Update

Sorry tw I've been busy putting in tha work elsewhere l8ly. I should be back this weekend with some new posts <3 <3

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

Before I get started TW, I know what you're thinking: man this movie sucks Buff. Why on earth would you review it? Well, I don't really have a great answer. I was board (sp?) and thought the books were pretty good lol.

1) Some of tha reviews I read said this was one of the worst movies of the year, and after watching it I'd have to agree.

2) It had some pretty good stars for being such a turd of a movie. I've been really into the Good Wife lately. One of the hit stars off that shows plays Tucker Max. It might have been before he actually got famous/good lol. There were some pretty big guest appearances by the main dude in Swimfan. Tha other main guy was in tha Break Up and She's Out of My League so that was at least mildly entertaining.

3) The whole movie was so bad I don't even know how to pick out specific parts that were worse than tha others. There's a scene where he interrupts his best friends wedding to talk about how much he's grown up. Then he says he got the couple a surprise and makes tha whole wedding go outside only to discover that he has set up one of those dumb inflatable moonwalk things. And that's how the movie ends. What a dumb way to go. Now don't get me wrong, I heard tha Tinz got one for a party when he was an undergrad, and tha Tinz is tight. But for a wedding? I'd walk out and be like dude, you made my 89 year old grandma come all the way outside for this dumb carnival ride that you rented? smh.

4) You think if I only blogged once a month I'd pick out something good lol,

F

Devil's Due

***Editor's note: this isn't a buff blog post although it is pretty top notch. I've edited tha external links in it but it is otherwise in true @cbear fashion***

**Editor's note 2: I realize the whole post looks goofy. I don't know how that happened. I assume it had something to do with the copying and pasting but I can't figure it out lol.***

Get excited blog world, @cbear's here to guest review the made for TV (not really, but it should have been) movie Devil's Due. Tbh Buff and I had high hopes given we thought it had a 32% on Rotten Tomatoes, which really isn't that bad. Turns out Buff read it wrong and it actually only has 18%, not surprising.  

1) Like many recent cinematic successes (Paranormal Activity 1, Paranormal Activity 2, Paranormal Activity 3, Paranormal Activity 4) this movie was shot in the home video footage style. That was cool but the main dude (a husband documenting his marriage) can't hold a video camera stable to save his fucking life. So I was on the verge of vomiting the whole time and in turn missed a fair amount of the movie. tldr: the cinematography fucking blew. 

2) As a recent Friday Night Lights fan I was psyched to see Matt Saracen was the husband. And I was not so psyched to see this article hit the nail on the head about the FNL curse, none of the actors can make good movies.

3) One of the biggest problems I had with the movie was I was constantly asking questions like "Are those people from the Dominican Republic?", "Did she already have the baby?", "I thought the husband died?", "Are those suppose to be zombies?" I wasn't the only one, even DB Ph. D. couldn't figure it out. 

4) Ya know what's weird? In Paranormal Activity when furniture flies around on its own I fucking freaked out but in this movie I was just like "what is happening? I need to go vomit." They didn't really re-invent the wheel I guess.

In AJ's words "I was so bored I just picked my nose and wiped it on Alan's jeans" which honestly isn't that unusual. But trust me, this isn't one of those ah well why not watch a low rated horror movie because it has some serious DA's like nausea and brain damage. 

Man I really wish we would have chosen All Cheerleaders Die instead. 

D-

Moonrise Kingdom

Sorry for the shitty blog post tonight tw. Had to gii on one b4 tha month of April passed lol.

I saw this *gem* of a movie in 2012. I'm no literary critic, but this movie sucks.

1) First off, why is the whole fucking movie shot in this weird color? It's like a 1970s instagram picture but worse. It literally gives you a headache looking at it.

2) And don't get me started about the inappropriateness of the two main characters love relationship. I mean for crying out loud I hope this was rated R. And where is social services at during this movie? And when they get there, why don't they start putting in tha work?

3) The whole thing is so ridiculous. Two parents speaking through megaphones, a boy scout troop who embarks to go hunt this kid down, and the cop guy fathering this runaway n00b so he can have illegal relations with this runaway chick. Really, re-read that last sentence and tell me who thought this was a great idea.

4) Finally, and for the record, Wes Anderson has never had a good movie, and you can see why from this mediocre turd. Alan made me watch that stupid Rushmore movie (surprised that isn't already on tha jitsu). I don't recognize anything else he's written and it sounds like his new movie about a hotel sounds boring as nuts.

