.

3) It's too cold outside on Christmas. At least on Halloween its fall weather that's really tight. Everyone actually gets excited about it snowing on Christmas, but it never does.

2) Environmental reasons. Everyone has to drive/fly home on Christmas, that must emit just a wreck of GHGs into the atmosphere. At least on Halloween kids get exercise and walk everywhere.

1) The Christmas hangover is bad too. Just when you get so excited Christmas is over, then everyone is packing into stores trying to return stuff and traffic gets crazy. It's like the holiday that keeps on giving

Bah humbug

Top 10 (8) Friends XMas Episodes

What's good bw, I remember counting down the top 10 Friends Thanksgiving episodes last year and thought I'd do the same with Christmas.

For those of you that might not know (shame on you), Friends only went 10 seasons so it only makes sense to do a countdown with the top 10.

Unfortunately, Season 1 and 10 don't have a Christmas episode, as the writers tended to focus more on Thanksgiving and (somehow forgot about HALLOWEEN) tended not to put as much effort into Christmas.

That being said here's the top 8-

8) The One With the Routine- Season 6

In all reality this one is pretty boring. It's kind of funny when Joey pours water on that guys pants and stuff but the Ross/Monica dancing was pretty smdh. The rest of the time they just look for the presents that Monica has hidden somewhere but even thats boring.

Part of my problem with this episode is I really think Chandler kind of tanks seasons 5-7 and he's really pretty ho-hum in this one.

I guess the part where Janine and Joey finally kiss is pretty tight too. Too bad they cut her off of the show.

7) The One Where Rachel Quits- Season 3

This is the one where Joey has convinced Rachel to quit her job at Central Perk. Ross breaks a girl scout's leg and has to sell her cookies for her. The only real XMas part of it is that Joey works selling Christmas trees and they eventually make Phoebe less sad about it by buying all of the dead trees for her.

There's also really nothing much to this episode. It only gets a nod above the last one because Chandler's still tight in this season. The line about a Muppet getting TKO'd is also pretty funny and is enough of a tiebreaker to boost this to 7.

Tomorrow I'll do 6-4!

Love Actually

1) I hate Christmas movies but this one's good.

2) The love triangle thing was really crazy/tight and unexpected. The scene where the dude goes back to the restaurant to speak the other language to that chick was super identical to the ending to the You Belong With Me video that TSwift did. Good stuff.

3) I get that it's real life and stuff, but the depressing endings to some of the stories always make me smh a little bit. The part where the mom is still kinda on the rocks with her husband for the secretary thing was pretty sad lol.

4) The only bad part is this movie has put up my expectations for all these other holiday romcom's that have 400 famous people in them. Valentine's Day was pretty mediocre and Roger Ebert said that people must have done crimes to deserve the punishment of being forced to act in that new movie New Year's Eve (it still looks okay though lol). Oh and the music during the movie isn't very good.

5) Last but not least, Elisha Cuthbert is a babe.

A-

Edward Scissorhands - Guest Blog Post

What's good blog world. Got a special feature post tonight. Me, Alan, and Ben all reviewed EDWARD SCISSORHANDS. 3 great minds will review this romantic/christmas/horror/drama lol. Our grades are attached and I'm still kind of a n00b in formatting stuff. (FYI Ben was the only one photogenic enough to have a picture). Hopefully we can do more of this in the future. Without further ado...

WGBW, its ya boy @markster with my review of Edward Scissorhands

1) It’s a pretty interesting look at how suburbia responds to the other. Edward is initially embraced by the community, but his difference causes them to ultimately reject him. I think it’s a good metaphor for 9/11

2) The use of colors is pretty tight overall. Its sick how despite all the bright colors, its all the same, its really hard to tell the difference between people and houses. Edward sticks out so much because he is in all black, which is normally for jitsu people, but hes a baller

3) WTF is Kevin doing trying to fight Edward at the end of the movie? He needs to be cybhb and gtfo of the way from the human slicing machine. And what was up with the chick putting Edward in the soggy bread? That’s just a recipe for maximum jitsu.

4) Captain Queen Sparrow is pretty legit in this movie, but its hard to top him in Cry-Baby

5) Who the hell was the old bitch at the end of the movie? What was even the point? (these were actual buff thoughts)

6) Top @ajhawk quote during the movie: “So what, is he the weather man
now? He can just make it rain whenever he wants?”

Overall, it was a fun quirky movie

B

WGBF, AJ's thoughts on the movie

1) The movie doesn’t make much sense. There’s like this dark castle in this all pastel town that some dude with scissor hands lives? You think it would drive down the property values or something. The end of the movie also doesn’t make any sense. He makes it snow? How did he start making it snow? And she says that “sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it”? What is that about? How can he still be alive after 90 years? And why is this old lady telling this spooky story to this little girl? She’s just gonna scare the hell out of her before she goes to bed lol.

2) The puny guy from Sixteen Candles/Breakfast Club was really the bad guy? LOL. What a bad casting choice, why didn’t they make it somebody badass like Emilio Estevez? And why would he try to fight someone with fucking claws attached to him? Did he really think he was going to win this?

3) There were some good parts. Edward says he knew it was JIMS HOUSE (you can see him say JIMS HOUSE here at the 40 second mark). That one neighbor lady was a judge on the hit tv show Friends. They have a foldout couch which was tight too.

