Paranormal Activity 3

1) Top notch spooky stuff. One of the things that scares the bejesus out of me is when people are just standing somewhere staring at you for no reason. I think it's why The Strangers really spooked the hell out of me. This movie was just chalked full of this little ghost chick standing and staring. Really spooky. Movies with scary little kids also give me the willies and this had a bunch of them running around too.

2) The whole keeping a camera on at all times doesn't make any sense. Like if someone was actually haunting the place why would you carry around the stupid camera to tell your ladyfriend about it? I'd be like put down the camera and just tell me what is going on. It's kind of why The Blair Witch Project didn't make any sense either. I mean, your friend is stranded out in the woods and you're still trying to video tape it? SMH

3) Why did that one chick agree to babysit here? I mean, there's already 2 creepy little girls that are there, and then they tell you that they have these cameras all rigged up in order to spot all this scary activity that's going on. Just sounds like poor planning to me.

4) The ending was kind of confusing. There was like the group of old women wearing black and then the ladyfriend's mom popped that guys back. I get that he's mooching off his girlfriend's money to buy those VHS tapes, but was that really necessary? She must've really like her old boyfriend lol,

B+

The Devil

1) I'm a big fan of movies that stay around the hour and a half range but I'm always skeptical of those that are only an hour and 13 minutes long. My skepticism turned out to be justified lol.

2) I'm no religion expert (although going to Church is tight), but I don't understand the deal the devil made with the guy at the end of the movie. It's like because he confessed to the cops the devil won't take him anymore? Why is the devil concerned with him making peace with the world? Why would he care at all? I don't get it.

3) In addition to my fear of heights, I'm not wild about elevators. I mean, there's only a chance the thing locks up/plummets and it's all because people were too lazy to take the stairs. I guess being trapped with the devil is reason number 2 just to take the stairs.

4) It was hard to take that one guy from Supertroopers too seriously at the beginning of the movie. I think they really wanted the audience to think he was the devil, but the whole time I just kept imagining him trying to lick the elevator saying "The Snozberries really taste like Snozberries."

Ehhhh

C-

Tucker & Dale vs Evil

1) It was pretty good. Kind of like my thoughts on Shaun of the Dead, I'm never really wild about the comedy horror movies but this one was pretty well done.

2) I think I also liked it because the whole gist of the movie was really similar to the 2009 Friday the 13th which in retrospect I should've given a better grade.

3) Two other things that boosted the movie's grade

a) They mixed in a little RomCom with that chick falling in love with the hillbilly.

b) The non-leading blond was a super babe. She probably independently bumped this movie up a few points.

The fact that it wasn't an actual horror movie obvi dragged its grade down a bit but whatever,

B

Trust

1) At first I was really excited about this since David Schwimmer directed it. For those of you who are unfamiliar with him, he played Ross on the hit TV show Friends. Dear god was this a long ways away from Friends.

2) The whole movie is actually screwed up. I'm a big fan of the crime based dramas where they have to hunt down some sexual predator Law and Order SVU style, but this one wasn't near as good. There was no Elliot Stabler, no dramatic jury trial, and really no conclusion.

3) The ending was just sad. I mean, they don't catch the sexual predator? And then if that wasn't enough they show him being a physics teacher in Sunnyville USA with a wife and kids. Why didn't they just catch the guy?

4) I read in an interview that David Schwimmer wanted to distance himself from being Ross on Friends. I don't know why he'd want to replace that image of himself with someone who makes these sad drama movies with depressing endings. I mean, Matt LeBlanc won a Golden Globe in his new show Episodes. I just wish Ross went somewhere sort of near the Friends genre.

Beggars can't be choosers,

D+

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

What's good blog world, this last friday was FRIDAY THE 13TH, but there's 2 more of them this year (april and july) so I don't feel too terrible for missing this last one. The spooky part is is that there are 13 weeks between each one.

1) That being said, it's kind of goofy. I mean, this girl somehow telekineticly (sp?) makes Jason pop up and go crazy? What a gigantic screwup that was to accidentally make Jason pop back up instead of her dad.

