Annabelle: Creation

Sorry for all of tha delays bw.

1) What a great movie. Tha prequel to tha 2014 hit Annabelle, this really did a great job of connecting tha dots. JJ and I even saw it in tha same theater that I saw tha first one in lol.

2) I thought all of the movies associated with the original Conjuring have done a solid job connecting tha movies together. This one was especially top notch. Tha movie obvi explains how Annabelle got associated with tha doll, but tha end shows how the little girl who goes missing ends up being tha estranged daughter killer from tha first movie.

3) And you horror movie buffs may have gotten the reference when tha daughter gets handed tha old school doll that tha actual movie was based on.

4) Probably tha best part was the reference to the Nun when they are flipping through the photos. That Nun was scary as nuts in the second Conjuring movie, and there's no wonder they are making a whole movie out of her.

Very blessed,

A

Cult of Chucky

Happy Friday tha 13th bw. I have some more reviews to do this October, but have been pretty busy lol.

1) First of all, I didn't think this many sequels in could be so good. I mean, tha last one was top notch, so who knew how they would top it.

2) I love that tha original Andy returned, but that they continued to build off of tha story line from tha last movie. The brief gist is that after Andy got Chucky mailed to him, he basically locked tha doll up and tortures it. However, tha main girl from tha last movie is now in a mental institution due to everyone thinking that she [but obvi actually Chucky] killed everyone in tha prior movie.

3) Tha only goofy part is obvi that Chucky has now learned how to get himself into other dolls which is how they wreck havoc on everyone in tha mental hospital. At first I was skeptical, but it's a pretty good plot twist. Although obvi it will have trouble if they make another movie.

4) All of tha kills were pretty crazy, it was only 90 minutes long, and it connected well back to all tha other movies. Not much to say, but it was really solid.

A+

(oh ps- if you watch tha non-Netflix version, tha foster sister from tha second movie comes back at tha end. Really top notch stuff.)

Bye Bye Man

Wgbw, This below post doesn't have much to say because honestly, this movie speaks for itself. I've re-written this post a bunch, but can't find tha words to say.

1) This movie was awesome. JJand I saw it in the tha finest city in west Johnson County and tha atmosphere was almost umatched. Initially, this movie didn't have much going for it. But, JJ and I saw a preview at that godawful Blair Witch movie and decided that we needed to tune in.

2) And, TBH, it is a (much better) knock off of tha hit movie CANDYMAN.

3) 2011 UncleBuff is a little more skeptical of all of these shenanigans than 2017 Buffalo, but in all reality, this is scary as nuts. I mean, you go into that house and then you die. And every time you think about his name, you die.  If you even think his name...you die. [Random side note- UB has been living by himself for a min now, and was concerned to go to tha laundry room after this. That should tell you how scary it was lol.]

4) DON'T SAY IT DON'T THINK IT. DON'T SAY IT DON'T THINK IT.

BYE BYE MAN,

A

The Purge: Election Year

1) This movie sucked. I don't even know how it qualified as a horror movie except for people acting weird and dressing like clowns.

2) Pretty goofy plot. Some election is coming up and someone runs wanting to end the purge (from tha first movie). Some of the purge supporters try and kill her tha night of in order to maintain tha purge forever.

3) I mean how goofy was this? The chick at tha beginning tried to steal candy from the store then returned in a halloween costume covered in blood singing about the purge. She stood there yelling "I'm gonna get my candy." Like WTF? How dumb is this? Then some chick walks out and shoots her lol. Too many of these people are very lackadaisical just running around singing getting TKOd.

4)  It was only like an hour and a half long but I literally fell asleep twice during the movie. It was that boring. You could watch a 10 minute clip of the movie to figure out this is the most predictable boring overdone movie of the last decade.

5) The only good part is that tha title reminds me of 2016's current front runner for song of tha year: Eric Church's RECORD YEAR. This movie would've been bumped up 2 notches if that song just played tha whole time and renamed itself "Tha Purge: Having a Record Year."