It's unfathomable this was nominated for even a Golden Globe lol

D-

The Voice Season 6

BW, I know I always apologize about tha delays. Besides putting in tha work lately, I've been in a fit of depression (re: Jayhawks).

My other fit of depression is what has triggered this blog post about THA VOICE. Now I know what you're thinking: "Buff, tha horror movies you review are bad enough... why are you now reviewing tha voice?" Well let me tell you bw,

1) For you blog fans that have never seen tha show, tha gist of it is that these people go audition to be on a team of one of tha 4 coaches and after they are on a coaches team, they are coached until someone is crowned tha best singer.

2) So I'm sitting around watching the Voice (because other Monday night TV blows) and all of a sudden they show PAULA DEANDA auditioning for tha voice. Now for you n00bs that don't know who Paula DeAnda is, shame on you. She had tha hit 2006 hit single WALK AWAY. She had another music video that was featuring Bow Wow. And not to embarrass my other friend Buff, but just so you all get an idea of how big she was. Buff's music tracker website shows that she is the 5th most played artist OF ALL TIME. Step back and think about that. Out of all Buff's music, she's tha 5th most played artist.

3) She pops on tv and I'm like amen- the whole season will just be her lighting it up. Then flash forward to tha first week of battles and she's cut. I mean, WTF? Someone with a top 20 Billboard single is cut. I mean, even I could make it through tha first round of cuts. So my Monday and Tuesday night tv schedule has been all screwed up. Combine that with tha Good Wife killing off Will (topic for a whole new post), and it's been pretty miserable tv wise lol.

Anywho, I'll get back to tha horror reviews soon :(

C-

You're Next

Me and @alan watched this and it was kind of a turd.

1) Most home invasion movies are pretty scary and this one had a pretty spooky plot. I mean, family reunions are already draining when you have to drive somewhere and stay the night. Add a bunch of stalker people with animal masks and it's pretty scary.

2) It reminded me of Sorority Row in that the killer is actually the main chick's boyfriend who tries to convince her it was a good idea all along lol. Unfortunately it was super predictable and I ruined it for Alan not too far into tha movie.

3) The main dude also plays that crazy guy who randomly shoots that girl in The House of the Devil. That really should've been a top 10 scariest movie scene.

4) And unfortunately it reminded me of Home Alone (if Home Alone was a rated R movie about people coming to kill Macaulay Culkin). I mean, there's all these booby traps set up inside and outside of the house. Like the one that had barbed wire outside the house so when they left they'd run into it. I mean, a 12 year old could have done that. And what if the guy just looked before he started running aimlessly into the abyss?

Too predictable and got boring in the middle of it,

C-

Dallas Buyers Club

1) Eh it was actually okay. Tha (not too over condensed) story line is that a homophobic guy gets HIV, gets ostracized by his friends, eventually turns to foreign medicine to get better, and then (spoiler alert) eventually dies at tha end.

2) That being said, it was long. Like 2 hours long. And we went and saw it late Friday night so I got real board (sp?) in tha middle of it. Like there's a point in tha movie when he realizes he may not hate gay people that much, hates tha FDA, and wants to keep selling drugs to all these people. At that point, I'm like, let's go ahead and speed tha rest of this along because I think we all know where it's going. But then they just spend like 30 minutes on repeat showing him talking shit on tha FDA and getting more overseas drugs.

3) Actually tha movie had one of those countdowns like in tha movie Seven.  They tell him he has thirty days to live then the scenes start out like "day 1", "day 28", etc. At tha end of the movie it's like "day 2853" (get it- to show how long he has gone despite the medical consensus that he wouldn't). The problem was at that point I felt like it was in real time and we had been sitting in tha theater that long lol.

4) Man, Matthew McConaughey had to lose a wreck of weight for tha movie and it looked like he just lost all muscle mass. I'll bet that was a total pain in the ass and will be super hard to rebuild lol.

Besides how long it was, it was pretty good.

B-

Hannibal

1) After tha recent review in Carrie, it reminded me I never revisited a bunch of that Hannibal movies.