2) This kind of ruined the ending as well too. I mean, this girl just has the ability to prevent Jason from killing people? They really coulda used this in Jason X when they can't seem to figure out how to stop him from making it rain on people.

3) This and Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday are by far the worst Friday the 13th movies by far. I really wish they just woulda had Jason come back each movie with the same sort of plot. I don't understand why they have to throw in these stupid additional plot elements that suck.

4) I think there's all these crazy uncut scenes on the old DVD of this that I used to have, but I always remember them being pretty ho-hum given that they are from the late 80s lol.

C-

11/11/11

1) SMH. I was really looking forward to watching (what I thought was) this movie. This popped up on the netflix instant thing and it turned out its actually this knock off movie. The original one is about a guy who goes to Europe and keeps seeing the number 11. This one is just titled 11/11/11 instead of 11-11-11. smh.

2) This movie is actually like a junior varsity version of The Omen. I mean it's almost identical except for the 6/6/6 thing. They have a crazy evil nurse/housekeeper who tries to get the kid to realize his devil potential, the kid doesn't speak the whole time, and the mom accidentally gets pregnant even though she didn't mean to. I mean I guess the one difference is that he actually follows through and kills the son at the end.

3) The only problem is there are just these goofy plot additions. I mean, what was up with the scene where the 5 professors are sitting around in the smoke filled car talking about their evil plan? And why does this crazy cat lady keep bringing the kid the lemonade? And how do those bees just come up in that police car and attack that guy?

4) I can't stand all the people cutting themselves either. People just touching my wrists in general give me the willies but that stuff is just way over the top.

C

Hostel Part 3

What's good blog world,

1) This was pretty ho hum. I'm not wild about the whole torture porn horror movies, but this one didn't even really have any scenes remotely resembling the last movie. I mean, it was cool that it took place in Vegas, but pretty mediocre besides that.

2) The whole straight to video thing was probably responsible for most of this. I mean, this movie was so bad that even the makers of the movie didn't want to put it in theaters.

3) It was a sort of good plot twist that the one dude was in on it the whole time I guess.

4) The ending was pretty bad too. I mean, I get that they want to get revenge and all. But was that last kill really necessary?

C-

Some Thoughts On the Record

Earlier I was explaining to Alan about how I have a much better movie taste than he does. Alan and I talk about this weekly so I thought I'd just go on the record about some of my thoughts about certain movies that obviously need to be made public.



The following statements will never change:

1) Empire Records is the worst movie of all time. I'd put a link to a review that I've done to it here, but I haven't reviewed it because it's that bad. It's worse than Adaptation, Annie Hall, and Lord of the Rings all put together. It's so bad I can't even begin to describe it. I mean, the people just sit in this stupid records store all night. It's so boring it's unbelievable.

2) Sorority Row is still obvi a top 5 movie of all time. It's one of the few movies that I can fall asleep to on repeat because it never gets old.

3) 8 Mile is the sickest movie of all time obvi.

4) For all my love of RomCom movies, I really don't like feel good/disney/animated/christmas movies. It would take a Christmas miracle for this to change. No matter how many of these I sit through they still blow.

What's Your Number?

1) It's super predictable. I mean, some dude friend starts helping her find her ex lovers. Obvi they're gonna fall in love along the way. It's unbelievably predictable- I mean she goes off with some other dude and she's obviously gonna leave him for the other dude.

2) All was generally going well in this movie until that stupid scene where they break into Madison Square Garden. Is this realistic that they play strip poker and commit aggravated burglary at the same time before jumping into that river? What kind of date was that?

3) That being said the movie was pretty tight. It had an original plot line, was pretty funny, and had her dad said LOL. #yak #yota. My only real qualm with the plot is just a personal grievance about settling down LOL.

4) Two other things really boosted this movie:

a) Anna Farris is in it. Now I know what you're thinking- she's not in anything great. But she is in the sick tv show Friends. She plays Erica the birth mother of monica and chandler's twins.

b) PAPA DOC from 8 Mile was in it. He plays one of her ex-hookups. I almost had to rewind it just because it was so tight.

c) They mention TWITTER a bunch.