D-

Unfriended

Like I've previously said (not) about the Artist and the new Chucky movie, it had me on my feet clapping by the end. What a tight movie.

1) I actually bought this like a year ago to watch with a lady friend, but you all know how long those usually last lol. Anywho, the plot is basically that these 5 bozos posted a video of a drunk girl at school who (wasn't on team Mavs) then killed herself. A year later she comes back to haunt them.

2) I think it was pretty top notch and creative. I mean, lots of movies have tried to do the social media/ point-of-view footage, but never like this. When I first turned it on I thought it would get lame since you are just watching it through that Blair chick's computer, but it really was pretty unique. It also didn't get too gory which was solid.

3) Also- what a horrible group of juveniles lol. One dude admits to putting roofies in someones drink, raping them, and then having her get an abortion. One of them stole $800 from the drug dealer who got ratted out by the third person who was cheating on his bestfriend's lady friend, who was the chick who filmed the girl passed out and wrecked the other chick's car when she was drunk.

4) Probably the biggest lesson of the movie is that juvenile crime needs to be stopped early. It's basically a big public service announcement about the dangers of underage drinking, not teaching kids about consent, and selling drugs. Kids and their social media SMH LOL

A

Blair Witch (2016)

Oh lord

1) Many of you long blog fans will remember when I reviewed tha first movie (one of my first posts on tha blog). If you haven't read it, I would recommend it because 30 year old Buffalo and 24 year old Buffalo still share similar criticisms.

2) The movie was off to a good start. JJ and I had tha theater to our selves and we had soda and candy.

3) Only then tha wheels fall off. It's a sequel where they are trying to find his sister from the first movie (which reminds you of tha remake Friday the 13th). One girl cuts her foot and then it starts pulsating and later spits out a piece of string. (Go back and read that sentence again- it was that bad). Then she dies when she falls off a tree trying to retrieve a drone. Her companion dies (maybe) when a tree falls on him. SMH

4) Finally at the end you anticipate you'll get some closure. They run into the same cabin as the first movie. It looks the same inside. You finally figure out why people stare in the corner (so they don't see the witch and die). But then they ruin it some more. Creepy dude from the beginning comes back to try to kidnap the chick. The guy and chick (SPOILER) both die after they look at the witch.

5) Usually I don't do a 5, but this was bad. Things that tha movie didn't resolve: a) was tha creepy guy really in on tha whole thing? b) did that Pete (Petey sp?) guy really die? c) how can tha witch stop time and make it flash outside? d) why did they buy these 3 dollar budge flashlights instead of those industrial ones? d) WHY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH DO THESE PEOPLE KEEP FILMING THIS? I mean, you're dragging yourself down a tunnel after you see a bunch of creepy figures out in the middle of the woods, and you're like "I really better make sure to get this on tape.

A SMDH moment for sure,

C- (only because it is better than that awful Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2)

The Visit

The good thing about not blogging for a year is that there is no shortage of material to go to town on.

1) I saw this hit 2015 movie in theaters. These two kids go to the boonies to visit their grandparents who are estranged from their mom. The grandparents start doing all this weird stuff and it goes from there.

2) I don't know why the kids don't just obey their grandparents and not go to the basement or stay up past 9:30. Seems like a pretty simple rule to follow that would have avoided all of these shenanigans. (I wouldn't want to go in some scary basement and lord knows I can't stay up past 9:30.) I mean, they see their grandma naked, projectile vomiting, and him using the tool-shed. I'd do as I was told and stay in my room lol.

3) The whole "cell phones don't work in this part of the country" subplot is getting kind of goofy in 2016. The only place I know where cell phones don't work is at Memorial Stadium during packed KU FOOTBALL games.

4) And really, how irresponsible is the mom? You haven't spoken to your parents in a bajillion years and you send your kids there with no oversight. The sequel will be social services taking the kids into state custody lol.

Overall pretty good. I didn't see the crazy ending coming and it was pretty short lol.

B

Krampus

What's good blog world. Figured I'll try and bring back tha blogging for this October lol. Some of you may remember last Winter's hit movie KRAMPUS. I didn't quite make it to tha theaters to see this one due to tha movie CREED (which was pretty OTC btw).