2) It's a lot slower than a lot of tha other movies. This one just has the one European guy trying to take down Hannibal on his own for like an hour and forty five minutes. I mean, I understand the guy's rationale that Hannibal is getting a little older and may have lost some of his touch. But who would really try to take down someone on the FBI's 10 most wanted list when you're no MacGyver yourself.

3) FWIW all tha twists in tha movie were pretty crazy. Like at tha end of it, when *spoiler alert* Hannibal chops off his own hand instead of messing up Starling. He must really have a thing for her to chop off his own hand even though she is constantly trying to arrest him lol.

4) It's also Ray Liotta's best horror movie since tha hit movie Identity.

5) Tha initial shooting that goes wrong is in Waco, Texas. On that note it is kind of stupid that half the movie takes place in Europe, but also kind of tight that it comes home to rural America.

B

Carrie (2013)

Sorry for the delays bw. That jitsu Nov/Dec/January combo is almost over lol.

1) I reviewed tha original movie  back in tha day. It's still got that same overwhelming gross scene at tha beginning lol. Kind of hard to really recover from that.

2) Besides that it was really pretty solid. The girl from Kick-Ass was actually a lot better than I anticipated she would be. I guess I just figured she'd look like she was 5 and wouldn't be able to pull off tha creepy Carrie bit but she was solid. That really good looking chick from tha 70s wasn't magically re-casted it which was expected but also unfortuante lol.

3) The special effects were also pretty sub-par for a movie that was remade. Like that part where the mean chick's head flies through the car or whenever glass was shattering generally. I dunno if that was supposed to indicate that Carrie was controlling it or if it was just poor special effects lol.

4) On a side note, I don't really get tha importance that people attach to prom in these movies. Having been a prom king myself, I can tell you it's actually not that cool lol.

Besides all of my complaining, it was actually really good

A-

Top 10 TV Shows: #1: Friends

Obvi no surprises here BW. Instead of talking about my love for tha show (which YAK if U R a tru blog fan, or can see by googleing Friends in the little bar at tha top right part of tha blog), I'm instead going to talk about why I'm more qualified to make that assessment that any of you posers and why I would clobber any of you at Friends trivia. 

First though, I'll get it out of tha way why it outweighs all. To put it in perspective, Breaking Bad's finale had 10.3 million viewers.  Friends had 52.5 million viewers #unmatched. Obvi, I'd get a lot of hoola for this comparison ("but Buff, AMC isn't a major network, Friends was too generic, more people were streaming it online" or other goofy claims), but without getting into the substance of why Friends is good, it is the only 21st century show that has hit 50 million views (which it did on multiple episodes). I'll cut the cord on Halloweenjitsu when some other show comes close. No one will come close to taking that challenge.  Everyone keep me posted LOL.

Now that I've taken care of that a further background is necessary: in like May of 2008, played M.A. in a game of Friends Scene It. I may or may not have been drinking and missed a single question and managed to give up the board to her. Ever since then, haters have been skeptical. More recently, another J.D. also claimed he could beat me.

This is all nonsensical.

Assuming arguendo, that the 2008 game wasn't a fluke and I was just actually out-Friended (lol) I've been putting in tha work for the last few years. Think about it, since the Summer of 2008 I've fallen asleep with tha TV on exclusively to tha show Friends. Even assuming that I only watch 2 episodes a night before I fall asleep*fn1, which is a fucking conservative estimate, and also assuming I haven't watched any eps the rest of the day (also generous), this means I've watched 4,015 episodes of Friends since I've started watching the show religiously.*fn2

For you friends rookies out there (pay attention M.A.), there are 236 episodes of Friends. Obvi, I probably haven't watched all episodes equally.*fn3 Nevertheless, this mean that since the last time I fell short in a game of competitive trivia, I have seen each episode an additional 17 times.*fn4 AND THAT'S ASSUMING I ONLY WATCH THA TWO EPS BEFORE I GO TO BREAD. 

Long story short, 
a) this is the greatest TV show of all time. 
b) I would pwn anyone at it.

*FN1: I know what you're thinking- but Buff what about tha 3 day benders you go on every fall and all those nights not spent in your own bread? Well, my ill informed friends, think about what hit TV show I would recover to all day on a Sunday (and maybe Monday if it was a bad one lol). 