5) Ciera had some totally irrelevant commentary that she wanted me to write including but not limited to: a) She was very fashionable the whole movie; b) her room was cute; c) the cinematography was good. #smh

Good stuff

B+

Sixteen Candles

1) I used to be really into this when I was in grade school. I watched it at a grade school party one time (lol) and got hooked on it. Ever since then it's lost its luster a little bit.

2) There's too many side stories going on. They forget her birthday, the geek is trying to make it rain, the dude wants to get rid of his hot girlfriend, and Molly Ringwald is doing 2400 things. I think the movie would have been better if they just honed in on 1 of the stories.

3) This is one of those movies where I'm kind of confused why the dude gets rid of the crazy hot girl for the normal ho-hum one. She's light years ahead of those others babes too (see Crazy, Stupid, Love or Swimfan). The one exception to this is obvi Last Kiss, that girl is just out of this world.

4) The whole story just generally seems underdeveloped. I mean, they both have quasi-crushes on each other and their first contact is like the last 10 minutes of the movie where they get together and kiss over those stupid candles. Seems pretty out of left field to me.

C+

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

1) Had a spooky beginning. The movies where the little girls get haunted by shenanigans that ultimately turn out true are always scary (see The Amityville Horror or Insidious).

2) The stupid part of the movie was when the little creatures come out. I mean, it's not like there's some madman in the basement, or some ghost that has haunted this place. It's just like these little miniature rabbits that pop out and talk to her. And was the ringleader of critters really named Lord Blackwood?

3) This really is a lesson to sleep with the TV on. Whenever I get creeped out that there's some noise in the house somewhere I just turn up the TV. That would totally solve the whole problem with the little critters whispering to her at night.

4) Kind of reminds me of the evil toys in Toy Story 3. They come out at night, are super evil, and that're out to get anyone that comes close to their territory. Maybe that'll explain this movie's rating lol.

C

Straw Dogs (2011)

Wgbw, quick entry before a big saturday night lol

1) It had a good setup. Guy and chick move back to her hometown so they can build this house and he can get some quiet time to work. I don't really get why you're gonna move to a football town that's not in Texas, but whatever.

2) It was kind of fucked up too. I don't like rape scenes in movies and this one wasn't any different.

3) The end seemed a lot like the tight movie Fear. At the end they are just stuck trying to keep this ex-boyfriend and a group of his friends out of the house. They even kill the pet before going in. Seemed like an identical ending almost. The only difference is in this one the guys head gets trapped in a bear trap. Pretty jitsu.

4) I think the whole point of the movie is that a strong police/judicial system is important to preventing rural southern communities from going bonanza on each other lol.

C

The Notebook

1) I know this will surprise my fans, but I am really up and down on this movie. Obvi I think it has one of the top 3 movie scenes in motion picture history (see my post here). It's tight that this scene is the cover for the movie poster too.

2) I'm not crazy about the ending-ending. I mean, I'm all happy that they fall in love after all those years and all that jazz. I even get how it's sad that she can't remember him and stuff all those years later. But how realistic is it that they go cuddle and die together? And what kind of security is that at the old folks home?

3) Anybody realize that Allie's dad in this movie is that evil defense attorney off of Law and Order SVU? I could never look at him the same after this movie lol.

4) Something that boosts the movie for me is the time that they won an MTV award for best kiss. Don't get it twisted, MTV awards are still pretty goofy and all, but it was tight. I've included it for your viewing pleasure.

I mean, I used to have a poster of this movie,

A-

Dexter Season 6

Wgbw, sorry for the delays, work has been busy lately

1) I know I have a bad taste in movies and stuff, but I thought it was pretty tight. Everyone I've talked to that's watched the show before says it blows now. But I've only seen seasons 5 and 6 so I don't actually know if it was better than it is now lol.

2) That being said I thought it wasn't as good as Season 5. This is probably due to my love for Julia Stiles more so than anything (see The Omen and Down to You). Shaking my head at them having her leave the show after that season though.

3) Some jitsu along the way. I have no idea why they thought that having his sister want to make love to him was a good twist. I dunno how that would actually go about in the next season and just sounds like a bad idea. But the ending where she sees him go to town on that guy was crazy good.