1) Anywho, this was pretty solid for being about Christmas. My loyal blog readers will remember that I can't stand Christmas (see here, here, and here), but this was still pretty original for being based on a pretty well-known XMas horror figure.

2) Most of the time they sit around and complain about Christmas (which makes a lot of sense to me obvi).  I'm with them- a forced holiday that makes everything busier and that if you complain about at all then everyone tells you to quit ruining the special day. (As a side note- I usually make up having a ladyfriend every year so I can leave Christmas early lol). But I guess that's why Krampus pops out- he can't stand when people don't like Christmas.

3) Although I will say the movie gets pretty goofy in the middle of it. There's like a bunch of gingerbread cookies that start shooting nail guns at that one dude. Krampus appears to be able to metaphor as tha one scene shows him jumping over houses, and then becomes a clown who eats people. I don't know if I totally get it.

4) When JJ and I saw CREED in theaters I kept telling him how funny I thought it would be if Krampus just jumped out at the end of the movie when they run up the stairs. I'm glad he didn't lol.

B-

The Addams Family (1991)

WGBW, Uncle Buffalo is back. I know I constantly apologize for tha lack of delays but it is tha second greatest day of tha year, and I wouldn't forget about this.

1) Despite 24 year old Buff's earlier thoughts, this movie is definitely running laps around tha second movie. Tha first one obvi started it all, it avoided that wretched gremlin from tha second, and they play golf most of tha movie.

2) To be honest, this whole movie freaked me out for the better part of my childhood. Obvi, not as much as Child's Play 2, but really pretty close. I mean, there is a fucking hand that can be anywhere that just randomly messes with you; tha Lurch guy could put a beating on anyone; and two really creepy children and tha spooky uncle.

3) FWIW, this movie was also tight because it was tha start of Christina Ricci's acting career. She has never really been in anything tight (except for that one ep of tha Good Wife obvi), but she is pretty top notch.

4) This movie always has a special place in my <3 due to its constant airtime over tha Halloween season. It also had a fucking pinball machine that was in every arcade lol.

Super pumped tw.

A-

Nurse Jackie Finale Thoughts

WGBW, sorry for the (9 month) delay lol. Oh and DB don't read too far- spoilers ahead lol.

I'm coming out of tha woodwork tonight to give a prediction for tha finale of tha hit tv show NURSE JACKIE.

Now before I get started, I'll bet a bunch of you don't really care and wish this was about something else. Well go eat some dirt. I don't really care lol.

1) ) Nurse Jackie has always been good at hooking up flashbacks to prior episodes. Tha finale is called "I say a Little Prayer." Some of you fans may remember that this song opened up Season 2 right after Jackie took all of those drugs and went on a family vacation to get away from Eddie. During the last ep of season 1 she takes a bunch of drugs and wonders if she is seeing things. During the opening ep of season 2 she keeps seeing Eddie too. The whole last season prior to tha finale she had a wreck of hallucinations while she was super high. (This is probably getting a little too Sopranos.)

2)  Besides last ep's revelation that she had clean UA's, I would've bet dollars that she had just been using tha whole last season. It is a little weird that in all prior seasons we knew when Jackie was using. And now they are just flirting with the idea by showing her putting some unnamed pill in her mouth. But I think tha hallucination confirms she is.

3) Long story short I think the cliffhanger from tha last ep (that showed Jackie popping pills and then seeing that one dude fly) clearly show that she has fallen off tha wagon.  Also, if anyone caught the one liner from tha end of the finale "Make me good God"(which she originally said during the pilot ep before you realized she had a family- "make me good God, but not today.") may signal that her time has come.

4) That being said- the last Showtime finale that tried to provide some closure took a big swing and a miss (see Dexter). However, I'm hoping they've come to their senses. At tha end of the day, I predict that Jackie takes an inordinate amount of painkillers and they try to revive her. (The ending makes sense- Jackie is obvi really self centered and if she can't be a nurse she could try to TKO herself- she wouldn't really care how this affected anyone else (i.e. how she has let her drugs go before everything else). Maybe to "make her good", she will try and get out of everyone's hair by TKO'ing herself.