*FN2: I've always slept with the TV on since I moved upstairs in the Pinecone (circa August 2006). However, at that time I am sure that I didn't own all of the seasons of Friends. To pinpoint when I started watching Friends religiously, I had to flashback to when I was seeing certain LFs and figure out if a) the TV was on with them and b) if it was Friends. To the best of my recollection, I slept with the TV on during my sowing my wild oats stage of 2006, and past the SS era of most of 2007 (even at this time I ruled at Friends and consistently took her to town on Friends Scene It). Early 2008 had some Friends, but I don't think I made a full commitment to falling asleep to the show until I had counter-resistance from AM in the fall of 2008 when she wanted to fall asleep to these hippie shows other than Friends so I made it a full time deal.Even with more recent candidates (KB, WU, GG, AH2013), they've all been on board with tha show.

*FN3: Season 10 makes me sad because the show is ending LOL.Tha last scene was tha only TV show that's ever made me tear up lol.

*FN4: Since last fall, I've mostly watched the blu-ray eps of Friends which are shorter and also the ones that are still replayed on TV, so I may be a little off my game. I've committed to the transition back to DVD since November 1st of this year.

Top 10 TV Shows #2: The Sopranos

BW, tha second best TV show of all time is tha hit HBO show THE SOPRANOS.

1) I know most of you think my movie/tv taste is awful (which I guess from an objective standpoint isn't totally off tha mark), but I think everyone recognizes that this show is top notch. As I've previously mentioned before, "The Sopranos rules."

2) Where to start. Obvi tha characters are good. Tony has his ups and downs (well obvi with tha MH problems lol) but is tight. I think my fave was always Pauly. He reminded me of my non-gangster self, in that he was kind of a savant about a lot of things, never really found a way to settle down, and had that sick haircut.

3) And tha plot development was tight. Although I've put to bed the haters, the mystery of if Tony died or didn't die was fitting for a show where Tony never found tranquility or consistency, whether in regards to his mental health issues, his relationship with his family, or his control over tha mob family.

4) My only beef with the show (besides tha legions of you n00bs that think he dies), were those episodes where he is in tha coma and keeps thinking he is Kevin Finnerty. They give me the willies for 2 many reasons to go into, but lets just say RIP to Kevin Finnerty.

ELEVEN

Top 10 TV Shows: #3: Beavis and Butthead

Tha third best television show of all time is the hit animated feature BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD. It's so good for so many reasons:

1) They've spawned so many one-liners that have made their way into my everyday vocabulary. The whole "uhhhhhhhhhhhh" thing obvi is tha biggest one. One of their scenes from the iconic movie Beavis and Butthead Do America is a top 10 scene of all time. All of their music videos reviews were pretty awesome as well.

2) As many of you will recall, B&B originally went off tha air in 1997. All of those hit DVDs we watched @ tha cone were all 10-15 years old at the time and still OTC. Even tha new season was top notch.Tha crying episode, tha ep where they just sit around having dreams all day, hell even tha Christmas episodes were pretty good (bah humbug btw).

3) I think a lot of it had to do with the main plots lines:
a) To B&B, tv >>>> everything. I tend to agree with that assessment.
b) Going to school sucks. I won't endorse that but you know...
c) Pursuing ladies and laying around eating food from the gas station. I'd tune into that. 

3) To top it off, they even had a pretty sick Halloween episode.

To paraphrase Beavis, this show kicks ass lol. 

Top 10 TV Shows: #4: Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Tha 4th best show of all time is SVU. You know (not to spoil any of tha rest of tha countdown) tha longer tha show goes without any giant hiccups really should speak volumes about tha show.

1) As I've mentioned before, the show is generally solid. There's only a few eps of SVU where I was just standing, screaming at tha top of my lungs about how good they were, but there was never really a long stretch of eps that were horrible.

2) In fact, me and bricker watched the entirety of season 12 in like a day and a half when we were bored. AND it was tha 12th season. It's not like some new gem we stumbled upon (that most of you hippy bloggers constantly tweet about seeing on netflix smh lol), but it's the same old good shit. 

3) And to be honest, Olivia just keeps getting better looking.

4) The downside, and obvi, way that this show could end up crapping out is when the whole cast dies off. I mean, how sad was it when Stabler left? Munch left this season, and rumor is Capt. Cragen is leaving soon too. I mean, starstruck Buffalo always secretly hoped that El and Liv would return for one final go around :(

Top 10 TV Shows: #5: Buckwild

One of the best parts about the magical year of 2013 was the introduction of one of television's greatest shows (#5): BUCKWILD.