4) Something not really specific to this season, but that's hard to overlook, is the opening. Despite my love for horror movies, all the blood and bloodesque stuff at the beginning always gives me the willies.

Fairly solid,

B

Failure to Launch

1) Eh it was okay. Matthew McConaughhey is pretty good in most RomComs (see Ghosts of Girlfriends Past and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) but he was below average in this one. Maybe it's the combination of him and Sarah Jessica Parker (I have a hit or miss relationship with Sex and the City) but there was just something missing.

2) The whole plot is kind of ridiculous.I get that Hitch is kind of the same deal but it's still pretty unbelievable that you could just be a professional girlfriend.

3) The endings kind of ho-hum too. I mean, they tie him up and make him talk to her. What if he really didn't want to be with her? You'd want to sydh at your friends for making you sit in a room with an ex that you didn't want anything to do with lol.

4) The whole side story with Kit and that one dude is pretty distracting too. They should've just honed in on the original (mediocre) plot.

I don't know why I own this,

C-

Wind Chill

1) The movie was pretty tight for the first like 45 minutes of it. These 2 college kids carpool back home and get stuck in the middle of nowhere during the trip. Good plot stuff.

2) I'm unsure why he took the scenic detour. If this chick next to you in the car just complaining the whole time it doesn't make much sense to prolong the trip with her by cutting through the boonies. Maybe it's just because I'm not fond of long car rides but I would've told her she could hitchhike if she kept complaining that much.

3) I don't really get the whole ghost thing. It's like some people died in that same location a long time ago so they just keep coming back? This seemed like a bad episode of that old Nickelodeon show Are You Afraid of the Dark.

Pretty ho hum,

C

Cyberbully

What's good blog world. Before we get to the review I had just a few random thoughts. 2011 was obvi better than 2010 which was better than 2009. It was no 2007 but you already knew. I'm sure 2012 will be bigger than ever. December 2011 was the best month of the blog to date so we'll try to keep it going strong in the new year. Without further ado,

1) Me and Scottles went back to the lifetimesque movies for this gem. The story is pretty much this girl that gets on a facebook look alike and then gets it hacked by her brother and best friend. Then all these comments cause her to try and TKO herself.

2) Maybe this is more dramatic for a teenager, but I can't imagine myself getting too riled up about what happens on twitter/facebook. Maybe 15 year old AJ wouldve but I can't see it here.

3) The end of the movie got kind of long. I get they need to resolve her sadness but they could've sped it up a bit.

4) The broader question this movie should have asked was this: why didn't she just delete facebook and get on twitter. Twitter > facebook.

It was no The Boy She Met Online,

D+

The Wave

1) SMDH. Alan thought watching this would be a good idea and I told him it wouldn't be good. Turns out Nastradamus Buffalo was correct.

2) It's in German. I never understood how you are supposed to watch a movie with subtitles in it. It's like you're reading a book instead of watching the movie. I didn't want to read a book. And I'm no German major, but I'm pretty sure they kept not speaking German a bunch of the time.

3) Some other things I really enjoyed about the movie (in no particular order):
a) Political activism
b) Water polo
c) The cool music by the Ramones
d) Soccer
e) The subtitles
f) All the scenes where there were heights
g) Getting excited about traveling to Europe

4) I dunno why the teacher really gets in trouble at the end of the movie. And it was too predictable that the one kid would just go crazy.

Uhhhhh,

D-

Top 10 Friends XMas Episodes 2-1

#2) The One with the Girl from Poughkeepsie- Season 4

This episode isn't very good but it does have this sick song that Phoebe sings at the end that makes it so tight.

1) The One with the Holiday Armadillo- Season 7

This episode is the tightest all around (obvi). The whole holiday armadillo thing is tight. The part where Chandler hands the money to Ben and drops it is so funny. And obvi when Joey shows up in the Superman outfit its sick. Good stuff.