I imagine the ep ends as they are trying to save her, so we will never know what happens.

Suspiria

1) I figured it was time to review Suspiria as it pops up on almost every top 10 horror films list.

2) I don't really get the infatuation with all of tha inside organs and flesh. I mean that one chick gets all of her ish cut open, then tha dog is going to town on that one guy's business. Pretty gross.

3) Also, some of it doesn't make much sense. Like the time the Tom Cruise look alike shows up outside that Lincoln Memorial look a like and gets mauled by that ugly looking Hutchy. The part about the doctor telling her to drink wine to built up her immune system is pretty tight tho. Dr. Buffalo approves lol.

4) Overall tho it was pretty spooky: it had that crazy Exorcist type music, was set in a foreign country (which makes uncle buff homesick and pretty spooked out), and had creepy ish popping out of rando spaces.

5) But I have to throw tha challenge flag in on tha ending of it. I mean- so it's a school ran by some witch? And tha witch dies just by getting stabbed in tha throat? Really for how overall scary and engaging tha movie is, this ill-informed short-sighted explanation was a real injustice.

Pretty solid tho,

B+

Freaks

1) I know this is considered a "classic", but the main reason I wanted to review it is Meadow's boyfriend in Season 3 of tha Sopranos says it's supposed to be an all time great horror movie. Unfortunately (and despite the 1 hour length of it), this movie is pretty boring. The only other carnival -esque horror movie that I am terribly familiar with is tha hit movie The Funhouse, which is running laps around this ish.

2) I mean, this isn't really a movie that is scary in terms of some rando members of the public being taken out at a circus. This is just some sideshow people picking on some turd people that work in other departments. How is anyone supposed to be spooked by that?

3) And how hard would it be to make this movie scary? As I'm sure some of you long time followers will remember- me, doggles, milhouse, and NPJ went to a haunted house one time our freshman year of college and some Darth Vader lookalike chased me out of tha haunted house for like 3 blocks through downtown KCMO. How hard would it have been for them to hone in on some rando civilian?

4) It befuddles me that this movie was so graphic and scary that it was banned and restricted in a bunch of places. Nothing to write home about here,

D

Sleepy Hollow

1) Tha weather is pretty tight during tha movie. I always wish Halloween had super creepy fog outside lol.

2) Two huge initial barriers that this movie didn't overcome. First it had Johnny Depp in it. For you long time fans you know he gives me tha willies. And as I mentioned before, these movies set back in tha day are pretty boring.

3) There were some other pretty stupid parts. Like, what is up with tha hole in tha tree that tha dude keeps all of the heads and jumps into at tha end of tha movie? And why is tha dude afraid of spiders? I mean there's some headless dude decapitating people? Aren't spiders tha least of your concern?

4) And tha ending is pretty bad. So tha guy bites off tha one girls face, jumps through tha tree, then it is peacefully snowing everywhere? SMH.

C-

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones

1) I think the connections here between this and tha rest of the Paranormal movies is pretty difficult to grasp, even for a local expert like Uncle Buffalo.

2) Tha movie is hinted to at tha end of Paranormal Activity 4 with tha newspaper clippings they see near tha end of tha movie. I think the general gist is that all of tha crazy witch chicks out of Paranormal Activity 3 are the ones who come to "mark" (read: alan) these kids to get possessed and ultimately TKO'd by demons.

3) I think to get to that point you have to have time travel, which you can see when he runs through tha place in tha 3rd movie and somehow ends up back with tha girls from tha original Paranormal Activity. I've said before that time travel in horror movies is pretty jitsu, but it may make a little sense here since it could set up tha ability for future PN movies to come out without having to pay heed to any continuity in tha franchise.

4) All that being said it was pretty stupid. I think tha whole point of all these movies was to spook the hell out of you while it was all quiet by having something random jump out of nowhere. Almost all of this movie is trying to explain loose ends, which I guess is good if someone is paying super close attention. But I think the whole point of these movies is for people with ADD to be able to go and be scared without having to figure out a story line.

