Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

1) Probably my second/third favorite Halloween movie. It's good that they try to connect this one back to the original ones. Probably one of the jitsuer parts of the Halloween series is that they have a hard time connecting the people Michael Myers is trying to kill with Laurie Strode. This movie's at least good b/c they try to hook it back up with his niece b/c Laurie supposedly died.

2) As a random aside why are the kids in the halloween movies always trick or treating the whole morning and afternoon?

3) The girl who plays Jamie in this actually plays Annie in all the new Halloween (Two-Disc Special Edition) movies.

4) The only jitsu part is at the end- why does the girl become the killer? Kinda like I talked about earlier I think the Halloween movies are better when they don't have these weird explanations for MM's behavior. I don't get the voodoo shit that connects her to him and has her kill people.

5) The cops daughter is obviously the hottest girl ever to be in a horror movie.

A

Friday the 13th (1980)

1) One of the first few movies that really nailed the point of view killer thing. Halloween did it a little bit but almost every kill in this movie is this way. It sets up a good ending because no one could guess who the killer was till the end.

2) Once you figure out that it's Jason's mom it's still spooky for a bit. The whole 'kill her mommy kill her' line is pretty famous and creepy.

3) That being said the last part of the movie where the one chick keeps fighting Jason's mom is pretty jitsu. It looked like a bad episode of cops where the police roll up and 2 old women are trying to burn each other with cigarettes. Makes you wonder how the mom really would've been able to sneak around to kill all those people.

A classic for sure but the ending kind of tanks it.

B

Identity

Not sure it's a horror movie but really tight

1) The twist is some crazy shit. I'da never guessed that it was just a figment of that dude's imagination. I guess it sucks to be one of the people at the hotel since they're just imaginary.

2) It's even good despite the fact that John Cusack is in it and he's pretty much never in any good movie. It's good that he stepped out of that weird indy role for this.

3) Amanda Peet's in it and shes tight. It's sick how she was the last one that survived.

B+ only because it's not technically a horror movie

Guest Blogging for the Finale

What's good blog world- coming to you all a little late tonight. Got a lot of blogging/tweet replies to catch up on, just wanted to let you all know what was good.

We've got a special guest for the best day of the year tomorrow- my boy @jordenwise will be helping me out with some live commentary as we count down the halloween movies tomorrow. I'll be coming at you all live at 8 a.m tomorrow and Jorden should join us a little later on in the afternoon - keep it good till then and I'll keep you posted on any further developments-

-Juds

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

1) It's still really tight because its a Michael Myers movie, but it's probably one of the lower end ones.

2) I still don't understand the story line and have seen the movie a wreck of times. It's like Loomis and the rest of those n00bs are in some clan that want Michael's ancestors to get rained on by Michael? I dunno. The movie is really sick until the whole colt jumps out to kidnap the little kid. Besides that it was a sick movie.

3) Paul Rudd is in it which is tight, but honestly it has to be the one movie he regrets doing the most. He plays little Tommy Doyle all grown up, but is the narrator at the beginning of the movie and has to play some creepy crazy dude which isn't really his cup of tea. IMDB says it was his first movie, I guess you take what you can get.

Michael Myers can never go wrong, but this wasn't cream of the crop.

B+

Halloween 3: Season of the Witch

1) Besides being about Halloween this movie is pretty jitsu. It's like a commercial comes on and then these mafia people in cheap grey suits come chase you and break your nose and stuff. I mean it's tight at the beginning when the stuff is happening but you think they'll explain it and it just never happens.

2) Really if it wasn't associated with the Halloween movies then it would've been a total dud.

3) It was so bad I've seen the first part of the movie like a dozen times and could never get myself to finish it.

Light years ahead of Sleepaway Camp but pretty bad

D

The Exorcist

1) I never understood why they do all the parts in the Middle East at the beginning. Like I get that there's spooky shit that happens there but it's hardly ever mentioned during the rest of these movies. All of the Exorcist movies do this and so does The Omen Collection [Blu-ray]. I just don't get it.