Top 10 Friends XMas Episodes 5-3

5) The One with the Christmas in Tulsa- Season 9

This episode is pretty solid all around, but is probably not as high as it could be because a majority of the episode is just flashing back to all the other tight Xmas episodes. I guess that you could make an argument that this should bump up this episode since it incorporates all the other ones, but that seems kind of unoriginal.

The babe who tries to get on Chandler (Selma Blair) is super good looking. I'm not a big fan of short hair but she's good at pulling it off.

The part where Chandler gives them all gifts notifying them of a gift to the orchestra is tight lol.

4) The One with the Inappropriate Sister - Season 5

Overall this episode is pretty stupid but a few small (non Christmas related parts) make this episode rule.

The part where Phoebe is just ringing the bell is pretty boring. I always get this catholic guilt whenever I walk by any of those people at the store and usually end up giving them money. My only problem with it is I wish they had like a sticker to give you showing you already have Christmas generosity lol.

The part where Danny keeps going to town with his sister is pretty weird. And Rachel's love life in this season is pretty goofy all around.

One tight part that saved this is when Ross and Joey prank call Chandler at the beginning. That part is too funny. The part where Joey writes the both of the scripts is one of the tightest parts of the whole series. And they invent FIREBALL.

3) The One With Phoebe's Dad- Season 2

This one doesn't have any super great individual parts. But the whole episode is pretty solid all around.

Phoebe trying to figure out her whole family life never made that much sense to me. I mean, Chandler does it in like 2 episodes. The producers never really try to make her attempts to reconnect with her family sad at all, so it just kind of drags the whole thing out for no reason.

Joey and Chandler delaying their Christmas shopping till the last minute is pretty tight- I've only bought like 2 presents so far lol.

And the party without the radiator is pretty solid.

Top 10 Reasons Halloween is Better Than Christmas

Wgbw, just a brief intermission from the Friends countdown. Sorry for the delays too but just a wreck of jitsu lately (besides when I've been watching all these movies LOL.) Anywho, here are the top 10 reasons that Halloween is better than Xmas.

10) Stores aren't closed on Halloween. Ever tried to go do something on Christmas just to get out of the house? You can't because most stuff is closed. This is a double whammy because usually the night before shit is closed too.

9) Nobody reminds you it's halloween the whole week of halloween. I've heard people wishing merry christmas for like 3 weeks now.

8) Why do you have to go home? I love my family more than anything, but these times where it feels like its mandatory hangout time are weird to me. Why don't we at least celebrate Christmas in July so nobody's car gets stuck on the road.

7) The commercials on TV blow. Why are there no halloween commercials during halloween? If I see one more jewelry commercial during the next few days I'm going to go crazy.

6) The bars are packed on Halloween. The bars are not packed on Christmas.

5) The whole Christmas dinner/lunch thing is just like a junior varsity version of Thanksgiving. It's mediocre food that's not near as good as just eating halloween candy the whole day.

4) Maybe it's my general indifference to feel good movies but Halloween movies just run laps around Christmas movies.

3) It's too cold outside on Christmas. At least on Halloween its fall weather that's really tight. Everyone actually gets excited about it snowing on Christmas, but it never does.

2) Environmental reasons. Everyone has to drive/fly home on Christmas, that must emit just a wreck of GHGs into the atmosphere. At least on Halloween kids get exercise and walk everywhere.

1) The Christmas hangover is bad too. Just when you get so excited Christmas is over, then everyone is packing into stores trying to return stuff and traffic gets crazy. It's like the holiday that keeps on giving

Bah humbug

Top 10 (8) Friends XMas Episodes

What's good bw, I remember counting down the top 10 Friends Thanksgiving episodes last year and thought I'd do the same with Christmas.

For those of you that might not know (shame on you), Friends only went 10 seasons so it only makes sense to do a countdown with the top 10.

Unfortunately, Season 1 and 10 don't have a Christmas episode, as the writers tended to focus more on Thanksgiving and (somehow forgot about HALLOWEEN) tended not to put as much effort into Christmas.

That being said here's the top 8-

8) The One With the Routine- Season 6

In all reality this one is pretty boring. It's kind of funny when Joey pours water on that guys pants and stuff but the Ross/Monica dancing was pretty smdh. The rest of the time they just look for the presents that Monica has hidden somewhere but even thats boring.