C-

Eraserhead

I don't even know where to begin.

1) So I tuned into this one because it is in the Criterion Collection. Now it makes me think that this is just a bunch of hipster movies that all tha cool kids think are really important and metaphysical (lol).

2) The first ten minutes is literally just flashing to this dude laying with his mouth open and some creature swimming around back to this deformed guy looking out the window. If you have to re-read that sentence to understand it all you are not alone.

3) And what was the plot? So he goes and gets convinced that he is tha father of his ladyfriend's mom's kid? And then the kid is actually some deformed creature who he starts having nightmares about and then starts TKO'ing tha thing? It doesn't make any sense. 

4) The loud, incessant, and irrelevant music really reminded me of tha turd movie Eyes Wide Shut. There's another movie that rivaled this one in the bad movies hall of fame. 

 How this got to the criterion collection is beyond comprehension.

F

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1920)

1) So I'm tuning into one of these "Classic" movies. For you new blog fans, these are older horror movies that sort of set tha foundation for tha horror genre. Despite my general disdain for old crappy movies, most of them that I have reviewed have decent grades. Not here.

2) Initially, I'm confused that there is no dialogue.  I'm LITERALLY rewinding it trying to figure out what is going on. Then it hits me: there is no dialogue. Oh great, another movie with subtitles. I fucking love these.....not.

3) I know I've been on my soapbox before, but back in the day, couldn't people just go check out picture books from the library? Or read comic strips? Literally this has to be disheartening for everyone involved: I mean, the actors are acting but having to pause so some dumbass on a typewriter can flash on the screen what they are thinking.

4) Besides all of that, the story doesn't make that much sense. If you think every person has an evil counterpart, why would you drink tha kool-aid in tha first place? Maybe if everyone had a muscular counterpart or something, but this is just non-sensical.

At least it had some good quotes. Oh wait no it didn't. smh

D

Red Dragon

1) Probably my favorite out of tha other two main Hannibal movies. Obvi it's the prequel to Silence of the Lambs and it's pretty tight when they show how Hannibal got caught and where they lead into Clarice meeting with him.

2) The movie had top notch suspense i.e. tha part where he doesn't actually shoot himself and Edward Norton gets that phone call that the Toothfairy is coming after his family. Really some top 10 ish. And it was spooky on top of that. The scenes where the family's eyes have all been taken out and pretty cray.

3) The whole part where Phillip Seymour Hoffman had to play a victim wasn't terribly fitting and seemed out of funk with tha rest of tha movie tho.

4) I remember tha debate camp got in trouble back in tha day after someone played this movie at movie night when it obvi wasn't pg-13 material lol.

Not much to complain about,

A-

Saw II

1) Pretty cray that I haven't reviewed almost any of tha Saw sequels. I mean, the first few of them have pretty good twists, but at the end of tha day, they are all pretty hard to review because the reviews would pretty much look the same.

2) For example-  it's always super tight when he says I WANT TO PLAY A GAME and ALL YOUR LIFE. But again (as I said I think for tha 3rd time on tha blog), I also just think these are tight when me and @enronnie yell them at each other.

3) This one was pretty good since Jigsaw was actually still alive in tha movie and wasn't having to haunt everyone from tha grave. It was also one that had good connections- I don't think anyone really saw that tha Amanda chick was going to want to play a game twice to set up that detective.

4) Speaking of freaky- every time I have to get my blood drawn I remember that scene where the chick is forced to dive into the needle pit and it gives me the willies just thinking about it.

Pretty solid for a sequel,

B

Finder's Keepers

1) This one was obvi appealing since it dealt with the one horror genre that scares the bejesus out of me: dolls. In fact, after sitting on it for a few weeks, I'm convinced that tha hit movie Annabelle is one of the most terrifying movies I've ever seen.

2) Unfortunately, this movie was pretty terrible. For those who can't tell by the budge picture, this was a SyFy original lol. You can't even really find a google image of a picture of tha movie.