2) Really one of the most objectively scary movies of all time. There's kind of the weird creepy parts like where she pees herself, or where the wigi board thing is moving. But theres also the real scary stuff, like when she spins her head around, or when she walks on her hands backwords down the staircase.

3) I think it's also creepy b/c of the whole devil thing. Back in the day when I used to watch days of our lives, Marlana got possessed by the devil and the VHS recording I took just blacked out the whole devil part. Spooky shit like that scares the bejesus out of me.

4) The spooky music here is good too.

Overall good, but too scary to watch too often (like the omen)

A

Movies Still to Come

Realized I still have a lot of movies to review before the most dominant day of the year. Still on the agenda: Halloween 4 - The Return of Michael Myers (Divimax Edition), Halloween 5 - The Revenge of Michael Myers (Divimax Edition), Halloween - The Curse of Michael Myers, The Exorcist (Extended Director's Cut & Original Theatrical Edition) [Blu-ray], The Omen (Two-Disc Collector's Edition), Friday the 13th Uncut (Deluxe Edition), Trick 'r Treat [Blu-ray], Re-Animator and maybe a few more. I'll try to keep lighting it up- it's been great so far fans- more good shit to come.

Halloween (1978)

1) There's not much to say except that this movie rules. The set up's real tight. It's spooky as shit when he's just randomly staring at people. The movie's actually on Halloween and it's got one of the sickest endings of all time. When they look down and he's gone and the music starts up it's out of control.

2) It's scary as nuts. The first time I saw it I was at my girlfriends house and I had to navigate through the streets of western kansas to get home; it's been spooky to walk home in the dark ever since.

3) Michael Myers has got to be the most badass villain of all time. Jason gets all freaked out of the water and Freddy gets hurt by chicks throwing vases at him. Michael's just tight. He never has to run after people and always makes it rain.

4) The scary music is probably the best out of all the horror movies.

Probably one of the most dominant movies of all time.

A++

Carrie

1) It has to have one of the tightest endings that turns to the ZP in the quickest manner possible. It's like a classic locker room scene then the ZP happens and its gross as nuts. There's only a few things that freak me out like that #maximumjitsu.

2) The rest of the movie is kind of ho hum. It's not that long but it seems like it takes eternity for them to just set her up for the prank. They should've cut to the chase earlier and had her make it rain the rest of the movie.

3) The girl that plays Linda in Halloween is in it and she's gotta be the hottest babe from the 70s. #redemption.

Glad I finally sat through it but wouldn't do it again

C

Pet Sematary

1) There's some real tight stuff in it: There's a guy named Jud in it. They must say it 84 times. They also kill the cat CYBHB style.

2) The kid killer is super spooky. He was in Wes Craven's New Nightmare as the kid who keeps singing the freddy song.

3) Real squeamish part is where they slit jud's achilles heel. Gives me the willies just thinking about it.

3) The n00bs spelled cemetery wrong.

Seemed like a tight mix of the Omen and Children of the Corn- not as good but had some key parts of both

B+

My Supporting Cast

Just thought I'd send a shout out to those who have watched all the movies with me for their time and company.

First Cynthia- she's only been with us for about a month but she's been good to us so far












Also shout out to Frederick, who hasn't seen very many movies, but he did watch us play halo one night

And also, Charles, who loves lighting up the living room






And finally, some of our old friends were in here in spirit. we miss you dwayne

The Blair Witch Project

1) I dunno how anyone thought this was real. I mean- they're out in the woods for like a week and their video camera from the mid 90s doesn't die?

2) Also why does that girl keep holding onto the stupid camera during all of the jitsu thats going down? If I was the dude who was lost and my 2 n00b friends finally found me after 4 days with their video cameras on I'd put a whooping on them. It's like put down the camera and make some real moves.