Where do I even begin?!?! - Rural country living? Check. - Hot country babe looking to settle down? Check. - A bunch of country music? Check. 

AND THE HIT STAR OF THE SHOW TWEETED AT HALLOWEENJITSU ABOUT HER FAVORITE HORROR MOVIE!!!!

Even with only 1 season, it made its mark on television.

DAMN STRAIGHT

Top 10 TV Shows: #6: Dexter

1)  Part of the problem with my delay in blogging is that I have shows ranked in certain numbers prior to seeing how the rest of the season folds out. (For example, the last season of Eastbound and Down was actually pretty solid.)

2) That being said, this last season was still stop notch sans tha final episode. Really it was one of the better seasons since those first few that were so OTC.

3) I also give this show more credit b/c I always wanted to tune in for new eps and it kept my attention pretty well.

4) Random side note: whoever the girl that played Hannah and Julia Stiles also bumped this up a notch or two <3

I wavered on this a month or two ago but feel pretty solid that this should be #6.

Top 10 Scariest Movies: #1 : The Exorcist

Obvi the number one scariest movie of all time is tha hit movie The Exorcist. And, young Buff said it best in 2010:

"2) Really one of the most objectively scary movies of all time. There's kind of the weird creepy parts like where she pees herself, or where the wigi board thing is moving. But theres also the real scary stuff, like when she spins her head around, or when she walks on her hands backwords down the staircase.
3) I think it's also creepy b/c of the whole devil thing. Back in the day when I used to watch days of our lives, Marlana got possessed by the devil and the VHS recording I took just blacked out the whole devil part. Spooky shit like that scares the bejesus out of me."

 Even watching the edited version of this is creepy. 

 

Top 10 Scariest Movies: #2: The Exorcism of Emily Rose

Sorry for the delay bw- that Halloween hangover always TKO's me for a min. On that note, Buff always appreciates all the Happy Halloween messages :) Anywho, the second scariest movie of all time is tha Exorcism of Emily Rose.

1) I saw this movie back in 2005ish in AMac's mom's (EMac's) basement with Sagar and him. We shut off all of tha lights and it was pretty spooky.

2) Besides all of the spooky out of the blue scenes, I think I put it best in 2010 when I said:

"I think the movie's scary because it's whole theme is whether or not these shenanigans could be true or not. It's like the Chucky movies where all the non-believers get mowed down, only here its all the atheist people (and some of the catholics). I need to start going back to church."


3) Tha follow up to this is that after tha movie was over I had to go to bread. Only I was staying in an empty room at tha AMacian household that had two entrances and had some crosses hanging around it. Pretty scary. I woulda slept with AMac but he snored too much lol.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everyone! Try to enjoy tha best day of tha year today :)

Top 10 Scary Movies: #3: The Omen

#3 is both the older Omen and tha new Omen.

In regards to the first one:

"One of the few movies I ever jumped out of my seat for. An old lady friend and I watched it with speakers right behind us when the babysitter starts staring at that dog and then that creepy music comes on. I dunno why it was so spooky. I'm not scared of dogs, or of crazy babysitters, but some combination of the three was creepy as hell."


And the newer one was probably worse: 

"The nightmares the mom has are spooky as fuck. Another jitsu movie that scared me was that eyes wide shut one b/c of all the masks in it. In the Omen she has these dreams where she shuts the mirror and the devil mask thing pops up and its scary as fuck. and how scary is that little kid? jesus h. christ."

And obvi from tha picture above. The scene where the nanny/babysitter just randomly yells at Damien "It's all for you"** and then just hangs herself. That's pretty scary.  

**Get it Jon, it's all for you lol.**

 

Top 10 Scary Movies: #4 : Paranormal Activity 3

#4 is Paranormal Activity 3.

Now I know what you all are thinking: "Buff, that's pretty lame. All these paranormal movies are overdone and really the same movie over and over again."

While there's some truth to this, PN3 really sets itself apart from tha rest:

"Top notch spooky stuff. One of the things that scares the bejesus out of me is when people are just standing somewhere staring at you for no reason. I think it's why The Strangers really spooked the hell out of me. This movie was just chalked full of this little ghost chick standing and staring. Really spooky. Movies with scary little kids also give me the willies and this had a bunch of them running around too."