3) In fact, this was so bad that I'm not even sure of why the doll was possessed, who it was possessed by, or how it managed to kill people. In all the scenes where someone gets TKO'd, you find them dead but it's a totally mystery how this 11 inch doll managed to pull it off. The beginning of the movie insinuates that the doll possesses the kid, and then the kid wrecks havoc but they jump ship off that idea 10 minutes into the movie.

4) None of it makes any sense. So somehow the doll and the little girl are voodoo doll connected? But taking out the doll's eyes is okay because somehow the girl's eyes are insulated from all of this?
And the ending makes even less sense. Somehow the guy who was originally possessed by the doll escapes and is now running around smiling? Who cares.

I guess it was better than some hipster movie,

D

The Craft

1) I noticed I don't have too many movies re: witches so I've been trying to go ham on some more of them lately.

2) Really a pretty top notch movie, especially in tha witch genre. Outcast girl moves to a new school, has witch powers, and connects with other witch classmates. Obvi one of them gets carried away with it and it becomes and internal good vs. evil witch battle. Also, I've obvi always been a fan of the college/teen based thrillers, so this was right up my alley.

3) The only drawback horror-wise was that all the snakes, bugs, rats, etc. gave me the willies and seemed pretty unnecessary to tha rest of the plot.

4) It had a pretty all-star 90s cast. Although to be fair, I was only paying half attention and really thought Alicia Silverstone played the lead character lol. Also, Bonnie, Ross's girlfriend from Season 3 of tha hit tv show Friends made an appearance.

Pretty good stuff,

B+

Final Destination

Alright BW, time 2 get caught up.

1) This was one of those movies that was really good back in the day (circa 8th grade-early high school). And now, looking back, it's like that Backstreet Boys album you bought: present-you just SYDH.

2) It has a pretty good (or mediocre) plot idea. Fate holds a certain future for you, if you skip the chosen path, then it has to come back to get you. I guess it leaves me confused though. I mean, what real interest does fate have in getting these 5 run-of-the-mill high school kids? They all seem pretty ho-hum and un-noteworthy.

3) A lot of the deaths were pretty SMH. The scenes where that guy gets schwangled in the shower and the car locking that guy in aren't gonna win awards anytime soon.

4) It was tight that Stifler was in it. Except that they decapitated him smh.

C-

Annabelle

1) Bow howdy what a scary movie. From all of tha scenes where the devil just jumped out at you Mama-style, to tha scenes involving the crazy Annabelle woman running and screaming, it was super terrifying. Tha teenagers in tha theaters kept looking at me like I was a weenie lol.

2) It was odd that tha doll didn't actually ever move on screen (except for that one really scary ass part when it stood up and you saw tha demon figure behind it.) Maybe that made it extra spooky since, unlike Chucky, they didn't have a chance to make him talk and say something goofy, or make him move around all jitsu like.

3) And tha story was really well put together. It starts off with tha same initial scene involving Annabelle from The Conjuring. Then they do a flashback from a year earlier to detail how tha doll got in tha case in tha Conjuring. And at tha end they show tha old lady buying tha nurses tha doll.

4) It was odd why tha people in tha movie ever thought buying this spooky ass doll was ever a good idea. I mean, it looks creepy as fuck and it is ginormous so you know it could be pretty cray.

Top notch stuff. As you can see from all tha tags on it, it had tha whole 9 yards of a good scary movie.

A

Leprechaun: Origins

TRICK R TREAT TWEET WORLD. Tha second best day of tha year so gonna gii on tha blog.

1) This movie wasn't very good. Well neither was tha first one. Or tha second one. So I guess maybe this wasn't a huge surprise lol. I think my hope was that it would be like the new Chucky movie that was supposed to return to its much scarier original roots.

2) It did have like a few (or one) scary scenes. Like that part at the beginning when they're running through tha field and tha guy who you originally mistake for a leprechaun is just staring at them. I always used to tell @buns0n how it creeped me out when strangers were just standing around staring at you spookily (sp?).

