Bye Bye Man

Wgbw, This below post doesn't have much to say because honestly, this movie speaks for itself. I've re-written this post a bunch, but can't find tha words to say.

1) This movie was awesome. JJand I saw it in the tha finest city in west Johnson County and tha atmosphere was almost umatched. Initially, this movie didn't have much going for it. But, JJ and I saw a preview at that godawful Blair Witch movie and decided that we needed to tune in.

2) And, TBH, it is a (much better) knock off of tha hit movie CANDYMAN.

3) 2011 UncleBuff is a little more skeptical of all of these shenanigans than 2017 Buffalo, but in all reality, this is scary as nuts. I mean, you go into that house and then you die. And every time you think about his name, you die.  If you even think his name...you die. [Random side note- UB has been living by himself for a min now, and was concerned to go to tha laundry room after this. That should tell you how scary it was lol.]

4) DON'T SAY IT DON'T THINK IT. DON'T SAY IT DON'T THINK IT.

BYE BYE MAN,

A

Unfriended

Like I've previously said (not) about the Artist and the new Chucky movie, it had me on my feet clapping by the end. What a tight movie.

1) I actually bought this like a year ago to watch with a lady friend, but you all know how long those usually last lol. Anywho, the plot is basically that these 5 bozos posted a video of a drunk girl at school who (wasn't on team Mavs) then killed herself. A year later she comes back to haunt them.

2) I think it was pretty top notch and creative. I mean, lots of movies have tried to do the social media/ point-of-view footage, but never like this. When I first turned it on I thought it would get lame since you are just watching it through that Blair chick's computer, but it really was pretty unique. It also didn't get too gory which was solid.

3) Also- what a horrible group of juveniles lol. One dude admits to putting roofies in someones drink, raping them, and then having her get an abortion. One of them stole $800 from the drug dealer who got ratted out by the third person who was cheating on his bestfriend's lady friend, who was the chick who filmed the girl passed out and wrecked the other chick's car when she was drunk.

4) Probably the biggest lesson of the movie is that juvenile crime needs to be stopped early. It's basically a big public service announcement about the dangers of underage drinking, not teaching kids about consent, and selling drugs. Kids and their social media SMH LOL

A

Sleepy Hollow

1) Tha weather is pretty tight during tha movie. I always wish Halloween had super creepy fog outside lol.

2) Two huge initial barriers that this movie didn't overcome. First it had Johnny Depp in it. For you long time fans you know he gives me tha willies. And as I mentioned before, these movies set back in tha day are pretty boring.

3) There were some other pretty stupid parts. Like, what is up with tha hole in tha tree that tha dude keeps all of the heads and jumps into at tha end of tha movie? And why is tha dude afraid of spiders? I mean there's some headless dude decapitating people? Aren't spiders tha least of your concern?

4) And tha ending is pretty bad. So tha guy bites off tha one girls face, jumps through tha tree, then it is peacefully snowing everywhere? SMH.

C-

The Haunting of Sorority Row

1) My favorite genre of horror movie is the college/teen based thrillers (See here, here, and here) so it makes sense that this would be up my alley. The problem is that this is a made for tv PG-13 straight to DVD kind of movie lol.

2) Part of the other problem is I generally think movies that have to reiterate that "college is a time to try new things" are overdone. Like, oh we get it Kyle.  This isn't late breaking news so why do we have to repeat it ad nauseam. 

3) On a (sort of) random side note, why do they keep harping up these "traditions" that can't be broken. That logic justified a whole host load of social injustice (buff "academic" buffalo) and just generally doesn't make any sense in the context of some goofy social club having a meeting not to talk to other people outside of their club. Like who cares lol.

4) And obvi this one could never be close to the all time top 5 movie Sorority Row. The similarities are there in that someone died, now they think someone is coming back, etc. But generally pretty budge compared to one of tha greatest.

B-

Mama

This movie was OTC

1) It was light years ahead of the Paranormal movies in terms of scary shit popping out at you. Even when you knew something was about to happen it would still scare the bejesus out of you. It's also a movie I would think about putting into 3D just given how many times MAMA jumps out at tha screen.

2) It was also pretty spooky given how creepy the youngest girl kept acting. I've blogged before about why little kids creep the hell out of me. Maybe it's my fear of fatherhood lol.