Part of my problem with this episode is I really think Chandler kind of tanks seasons 5-7 and he's really pretty ho-hum in this one.

I guess the part where Janine and Joey finally kiss is pretty tight too. Too bad they cut her off of the show.

7) The One Where Rachel Quits- Season 3

This is the one where Joey has convinced Rachel to quit her job at Central Perk. Ross breaks a girl scout's leg and has to sell her cookies for her. The only real XMas part of it is that Joey works selling Christmas trees and they eventually make Phoebe less sad about it by buying all of the dead trees for her.

There's also really nothing much to this episode. It only gets a nod above the last one because Chandler's still tight in this season. The line about a Muppet getting TKO'd is also pretty funny and is enough of a tiebreaker to boost this to 7.

Tomorrow I'll do 6-4!

Love Actually

1) I hate Christmas movies but this one's good.

2) The love triangle thing was really crazy/tight and unexpected. The scene where the dude goes back to the restaurant to speak the other language to that chick was super identical to the ending to the You Belong With Me video that TSwift did. Good stuff.

3) I get that it's real life and stuff, but the depressing endings to some of the stories always make me smh a little bit. The part where the mom is still kinda on the rocks with her husband for the secretary thing was pretty sad lol.

4) The only bad part is this movie has put up my expectations for all these other holiday romcom's that have 400 famous people in them. Valentine's Day was pretty mediocre and Roger Ebert said that people must have done crimes to deserve the punishment of being forced to act in that new movie New Year's Eve (it still looks okay though lol). Oh and the music during the movie isn't very good.

5) Last but not least, Elisha Cuthbert is a babe.

A-

Harry and the Hendersons

Whats good blog world. The last co-blog entry was wildly successful. Today me and @amacthursday are laying around all day so we're going to review some movies. Anywho, here's what I thought about our first feature: HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS.

1) Seems like Harry has a pretty big drug problem. He's running around huffing that thing of air when he first gets in the house. A drugged up Big Foot just seems like a bad idea.

2) Kind of messed up when the dad from 3rd rock from the sun just decks Harry. I mean, the whole movie Harry always seems so fun-loving I don't think he really deserved this giant punch from the guy. FWIW I caught up on Dexter the other day and Dexter goes after this dude in a totally unrelated show.

3) Big foot is pretty tight. I've never been wild about these family/kids movies but I am real into all those mysteries about Bigfoot/UFOs/crazy stuff in the Pacific Northwest. I still want to go camping in Oregon, but I think the rest of the roommates have thrown in the towel on that idea.

4) It's kind of tight when the kid is reading the book and just announces that reading sucks lol.

Surprisingly good for how much I don't like family movies,

C+

1. In antiquity, philoposhers such as Aristotle posited a “state of nature” in which man was stripped of all civilizing influences and his true essense could be observed. The European discovery of the Americas and the flowering of philosophy in the 17th and 18th centuries reinvigorated the debate about human nature. Many early novelists created characters inspired by native americans-these characters served to contrast European decadence with the simpler, more virtuous lives that the novelists imagined native americans led. I see Harry and the Hendersons as a cinematic manifestation of this long-standing “noble savage” motif. In the film, Harry’s intimidating looks belie his peaceful and simple nature. Much like the noble savages in early novels, Harry is an idealized version of a human. The film was released in 1987, so it seem reasonable that the filmmakers meant for Harry to be a “noble savage” like contrast to the “greed is good” ethos of the 1980s.

2. In the American imagination, the frontier represents hope, optimism, and a touch of danger. Harry’s home in the Sierra wilderness epitomizes our projection of the frontier. SPOILER ALERT! When Harry returns home at the end of the movie, we see a bigfoot family frolicking in the forest, yet we also know that cougars and bears haunt those woods.

3. Bigfoot getting milk from the fridge in the middle of the night is sometimes how I feel when I wake up in the middle of the night w/ heartburn.

4. Its tight when harry eats the girls flower.

5. The neighbor wears a cool sweater with ice cream cones on it.

6. When Harry gets a make-over, its kinda like beauty and the beast when the beast gets ready for a date. Its also a bit like when @alison cuts my hair lol.