3) The narrator is kind of annoying. She's talks way too much and says a wreck of n00b stuff. The part where she says "of course there's no natural resources left, we're in america" is one of the most jitsu lines of all time.

4) The director's name really is Eduardo Sanchez. #ebd

I get that it's original, but don't put yourself through it twice.

C-

Halloween 2 (1981)

1) A fairly solid movie but obvi not as good as the first. It's tight that the movie just picked up from the same night so they didn't have to make up some reason that he went away for another few years.

2) I think what made the first movie so much better than the sequels is that it's believable to all of the jitsu n00bs in the world who don't like scary movies. In the second one you start to see some of the crazier stuff that makes it unrealistic. He gets shot in the eye and is okay, they think he's not human, etc.

3) Some of the unrealistic stuff starts with some of the deaths. When the chick dies from being burnt to death in the hot tub it was kind of jitsu. I'm no biology major, but it seems stupid that the hospital would install a hot tub that could incinerate people. (On a random side note @pourem's hot tub can't go above 87 degrees so I guess he'll never have that problem lol.)

4) Something I should've picked up on earlier but just recently realized is that the nurse who drives Loomis in the first scene of the first movie (who also accompanies him in this movie) is the first chick who dies in Halloween H20 - Twenty Years Later (Dimension Collector's Series). Kind of a n00bjitsu move on my part to have seen these movies so many times and not put that sick connection together.

Still a money movie,

A-

Stepfather (2009)

1) I've never actually seen the original one and I'm okay with that. I always think those old movies are kind of jitsu and this one was tight.

2) The dad's really creepy. He plays a rapist on SVU who trys to be all suave about being innocent and it's almost the same role for this movie.

3) Reminded me a lot of Disturbia and Swimfan, 2 other fan favorites. Like Disturbia, there's the budding romance going down that's getting all fucked up because of the creepy killer. In Swimfan the dude gets out of rehab and nobody believes him, kinda like here.

The Swimfan similarities alone bump this business up

B+

Beavis and Butthead Halloween

The episode is called Bungholio: Lord of the Harvest.

1) It's really tight when tv shows do halloween specials. Especially sick shows like Beavis and Butthead. One of Friends only drawback is the lack of heed they pay to halloween.

2) Butthead's nacho costume and Beavis's nad costume are both tight.

3) There's not much to add- it's a sick show with a sick holiday. I remember it being longer than 14 minutes but then again I've only watched it with Amac on long Thursday afternoons so it makes sense that I wouldn't remember it too well lol.

A

Halloween Resurrection

1) They do a surprisingly good job of connecting this to H20. It obviously still has a few holes, but the dude getting his larynx crushed was a good twist.

2) When busta rhymes comes back at the end of the movie its so sick. He does that karate shit and has all those tights phrases: "trick or treat motherfucker" "crispy fried mother fucker". Some good shit.

3) Jamie Lee Curtis dies which was kind of jitsu.

4) How dumb was JLC at the beginning of the movie? Some dude has broken down your door and chased you to the roof with a bloody butcher knife. Why would you check to see if it was definitely Michael? Just cut his rope down. Speaking of which, why did she think that cutting Michael's rope down would kill him? He's survived fire, bullet shots, stabbings, getting hit by cars, etc. I doubt a 2 story fall is really gonna be the end of him.

5) The only big drawback is all the scenes where the party is watching the movie on the computer. The crowd just says the most jitsu stuff of all time. Also why is that kid fucking around on such an expensive computer/tv in someone else's house?

6) The plot's a little jitz but makes sense I guess. I mean they did break into his house and fuck with everything- I'm sure he'd be pissed.

Kind of a random aside but the dvd had like 37 previews before the actual movie. I was going to town on a lunchable and lost track of how many there were but it was a wreck of them.

A

The Ring

1) It's pretty spooky the first time you see it. All the messed up faces jump out during the movie which is pretty scary.