3) All that being said I really wish they wouldn't have tried to explain a back story about why Mama was after them. It has a bunch of loopholes. Like why at the beginning of the movie did the dad try to kill the little girls? And why did he murder his wife? What did that have to do with Mama? And the ending was kind of jitsu when Mama just settled on jumping off tha cliff with the scary little girl. And why was the little girl eating all those bugs the whole time?

4) Random aside: I think I would've enjoyed the movie more sans all of the millions of rowdy juveniles that clog up PG-13 movies on a Friday night. It was like watching The Roommate on steroids.

 Solid stuff. I'll be adding this to the blu-ray collection. MAMA!

A

The Apparition

1) Talk about a letdown. I was pumped for this movie after the sick trailer for it and all the hype on all the horror movie blogs I read. It turned out to being almost as bad as One Missed Call (which I accidentally got on blu-ray lol).

2) It seemed like it tried to latch on to all the Paranormal Activity movies too much. There's like all this creepy shit that keeps happening but none of it is actually scary. Like the soap in the shower turns black and there's a bunch of mold underneath the floor and stuff. Yawn.

3) And how about that dude not telling his new lady friend that his old lady friend was TKO'd by whatever that spirit thing was? How mad would you be if you found out about that skeleton in the closet lol?

4) Maybe the worst part (besides sitting through this) is that it's really turned me off from wanting to see any of the new horror movies that are due out in the fall. This had so much promise but was just too disappointing :(

D

Thir13en Ghosts (2001)

1) One of the big problems is there's not really a focus on the 13 ghosts. On the DVD there's this extra feature that explains a background story for all 13 of the ghosts that goes into a way over detailed biographical explanation for all of them. It'd be cooler if they explored that in the movie instead of having to do it after the fact.

2) Some of it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I'm still unsure why those big pieces of glass can deflect all the ghosts away. I mean, that one guy got killed with one of them so why can't the ghosts use them? And why would the ghosts leave these super power glasses around that allow them to be detected?

3) Crazy that Shannon Elizabeth and that Monk guy were in it. Pretty funny that Brock from She's All That is in it too lol. He's always kind of a n00b in horror movies and this one's not too different.

4) At least the movie poster was pretty solid. It spells 13 all goofy, and says Misery loves company. I can't find a link to it, but back in March when Missouri and Duke lost ESPN ran that headline lol.

Meh,

C-

Paranormal Activity 2

1) Wgbw, after reviewing the First and Third I finally made it to the second. This is probably somewhere in the middle of the two movies. It's obvi scarier than the first one, but no where near the 3rd one.

2) After watching these out of order, they still kinda confuse me. It's like the second one is a prequel to the first in the sense that it's just a little bit earlier while the 3rd one is the actual prequel. Kind of confusing to go all out of order. I'm really hoping the 4th one just goes down after the events in this one and not in between a bunch of them lol.

3) Anybody catch the Michael Myers look-a-like hanging out in the background of that kitchen scene? He's pretty visible for a lot of the dark camera scenes and goes away sporadically too \o/

4) That reminds me, if I was putting together one of these movies, I'd never waste money to see if there were any IMDB 'goofs'. I mean, pretend a cup was in one scene and not in the next. It's not really a goof, just a weird paranormal activity that the movie doesn't really explain. Seems like it's hard for the production crew to go wrong in these movies LOL.

Eh,

B-

The Changeling

1) Reminds me of a mix between Poltergeist and Paranormal Activity. Unfortunately the movie just seemed to move to slowly. In the Poltergeist or PNA at least there was some development. Here, the guy just kind of goofs around while barely anything creepy happens.

2) The guy should've probly done some prior inspections of the house. If I was gonna move across the country (not ever happening) I'd at least look around at the neighborhood or see if anyone had ever died in the house. After he moves in that one group even tells him he shouldn't live there!

3) That being said the guy never even seems really creeped out. You never see him scream or run out of the house too terrified to come back. I guess I always wonder in the Paranormal movies like this why the people don't just jump ship. If the Cone became haunted I'd be out of here in a heartbeat lol.