4) In the end there are just too many questions: Why is it so colorful everywhere? Why did the old guy put scissors on him? Why isn’t there a TV by the foldout couch?

D

Professor Ben's Review

1. This is a pretty solid flick. It definitely holds up over time. That being said, there are a few problems with it.

a. The “old person” make-up they use to make Wynonna Rider look like an old lady at the beginning and end is pretty bad. Maybe it was impressive back then, but it’s fairly ridiculous by our standards.

b. Edward is dressed like Trent Reznor the whole time. Even when he wears real people clothes, he’s got this leather zipper and buckle thing on under. Look at his hands, he’s obviously not showering at any point ever.

c. Speaking of things you can’t do if you had scissors for hands… I’m just saying it’s something to think about. It makes me suspect that this movie was thought up in one of those “would you rather” road-trip games. Like “would you rather have scissors for hands or wheels for feet?” I’d probably take scissors b/c I’m not coordinated enough to get around on wheel-feet.

2. Probably the best part is those hilarious haircuts he gives to all the desperate housewives ladies.

3. I think, first and foremost, this is a movie about the dangers of homeschooling. You really need a chance to socialize with the masses otherwise you’re going to end up weird like Edward. And how did that end? Not well. So not well, I think the wife even squeezed out a tear or two.

4. It’s pretty cool to see Johnny Depp before he did all those jitsu pirates of the Caribbean movies. He does some solid work here. Ever since Depp played Hunter S. Thompson in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas he’s basically done some version of that character in every movie. It’s nice to see some early work.

5. All in all a festive Christmas movie for the whole family.

B

Santa's Slay

1) It was pretty stupid. I know I hate Christmas and all so that probably didn't help this but most of these movies with WWE stars are stupid too. Except for See No Evil, that movie was tight.

2) A lot of my problem with it too is the dark comedy part of it. It's never really scary and they just try to make inappropriate santa jokes that aren't actually funny.

3) That hot girl from Nothing to Lose that Nick Beam should've gotten on is in the beginning of this movie before she gets TKO'd.

4) This movie did set a new record for shortest movie ever. It was fucking an hour and 11 minutes long. That's fucking crazy.

Every year I get my hopes up about these Christmas horror movies that never go anywhere, smh

D-

Black Christmas (2006)

1) Light years ahead of the original. I reviewed the older movie back in the day. Maybe it's just that some of those older movies are too goofy to be scary, but the older one here is getting blown out of the water.

2) I think my original complaints about the killer being pretty goofy are still valid here, but I think they did a better job of setting up the history of the dude. It's kinda like in the new Halloween with Rob Zombie, where they do the tight flashbacks to his childhood. The only difference here is that all of the Halloween movies rule and this old one didn't.

3) The ending was kinda goofy. I mean the guy got killed by the Christmas tree? smh.

4) The babe from Eurotrip was in it which was tight.

Good stuff,

B

Jack Frost

This made me give up all hope in Christmas scary movies.

1) The snowman is really stupid. It's like he can die by melting him but then he always resurrects himself in this whipped cream mixture even if its not cold out. It doesn't make any sense.

2) The scene where he like forces himself onto that chick in the bathtub was fucked up. Even though he's a stupid snowman I dunno why that thought that was a good idea.

3) I thought the movie was over like an hour into it but then it just kept going and going and going. Jesus Christ, how many times can the stupid snowman die and come alive again. I'm forgiving for Michael Myers, but not the snowman that everyone wants dead.

Dear god I hope I review a good movie soon

D-

Ice Queen

Dear god this was horrible. I don't even know where to start and don't want to waste another second of my life on such a bad movie.

F

New Year's Evil

1) It has a lot of jitsu going on. Midnight happens at the beginning of the movie but then a wreck of clocks keep showing it as being before midnight during the rest of it. And what was up with the guy licking the panty hose? And as someone who can get their party on, that might have been one of the lamest New Year's parties ever.

2) The killers pretty goofy too. He reps this Richard Nixon look a like mask and he breathes through this stupid tube when he calls the chick to tell her about the killings. To top it off he jumps off the building at the end, falls like 22 floors but then is somehow alive at the end even after the ambulance takes off with his body? Who knows.

3) The scariest part of the whole movie was just at the end where he gets on the roof. Heights give me the heebie jeebies and my hands get real sweaty whenever I think about em. My computer's currently paying the price.

For how short this movie was supposed to be it seemed like it just dragged on for forever.

D-

Black Christmas (1974)

1) Holy god is the drunk girl good looking in this movie. Sch-wing.

2) The killer was kind of boring. He's not really creepy but just seems like some weird kid you went to high school with that just talked non stop about the video game club he was in but then went psycho.

3) The phone calls were pretty spooky. Makes me glad that they came up with caller I.D. because prank calls would creep me out pretty easy.

4) To be honest, I got really bored during the movie. It's like a bunch of goofy looking sorority kids who get spooked by some 135 pound killer that mumbles a lot. I don't know how they were supposed to keep it interesting. I wasn't wild about Sorority Row [Blu-ray], but it ran laps around this movie.

5) FWIW, it did have the tight revelation that all the prank calls were coming from inside the house. When I saw When a Stranger Calls that part was definitely sick.

6) There's a cop named Jennings in it which is tight lol.

Pretty compelling plot, but they jitsued it up beyond all belief.

C-