2) It's actually still pretty scary when you rewatch it. Samara's obviously creepy and when the little boy even just speaks its pretty spooky. Also all the crazy shit that happens is pretty creepy by itself. When the dude electrocutes himself its wild.

3) It gets a little boring when the chick is doing all the investigative work but besides that it's pretty well rounded. The end of the movie's good b/c you think its over but its not.

Nothing really wrong with it, but I don't like it for some reason.

C

The Funhouse

1) The beginning was super tight. Bunch of scary shit creeping around and the setup for the rest of the movie happened right at the get-go.

2) There was a wreck of references to other movies. The part where the kid is walking around with the mask on is straight up jacked from Halloween. The psycho shower scene also goes down.

3) All of the stuff at the amusement park was tight until that girl gets lost in the funhouse. For like 20 minutes she just walks around lost and nothing scary happens. It's like CYBHB and get the fuck out of there.

4) The creature/attacker guy was pretty stupid. You think they could've gotten a scarier looking face but who knows, I guess it was 1981.

Minus the ending it was good.

B-

Teeth

Probably wouldn't have ever watched it but @jkasten42 wanted to make it rain.

1) Although it's one of those horror movies that everyone knows is stupid, it was miles ahead of the other jitsu movies. The plot was pretty interesting and it was hard to guess what would happen at the end.

2) I could do without all the male genitalia shots. I mean, the audience gets what's going down, there's no need to make it so graphic, especially when they show a wreck of them.

3) The scene with the dog at the end was too predictable. This movie and hostel 2 could go without throwing the dude's wacker to the dog.

Teeth was okay but nothing to write home about

C

The Fly (1986)

Better than I thought it would be but still pretty jitz.

1) The first part was pretty interesting but it was pretty stupid that he turned into a fly. I thought when he went through there with the fly that other crazy shit would happen. Or the fly would fuck up shit with the world. Not the dude turning into a fly. It would've been tighter if the fly turned into a human.

2) Why is it so hard to shoot the bad guy at the end of the movie? Jamie Lee Curtis looked so sad in Halloween H20 when she had to whack Michael's head off, and here that chick was sad about shooting a dude who swooped her out of the doctor's office and made it rain on that guy's leg. Jitz.

3) There was some tight stuff. There was a couchbed, the chick's name was Ronnie, and we came up with the CYBHB. #yeahbuddy

Better than expected but still mediocrely stupid.

C-

Poltergeist

Probably the most up and down movies I've put on here so far.

1) It had some parts that were the scariest shit I've seen in awhile. The part at the end where the clown is making moves is fucked up. It's been awhile since I've screamed but that'll do it. Also that chair thing was freaky as shit.

2) It also was pretty jitz. What is that goofy light that keeps moving around? And the tree that like ate the kid was pretty jitsu. I dunno who would get scared of a tree coming through the window for a snack. All the lights/red goup/tennis ball stuff was kind of stupid too.

3) I can't get over the clown part. Why did the kid just go to bread with the clown looking at him from the rocking chair? Wouldn't you throw that fucking thing in the other room or something? And why would you just try to hide under the covers? Did he not think that the thing wasn't going to make it rain on him?

Don't get it twisted, it's a classic and it was definitely scary at parts, but too much jitsu to get too excited about.

C+

Sleepaway Camp

This is one of the worst movies of all time.

1) The little boygirl killer is really jitsu. If it's just the little girldude killing people the whole time how would they be able to make it rain so quickly. She drowns a dude one handed and manages to shove a 300 pound guy in a boiling plate. And at the end it looks so stupid, they're just standing there like a naked wolverine with all these unexplained blood streaks on them.

2) The kills are even more jitsu. Waving a bee hive at a guy going number two? How did the guy's skin disappear in a matter of minutes? The boiling water caused that one guys skin to explode? One girl got killed with a curling iron and her hands just went straight out in front of her. That last girl that died fell out of the shower hours after she died? Some of the most dominant jitsu of all time.