4) At the end of the day it's hard for me to get on board for the ghost stories where the ghost isn't actually evil. I mean, that poor kid obvi needed some redemption, but I don't know if a horror movie is the way to go. Instead of doing all that spooky stuff, why doesn't the kid just make a bunch of evidence of his death available to the guy to take to the police? Would solve his dilemma while avoid scaring the guy.

C-

The Cabin in the Woods

1) I've started doing this thing where I try to sit around for a day after a movie to collect my thoughts about it so I don't jump to any conclusions lol. After a few days, I've figured out the movie is pretty solid. I actually feel (sort of) qualified to review this since I actually have seen 1400 horror movies and get (most of) the references made in the movie.

2) I was really impressed with all the shout-outs to other horror movies. The whole cabin/scary trees had to have been a reference to The Evil Dead, the 3 spooky looking people with masks was The Strangers, the set up with the creepy guy on the side of the road has been in almost every Friday the 13th movie, and finally (and most obviously) that pinhead look alike from Hellraiser. I think if I rewatched it I'd probably see a wreck of more people popping out.

3) I think the part that made me think it was goofy the most was just the whole 'there are evil gods who need a specific sacrifice or we're going to destroy the earth'. It also just seems implausible that these experiments were being deployed all throughout the world and not one of them was successful. You think these dudes would concentrate a lot more at work if the fate of the earth depended on it.

4) That being said it was pretty tight. Super scary creatures in it, mixed in humor really well and generally was a good critical look at horror movies while accentuating what was good in them.

I'll be tuning in,

A

Wind Chill

1) The movie was pretty tight for the first like 45 minutes of it. These 2 college kids carpool back home and get stuck in the middle of nowhere during the trip. Good plot stuff.

2) I'm unsure why he took the scenic detour. If this chick next to you in the car just complaining the whole time it doesn't make much sense to prolong the trip with her by cutting through the boonies. Maybe it's just because I'm not fond of long car rides but I would've told her she could hitchhike if she kept complaining that much.

3) I don't really get the whole ghost thing. It's like some people died in that same location a long time ago so they just keep coming back? This seemed like a bad episode of that old Nickelodeon show Are You Afraid of the Dark.

Pretty ho hum,

C

The Shining

Sorry bw for the delay, this weeks just been busy lol.

1) This movie was really super long. I get that it probably takes him awhile to have time to go apeshit and stuff but it seemed a little long even at that.

2) I think the whole point of the movie should have been that everybody gets cabin fever and starts going crazy. I'm confused how the little kid starts having all the visions before they even go to the hotel or what that one dude gets some vision to return to the hotel to check up on people. It would've made more sense if all of these shenanigans happened once they got to the hotel.

3) This shit was scary. Those 2 little girls were scary as hell, and so was the little imaginary Tommy kid. I don't think I'd get too scared of Jack Nicholson going crazy or anything, but those little kids were sure spooky.

4) The book was a lot better. Actually I never read the book lol.

5) I've sat around and thought about that picture at the end and I'm still not sure what to think of it. If it's really some haunted hotel then maybe it just got put there after he made it rain. Otherwise it doesn't make much sense. I mean, they've got all this time to kill (pun lol), but they don't ever notice it, so it probably has to have come after he died. Maybe it's a memorial or something, who knows.

Wish it wasn't so long,

C+

The Sixth Sense

1) The first time I saw this movie some dickhead spoiled the twist right at the beginning of the movie. It's hard to get buck wild about it after you know that he's a fucking ghost the whole time.

2) Kinda of a smooshy ending to a horror movie. I'm all for the romcom/horror movie but this feel good/reconnecting with his wife thing was a little jitsu. So was the scene in the car where they talk about how his grandma visits him.

3) It's actually one of the scarier movies I've ever seen. The dude with the bullet hole in head, the lady with the slit wrists, and the people just being hung were all scary as hell. If any of you blog readers get bored beyond the grave please don't come back to visit me in the middle of the night wearing scary shit.

Absent the feel-good ending, this movie was pretty legit. Hows this grade for academy awards winners Jon?

B

Paranormal Activity

1) At first I thought this was super spooky but now it was pretty ho-hum. The first time I watched it I couldn't make it through the part where she's hovering over him in bread just staring at him. That's some spooky stuff. People standing around looking spooky just staring at people is one of my pet peeves lol.