Also, all the old women just popping out at the end was unexpected and startled the shit out of me. It's a movie that I've watched a few times, and all tha times I've jumped out of my seat. Me and imfr0d0 even had to sit by Alan because it got so spooky at the end lol.

Top 10 Scary Movies: #5 : The Box

#5 is THA BOX.

I could've sworn I reviewed this movie. The cliff notes version is it is really a truly horrible movie and quickly delves into some rando NSA- human evolution- government conspiracy movie that sucks. Nevertheless, the first 45 minutes are terrifying.

a) There's a scene where this babysitter is talking to the kid and this figure comes up in the window and looks at tha babysitter and just stares. Really scary stuff.

b) Then when they're at a banquet the dude looks at this creepy picture and then this scary waiter looks at him and does the shhh thing to him. Fucking frightening.


***Edit*** I realize that after reviewing the above three paragraphs, none of them really make any sense. It's one of those movies you have to watch to really get what I'm talking about (unlike Annie Hall or Eyes Wide Shut).

**Random other aside. I usually hate it when people gooze over a critically acclaimed movie and then have no support for their love of it rather than "buff you're so stupid, if you'd just watch it you'd understand. Nevertheless, I'm confident it's still scary despite my horrible description of it.

Top 10 Scary Movies: #6: Saw

Tha 6th scariest movie of all time is the 2004 hit SAW.

Obvi the freaky doll is pretty scary. As I explained previously:

"The first time I saw it I was at the old Milhouse/ATM/Toromir house sleeping on the couch. I kept freaking out that the scary little doll guy who rides the tricycle would come down the hall at me."

The other scary ass part of it is when the little girl keeps saying that someone is hiding in her closet and then SOMEONE IS ACTUALLY IN HER CLOSET. It's another reason I'm scared to have kids. If they think the boogeyman is in their closet, I sure don't want to go look and actually find someone there SMH.

Scariest Movies of All Time: #7: Beetlejuice

Wgbw, #7 on tha scariest movie countdown is the horror- (but not really) comedy Beetlejuice.

A few reasons this movie is so scary

a) Beetlejuice is a scary dude. He looks creepy, has all those bugs and shit falling from him, and talks all crazy. He really reminds me of those guys standing outside the haunted houses that try to scare you while you're standing in line (which actually works but is the subject of a whole other post).

b) I used to have this recurring nightmare (knock on wood) that Beetlejuice was under my bed and kept trying to wreck havoc on me.

c) It is really a movie about what happens when you die which brings up that whole notion of eternity that scares the lights out of me.

Scary stuff.

Scariest Movies of All Time: #8: The Amityville Horror (2005)

#8 is the hit 2005 remake of The Amityville Horror.

Someone look at that picture and tell me that's not spooky. I obvi get spooked out by creepy little kids easy (see prior posts here, here, and here) (and probably a reason I'm spooked to ever have kids lol).

This movie was just full of scary little kids popping up left and right. And the girl stands on tha top of the house (heights give me the willies too). Ryan Reynolds is kind of jitsu in it, but with all the creepy haunted people and other little kids, this one is spooky as shit

The Thing (1982)

1) Despite my personal love of aliens, I never really can dig the alien movies very well. I used to love tha Unsolved Mysteries about aliens and I have always wanted to go alien hunting in Oregon, but for whatever reason Hollywood can't put together a solid movie about tha subject.

2) Part of the problem is that this isn't a story about some abduction or anything. It's just these explorers in the Arctic find some organism that can transform into anything it takes over. And then they just keep suspecting the other ones of being taken over. It's kind of like The Faculty but not a teen thriller and based in somewhere cold and boring.

3) To be honest I fell asleep in the middle of the movie (I h8 napping lol) but didn't really feel like I missed much. I assumed some people that were no longer in the movie got killed off but besides that think I pretty much got the gist of it.

4) There's a tool shed in tha movie lol.

It's long and not much happens

C-

Scariest Movies of All Time: #9: Child's Play 2

Wgbw, the 9th scariest movie of all time is tha hit movie Child's Play 2.

Nostradamus Buffalo was up to it again:

"It used to be one of the scariest movies of all time. I saw this when I was in the 6th grade and it literally scarred me for the better part of a decade." (emphasis added).

Now I know I've been given a lot of shit about this throughout my undergrad years, but someone seriously look at that picture and tell me you're not scared. 