3) The only redeeming part of this movie is the sheer amount of cussing that goes on, it was kind of tight.

4) This movie was so bad that it makes me like movies that happen at lake house summer camps even less. Shame on this movie for fucking up friday the 13th.

F (and consequently moving the rest of the friday the 13th movies down another peg or 2).

Frankenstein (1931)

1) It was probably the best black and white movie I've seen. It's only 71 minutes long so my ADD couldn't get the best of me. It also got to the point right out of the gate so I didn't have time to get confused about what was going down.

2) The monster's got his ups and downs. When he moans it sounds like a 4 year old, and he got sad when he threw that girl in the water, which doesn't seem very monster like.

3) He also seems dumb (obvi I get that he just got resurrected or whatever), but other serial killers seem to learn well. I mean, he had a hard time figuring out what the fire was. Michael Myers was locked up in a mental institution for 20 years and then managed to drive a car without taking driver's ed. He even made his way back to Haddonfield without a map, but the monster couldn't figure out how to open an unlocked door. Some serious jitsu.

4) I'm sure it was still scary back in the day. He's super giant, pretty creepy looking, and can choke people out. I mean, I get it.

Best black and white so far, but my lack of fanfare for the real old movies keeps it from climbing too far up the totem pole.

B-

I Know What You Did Last Summer

1) It's mostly ho-hum. The first part is tight where something fucked up happens and then the creepy stuff happens slowly but my ADD gets the best of me by the end of the movie. Movies like this and scream get more jitsu because theres like a 100 possible killers that are running around and they keep calling audibles about who they are.

2) The whole fish hook thing was fairly original but not near as cool as a butcher knife or the knife fingers.

3) Why don't these people get the fuck out of town? If a bunch of dudes I hung out with started getting fucked up all the time it wouldn't take me long to make moves out of the town. Some n00bjitsu.

Good the first few times, but hard to sit through at the end.

C-

The Omen (2006)

1) It's a lot better remake then some of the other jitz that has gotten redone. Don't get me wrong, I like most of the crappy remakes, but this one was actually pretty good.

2) The nightmares the mom has are spooky as fuck. Another jitsu movie that scared me was that eyes wide shut one b/c of all the masks in it. In the Omen she has these dreams where she shuts the mirror and the devil mask thing pops up and its scary as fuck. and how scary is that little kid? jesus h. christ.

3) Julia Styles is in it and shes a babe. Her and Amanda Peete are 2 of the hottest babes of all time. Props to this movie.

A (but too spooky to watch too many times).

Children of the Corn

1) It's got one of the best opening set ups in the history of movies. First this had to have set the stage for a wreck of other scary movies that have someone get lost in the middle of nowhere and show up to a gas station with some crazy attendant. Props for setting the stage for greatness.

2) The music is pretty sick. It's hard to describe here but if you watch the movie you know what i'm talking about.

3) The corn fields are a tight setting too. Maybe it's my western kansas roots but the whole small town Nebraska with the corn fields is spooky.

4) The only jitsu part is the end of the movie. I dunno who this guy 'who walks behind the rows' is. By the end of the movie it's like that creature from beetlejuice who runs under the ground is that dude. (btw beetlejuice is creepy).

The first 90% of the movie is really good but the end kinda tko's it.

A-

Child's Play

1) It's not as historically important for me as the child's play 2 movie. This one's not as scary b/c you don't actually see chucky move around for the first part of the movie.

2) But don't get it twisted, it gets scary. The first part where you actually see Chucky move is when that fires going and he talks without the batteries in him and then he makes it rain on Andy's mom. And all the times Andy has to stay in the same room as Chucky is creepy as shit.

3) The creepiest part of Chucky is that no one thinks hes real. I always get the question 'but it's just a doll'. But that's exactly what everyone in the movie says then they get all fucked up.

Little Jennings was forever scarred because of that doll. I mean that shit lasted for like a decade so it's hard to rank this too low.

B