2) The rest of it seemed like a bad remix of The Blair Witch Project and Poltergeist. I can't believe that people actually thought this footage was real. I mean, this is just a less spooky version of the BWP. It's just in some house in the suburbia instead of some creepy woods.

3) I'd echo the my criticism of the BWP's camera usage. If any girl I was living with was just recording some supernatural entity scaring the shit out of me I think it'd be time to rethink the relationship.

4) And why on God's green earth don't they just run out of the house and never come back? Or turn the TV on at night so you're not in the dark? Sleeping with the tv on solves.

Meh,

D+

Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet

1) Had to change the original picture, I guess the theater poster for this is pretty risque lol.

2) Danielle Harris from the Halloween 4/5 movies is in it. That might have been one of the only redeeming qualities of it lol. It was an okay teen thriller, but the end just got so boring.

3) The scissors kill at the beginning was very Danielle Harris esque. It was almost identical to the way Halloween 4 ends. However, all of the stupid blood that followed was not.

4) Maybe I'm getting old or something, but too many of these new horror movies that just love showing blood go everywhere are kinda stupid. I mean, I get that blood is scary and stuff, but it seems like everyone is just trying to find new ways to make it squirt out and go everywhere.

5) This movie had way too much blood, and way too little story. I'm not a Mary Hatchet expert or anything but theres all these spooky stories about her so the movie was a pretty big disappointment. I guess that makes sense given that I'm not even sure this movie was ever in theaters.

You could find better things to do on a Sunday morning,

C-

Candyman

Trying to get back into some more of the classic/cult horror movies.

1) Really solid overall. I think part of the reason this was so spooky was the Bloody Mary tale used to really scare the hell out of me when I was little.

2) It's not as scary as I imagined it would be because the Candyman is just a normal looking dude. It'd be scarier if he was some creepy looking goblin or something.

3) I got kinda confused by the end. What was the purpose of the sacrifice? I dunno why Candyman needed a sacrifice/was holding the baby hostage. At least her turning into the new Candyman was creative/tight.

4) His hook weapon was a little jitsu. Been awhile since I've seen Hook , but that thing never seemed to scare me too much.

Jack Frost

This made me give up all hope in Christmas scary movies.

1) The snowman is really stupid. It's like he can die by melting him but then he always resurrects himself in this whipped cream mixture even if its not cold out. It doesn't make any sense.

2) The scene where he like forces himself onto that chick in the bathtub was fucked up. Even though he's a stupid snowman I dunno why that thought that was a good idea.

3) I thought the movie was over like an hour into it but then it just kept going and going and going. Jesus Christ, how many times can the stupid snowman die and come alive again. I'm forgiving for Michael Myers, but not the snowman that everyone wants dead.

Dear god I hope I review a good movie soon

D-

Ice Queen

Dear god this was horrible. I don't even know where to start and don't want to waste another second of my life on such a bad movie.

F

Thankskilling

This seemed up my alley but it was pretty stupid.

1) The killer turkey is pretty jitsu. He shoots someone with a shotgun, but how does that even work? When Chucky goes after people it makes sense because he has fingers. How would the turkey even carry around the gun?

2) The characters are all stupid. The turkey puts on a mask to look like the girls dad and she thinks the turkey is her dad. It's like, there's a 2 foot furry bird and you mistake it for your dad because it has a mister potato head mask on? That's some jitsu.

3) I always wonder if the people that produce these movies know that they're stupid. I don't know who could think this would be an award winning movie.

D-

Trick R Treat

1) It centers solely around Halloween, which I've got much love for.

2) All of the stories are set up really tight. The school bus story is real spooky, the first scene with the guy just staring at the chick is tight, even the girls who turn into werewolves are tight.

3) I could do without the principal guy. He's just real stupid looking, has some weird deal with murdering kids, and is somehow a vampire? Should've cut him out.

4) The Sam dude is pretty jitsu too. It's like a little munchkin running around trying to kill people with this candy shaped knife. I know this movie came from some comic book, but these comic book nerds invented some jitsu kind of killer. They should've just let that Michael Myers dude from the beginning of the movie be the killer.

I really want to be more into it, but every time I watch it I want to shut it off an hour into it.

C+