Creepy stuff, 

Scariest Movies of all time: #10: Jeepers Creepers

The #10 scariest movie of all time is the mediocre teen thriller Jeepers Creepers.

And in a really eery fashion, Nostradamus Buffalo predicted this almost verbatim in his review of it two years ago (see above link):

"The first 30 minutes of this was scary as nuts. Really freaky when they see the crazy guy throwing bodies into that well and then having him go run them off the road. Really like a top 10 scary scene. Even that stupid Jeepers Creepers song is pretty scary." (Emphasis added)

The more Buff's thoughts change, the more they remain the same. Obvi this movie wasn't as scary when you found out the guy had wings and stuff. But the opening scene was still spooky.

A second reason this movie is so crazy is that I have a weird pet peeve of people staring at me from far away places. One time me and Buns0n were talking about this on the way to Hays and I asked him if it would spook him out if some woman dressed in all white was just standing out in the field staring at us. He just shook his head but you get what I mean.
 

Son of Dracula (1943)

1) These mid 20th century movies are growing on me (well sort of). Maybe it's because the plots are pretty easy to understand and the length of the movies accommodates my ADD.

2) That being said I still don't know why it's titled "Son of Dracula." I don't remember him popping a kid out in the original, but I guess I didn't see the Dracula's Daughter one either so maybe I am just out of the loop.

3) That was some crazy weird soap opera love triangle stuff going on here. I mean, the chick ditches her boyfriend for Alucard (which is Dracula spelled backwards lol), but only to become immortal so she can then turn the bf into a vampire and TKO the actual dracula. And then at tha end she gets crossed by her bf. You give someone the gift of immortality and they take it out on you by destroying your coffin smh...

4) I guess this was the first Dracula movie to ever show a person transforming into a bat. Must've been wild in 1943 lol.

B-

Top 10 Scariest Movies

Wgbw, this year I'll be counting down tha top 10 scariest movies of all time.

I was going to do my top 10 favorite horror movies, but I figured the brighter blog followers could just click on the A+ rankings to put two and two together.

In no particular order, the following factors will be used

1) Longevity- in terms of how long it was scarier for or if it still scares me now.

2) Instantaneous scariness- sometimes I couldn't sit threw tha movie even tho it wasn't really scary a day afterwards.

3) Whatever else I decide at whim lol

Stay tuned

The Conjuring

1) I don't know if it was really anything groundbreaking. When this first came out all I heard was "omg scariest movie i've ever seen" and had out-of-control good it was. I'm really not that hard to impress so it's not like this movie had a terribly high burden to overcome. 

2) But don't get me wrong it was okay. That doll was spooky as nuts; the ghost popping up in the little girl's door was creepy, and that whole hand clapping thing would have made me jump if I hadn't seen it on the cover already.

3) Maybe my beef with it isn't so much that it wasn't good, but more so that it just re-invented the wheel. It just seems like a huge mix of other horror movies. It starts off as Dead Silence with the creepy doll that is writing scary shit. It then turns into  The Amityville Horror (and sort of Sinister) where the family moves into a house and shit gets all creepy. It's Poltergeist (and for that matter a little bit of Insidious) where the family has to have some investigators come look into the house. And it concludes with the re-done Exorcist scene that has already had too many knockoffs.

4) Was it scary? Obvi. Was it worth all the hoopla it got? Probably not. Be a good movie to take a LF to go see, but don't be too amped up about it.

B+

The Blob (1958)

1) Now I know what most of you are thinking: Where have I heard of this movie before? If you answered "I saw it on the hit TV show Friends" then you'd be correct. You see it in tha video store on the One Where Monica and Richard are Just Friends (Season 4 obvi).

2) That being said, hats off to Buff for reviewing these classic movies from tha 50s that are part of tha Criterion Collection.

3) I actually thought it was pretty solid. It's like these people start seeing some blob/virus thing take over some dude and then it just grows and grows and keeps on consuming people. The real problem is the bigger it gets, the less scary it actually is. I mean, if you're driving down tha rode and see a gigantic pulsating red blob just inhaling everything just turn the fucking car around. Really not rocket science.

4) And did I just miss the boat on why the blob is afraid of tha cold?  Is the end of the movie just them dropping the blob off in some cold place out in tha middle of nowhere? #LOL. Might as well have just thrown it in one of those giant freezers or something.

Not bad for being so old,

C+