B

Cape Fear

Sorry for the delays the last few days, was just a bunch of jitsu going on.

1) Pretty tight movie overall. I kinda like the legal thriller genre of movies and this one was pretty tight. It was a good evidence refresher too when they had that mock trial at the end lol.

2) The ending got a little long/jitsu. I mean, the guy came back from being TKO'd like a dozen times and then just eventually got trapped in the sunken ship? I think it woulda been tighter if they just eventually arrested him or something. Could've set up a tight sequel lol.

3) For some guy that couldn't read before he went to jail, Robert De Niro really learned up a storm during his time in the correctional facility. And dear god could he just put a whooping on people when he got out of there.

4) Crazy that young Juliette Lewis was in this movie.

Good stuff,

B

Edward Scissorhands - Guest Blog Post

What's good blog world. Got a special feature post tonight. Me, Alan, and Ben all reviewed EDWARD SCISSORHANDS. 3 great minds will review this romantic/christmas/horror/drama lol. Our grades are attached and I'm still kind of a n00b in formatting stuff. (FYI Ben was the only one photogenic enough to have a picture). Hopefully we can do more of this in the future. Without further ado...

WGBW, its ya boy @markster with my review of Edward Scissorhands

1) It’s a pretty interesting look at how suburbia responds to the other. Edward is initially embraced by the community, but his difference causes them to ultimately reject him. I think it’s a good metaphor for 9/11

2) The use of colors is pretty tight overall. Its sick how despite all the bright colors, its all the same, its really hard to tell the difference between people and houses. Edward sticks out so much because he is in all black, which is normally for jitsu people, but hes a baller

3) WTF is Kevin doing trying to fight Edward at the end of the movie? He needs to be cybhb and gtfo of the way from the human slicing machine. And what was up with the chick putting Edward in the soggy bread? That’s just a recipe for maximum jitsu.

4) Captain Queen Sparrow is pretty legit in this movie, but its hard to top him in Cry-Baby

5) Who the hell was the old bitch at the end of the movie? What was even the point? (these were actual buff thoughts)

6) Top @ajhawk quote during the movie: “So what, is he the weather man
now? He can just make it rain whenever he wants?”

Overall, it was a fun quirky movie

B

WGBF, AJ's thoughts on the movie

1) The movie doesn’t make much sense. There’s like this dark castle in this all pastel town that some dude with scissor hands lives? You think it would drive down the property values or something. The end of the movie also doesn’t make any sense. He makes it snow? How did he start making it snow? And she says that “sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it”? What is that about? How can he still be alive after 90 years? And why is this old lady telling this spooky story to this little girl? She’s just gonna scare the hell out of her before she goes to bed lol.

2) The puny guy from Sixteen Candles/Breakfast Club was really the bad guy? LOL. What a bad casting choice, why didn’t they make it somebody badass like Emilio Estevez? And why would he try to fight someone with fucking claws attached to him? Did he really think he was going to win this?

3) There were some good parts. Edward says he knew it was JIMS HOUSE (you can see him say JIMS HOUSE here at the 40 second mark). That one neighbor lady was a judge on the hit tv show Friends. They have a foldout couch which was tight too.

4) In the end there are just too many questions: Why is it so colorful everywhere? Why did the old guy put scissors on him? Why isn’t there a TV by the foldout couch?

D

Professor Ben's Review

1. This is a pretty solid flick. It definitely holds up over time. That being said, there are a few problems with it.

a. The “old person” make-up they use to make Wynonna Rider look like an old lady at the beginning and end is pretty bad. Maybe it was impressive back then, but it’s fairly ridiculous by our standards.

b. Edward is dressed like Trent Reznor the whole time. Even when he wears real people clothes, he’s got this leather zipper and buckle thing on under. Look at his hands, he’s obviously not showering at any point ever.

c. Speaking of things you can’t do if you had scissors for hands… I’m just saying it’s something to think about. It makes me suspect that this movie was thought up in one of those “would you rather” road-trip games. Like “would you rather have scissors for hands or wheels for feet?” I’d probably take scissors b/c I’m not coordinated enough to get around on wheel-feet.

