Moonrise Kingdom

Sorry for the shitty blog post tonight tw. Had to gii on one b4 tha month of April passed lol.

I saw this *gem* of a movie in 2012. I'm no literary critic, but this movie sucks.

1) First off, why is the whole fucking movie shot in this weird color? It's like a 1970s instagram picture but worse. It literally gives you a headache looking at it.

2) And don't get me started about the inappropriateness of the two main characters love relationship. I mean for crying out loud I hope this was rated R. And where is social services at during this movie? And when they get there, why don't they start putting in tha work?

3) The whole thing is so ridiculous. Two parents speaking through megaphones, a boy scout troop who embarks to go hunt this kid down, and the cop guy fathering this runaway n00b so he can have illegal relations with this runaway chick. Really, re-read that last sentence and tell me who thought this was a great idea.

4) Finally, and for the record, Wes Anderson has never had a good movie, and you can see why from this mediocre turd. Alan made me watch that stupid Rushmore movie (surprised that isn't already on tha jitsu). I don't recognize anything else he's written and it sounds like his new movie about a hotel sounds boring as nuts.

It's unfathomable this was nominated for even a Golden Globe lol

D-

This Must Be the Place

One of my fans (Carver ;)) suggested I tune in and I love my fans so here goes nothing.

1)  Uhhhhhhh. I'll preface this post by saying I watched this with Bricker and I was actually paying attention tha whole time (Bricker said he was intrigued by this movie lol). So when  I've been confused in the past because of my ADD, I really tried not to be here.

2) To say that this movie was slow and dragged out is a gross misstatement. Sean Penn takes his sweet time trying to hunt down the guy that tormented his dad. He's not really in any hurry and goofs around the whole movie. He broke back into a teacher's house to steal a picture of a boat, stared at a buffalo for a good 15 minutes, and then played ping pong with some dude he met at a diner. All of this was integral to the movie's plot lol.

3) And why did the movie have so many confusing underdeveloped subplots?  There's the wierd woman at the house who's looking for a missing person that we never find out about. It's maybe the young girl's brother or something, but when Sean Penn finally decides to drop the goth look then the woman looks happy. That makes sense given that a bunch of people didn't like his goth look lol. And why did he drop the goth look? Just because he made that old guy stand naked in the cold? What good did that really do? And whatever happened to that coffeeshop guy he was trying to hook up with that girl?

4) And was it me or did Sean Penn really remind anyone of Edward Scissorhands and not Ursela and Phoebe's boyfriend from the hit tv show Friends?

This must be the place that Sean Penn's movies went down hill LOL.

D

The Artist

1) What a beautiful film. Peter Bradshaw of the Guardian best described my own feelings towards the movie ""had me on my feet cheering throughout the final credits- I can't wait to see it again".

2) Actually I don't know what I enjoyed more: a) the fact that it was 'French-Romantic-Comedy-Drama', b) that there was no people talking, or c) that it was in black and white.

3) After seeing this I really think all films should go back to their silent and black and white days.

Actually no I don't. I can't imagine wanting to throw away my computer and type on some giant 1988 computer in my parent's basement that took an hour to boot up- why would you want to go back to crappier times in films?

4) Can you imagine the critics reactions at the time in the 1920s in France? They'd be like 'this is the dumbest movie ever- we were overjoyed when silent films went away!' And later generations would ask 'why on earth is this fucking movie in black and white? I thought that shit went out of style years ago.'

5) To be fair, I didn't actually watch this movie. I only watched the super long trailer that nearly put me to sleep. It would take an act of God to make me sit through an hour and 40 minutes of this.

As Petey would say, you can take this film, and give it back to the 1920s.

F

Eyes Wide Shut

What's good blog world, sorry for the delays,

1) Man 2012 has been tight. But this movie maybe the worst movie I've seen in the last 3 years (minus Annie Hall).

2) It's like 3 hours long and nothing happens. It's got to be one of the slowest movies of all time. Like an hour into it all they've done is gone to some dance where they were both bored. For a movie that lasted so long you think they would have some plot development, etc. Nothing.

3) What was the plot of this movie? That Tom Cruise is bored with his sex life so he looks to some weird mystery society for guidance? Is it that he was investigating the weird club the whole time? Or that the one chick died? Either way you look at it nothing gets resolved. I mean, he tells his wife he went to the weird club and then she decides she still loves him.

4) Speaking of which, how horrible would that conversation be? 'Like, honey, I went to this prostitute, and paid her 150 dollars, then spent 300 dollars at this costume store where I witnessed an underage girl being taken advantage of, then strolled off to this mask party that was way out in the boonies where they threatened to hurt you if I told anyone about it so I investigated it.' She'd be like...uhhhhhhhhhhhh.

5) And why was that goddamn piano so loud the whole time? The whole movie they just kept striking the same piano key over and over again really loudly. It was like nails on a chalkboard. I'll bet people were just pouring out of the theater when this movie played back in the day.

F

Lars and the Real Girl

1) I've been hanging out with a new lf who is into the generally well reviewed movies and I've sat through a few of them now. Most of these 'good' movies have been pretty ho hum and this one was no exception.

2) It mostly doesn't make that much sense to me. I get that it's a really good 'feel good' story about how a town can make the guy feel better and stuff, but what an odd storyline to get to that ending.

3) It's kind of odd b/c besides for the unusual storyline, theres nothing really wrong with the movie. I don't even think the oddness of it makes me not like it. I think the bigger problem is that for some reason unbeknownst to me, I'm not really a fan of inspirational/feel good movies generally. Except for 8 Mile, that movie rules and will inspire the shit out of you.

I heard @jkasten liked this #smh,

D+

Annie Hall

1) it has too much hipster weirdness jitsu in it. it's Pretty jitsu when they talk to the camera in the middle of the movie. the part where they're talking and the dialogue pops up at the Bottom is stupid. AND the split screen where they have to show both dinners simultaneously for no reason is dumb. Jitsu.

2) The jitsu just goes on and on. He talks to a horse while he's walking down the street about his relationship problems. He even goes back into a cartoon to complain about stuff. He goes back in time 30 years ago pops up in the classroom and has his 5 year old classmates tell the camera about their jobs. They go back in time in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past but at least that had a point.

3) It's like When Harry Met Sally but really terrible. It's like they walk around and talk about their relationships and shit but this movie just doesn't go anywhere. In Harry Met Sally it makes sense because you know the plot of the movie. I don't know what the plot is here. Usually a movie has some problem then a climax then some kind of solution. But this is just two people talking about stuff and then go off on irrelevant tangents: they fight and then talk about chocolate milk; they start complaining about some random spider in the middle of the night and that trails off into a conversation about black soap. It's like what is going on?

4) It wasn't a total waste: they talked about getting better everyday, and Pete made a bunch of jokes about Jon. Besides that it was a turd.

How this movie won any awards is beyond me.

F