2. Probably the best part is those hilarious haircuts he gives to all the desperate housewives ladies.

3. I think, first and foremost, this is a movie about the dangers of homeschooling. You really need a chance to socialize with the masses otherwise you’re going to end up weird like Edward. And how did that end? Not well. So not well, I think the wife even squeezed out a tear or two.

4. It’s pretty cool to see Johnny Depp before he did all those jitsu pirates of the Caribbean movies. He does some solid work here. Ever since Depp played Hunter S. Thompson in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas he’s basically done some version of that character in every movie. It’s nice to see some early work.

5. All in all a festive Christmas movie for the whole family.

B

Fright Night (2011)

1) Not as good as the original Fright Night but it was still pretty solid.

2) Couple of things I never realized about vampires. I didn't realize that you have to have invited them into your house before they are allowed in. Pretty crazy. I also didn't realize that some of the n00bs that get turned into vampires don't immediately make it rain on you (like the blonde strip club chick).

3) I kind of wish both this and the original would've left out the whole part about them hunting down the vampire expert guy. He only added a bunch of irrelevant side mumbo jumbo to both movies.

4) Did anyone catch Lisa Loeb's appearance in this movie? She had that tight mid-nineties song called Stay that was super tight. Kinda crazy she just popped into this movie after being off the grid for awhile.

Good stuff, but not near the original

B+

Santa's Slay

1) It was pretty stupid. I know I hate Christmas and all so that probably didn't help this but most of these movies with WWE stars are stupid too. Except for See No Evil, that movie was tight.

2) A lot of my problem with it too is the dark comedy part of it. It's never really scary and they just try to make inappropriate santa jokes that aren't actually funny.

3) That hot girl from Nothing to Lose that Nick Beam should've gotten on is in the beginning of this movie before she gets TKO'd.

4) This movie did set a new record for shortest movie ever. It was fucking an hour and 11 minutes long. That's fucking crazy.

Every year I get my hopes up about these Christmas horror movies that never go anywhere, smh

D-

Pulse

1) Why is it so dark the whole time? It's like it's in black and white or something. It's really hard to keep watching the movie when everyone is just running around with the lights off the whole time.

2) I still don't really get it. The dude gets like sucked in by these internet forces and somehow commits suicide? And why do they keep goofing around on the guys computer after he's dead?

3) I think they need to quit trying to remake these Japanese movies. I'll bet the original one was light years ahead of this one.

4) This really reminded me of that stupid movie Mirrors. It doesn't make any sense why there's these goblins that try to suck you into the computer because you were in their way kind of like how in mirrors it didn't make sense why the people in the mirrors wanted to get you.

Uhhhhh

C

The Human Centipede

1) Uhh, this was pretty gross lol. I guess I knew that before I watched it, but it was worse than I thought lol.

2) The bad guy is pretty jitsu the whole time. I don't know why he talks like he's a n00b. I don't imagine me watching too many more of any movies he's in lol.

3) Sucks for the girl in the middle who was just left there to hang out at the end of the movie. None of this movie was really uplifting at all, it was mostly pretty depressing :(

4) One tight part to come out of the movie was when 2 critics far more qualified than myself reviewed it: Beavis and Butthead. You can see their review here lol.

I guess it was unique, but besides that this was a turd

D

The Hitcher (2007)

Wgtf, getting back to the basics today.

1) The beginning of this one was pretty tight just like in the 1986 version. They go on a road trip which is always tight and then they see the crazy hitcher which gets the moving going pretty good.

2) For all my love for RomCom movies, I'm really not wild about all these horror movies that start out with these teens that are in love and excited to start their lives together. When I was falling asleep to I Know What You Did Last Summer last night, it's like this revelation just hit me. I know it doesn't make much sense but it's just like come on, not now.

3) This suffers from some similar problems that plagued the first one. I mean why do the cops think that they were the ones killing them? And how did that guy get hooked up to the truck?

4) At an hour and 27 minutes though, it was hard to go wrong with this one,

B-