3) Unfortunately, it quickly delved into a much worse version of Jeepers Creepers. I mean, some mysterious thing is running amok when all of a sudden you realize it's just some deformed animal thing that has really poor vision. And without all tha crazy town people it wouldn't even have a chance of TKOing anyone.  

4) Even tha half-mangled attempts at linking tha movie to a leprechaun suck. So there's gold and they are in Ireland? SMH.

The scariest part about this movie is that it is selling for 35 dollars on Amazon lol.

HAPPY OCTOBER

C

Frozen

1) Smh. Animated movies suck lol (except for Beavis and Butthead obvi). And Disney movies suck (except for tha Mighty Ducks obvi) so you can put two and two together and figure out how this ends.

2) As some of you long time blog fans will note, sometimes Uncle Buffalo gets roped into watching these jitsu movies with a new lady friend (see: Les Miserables, Airplane, Toy Story 3). Unfortunately, this movie was just like all the other movies I got roped into watching: pretty horrible.

3) First of all winter blows. Nothing good has ever come from Winter. Even this goofy movie poster mentions Thanksgiving which sucks. And the story doesn't make any sense. Her sister can magically shoot ice out of her hand, gets carried away and turns the whole town to ice, and then they have to unfreeze it? I mean really, who came up with that stupid story line? Seems like Elsa is just a junior varsity version of Carrie. And what was up with the timing of the movie? It took me like 15 minutes to realize that we had fast forwarded in time to when the sisters were grown up.

4) The one tight part was the line where she was like "guys like crazy right?" LOL

Wish you could freeze this movie and drop it down a mine shaft lol,

D

Update

Sorry tw I've been busy putting in tha work elsewhere l8ly. I should be back this weekend with some new posts <3 <3

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

Before I get started TW, I know what you're thinking: man this movie sucks Buff. Why on earth would you review it? Well, I don't really have a great answer. I was board (sp?) and thought the books were pretty good lol.

1) Some of tha reviews I read said this was one of the worst movies of the year, and after watching it I'd have to agree.

2) It had some pretty good stars for being such a turd of a movie. I've been really into the Good Wife lately. One of the hit stars off that shows plays Tucker Max. It might have been before he actually got famous/good lol. There were some pretty big guest appearances by the main dude in Swimfan. Tha other main guy was in tha Break Up and She's Out of My League so that was at least mildly entertaining.

3) The whole movie was so bad I don't even know how to pick out specific parts that were worse than tha others. There's a scene where he interrupts his best friends wedding to talk about how much he's grown up. Then he says he got the couple a surprise and makes tha whole wedding go outside only to discover that he has set up one of those dumb inflatable moonwalk things. And that's how the movie ends. What a dumb way to go. Now don't get me wrong, I heard tha Tinz got one for a party when he was an undergrad, and tha Tinz is tight. But for a wedding? I'd walk out and be like dude, you made my 89 year old grandma come all the way outside for this dumb carnival ride that you rented? smh.

4) You think if I only blogged once a month I'd pick out something good lol,

F

Devil's Due

***Editor's note: this isn't a buff blog post although it is pretty top notch. I've edited tha external links in it but it is otherwise in true @cbear fashion***

**Editor's note 2: I realize the whole post looks goofy. I don't know how that happened. I assume it had something to do with the copying and pasting but I can't figure it out lol.***

Get excited blog world, @cbear's here to guest review the made for TV (not really, but it should have been) movie Devil's Due. Tbh Buff and I had high hopes given we thought it had a 32% on Rotten Tomatoes, which really isn't that bad. Turns out Buff read it wrong and it actually only has 18%, not surprising.  

1) Like many recent cinematic successes (Paranormal Activity 1, Paranormal Activity 2, Paranormal Activity 3, Paranormal Activity 4) this movie was shot in the home video footage style. That was cool but the main dude (a husband documenting his marriage) can't hold a video camera stable to save his fucking life. So I was on the verge of vomiting the whole time and in turn missed a fair amount of the movie. tldr: the cinematography fucking blew. 

2) As a recent Friday Night Lights fan I was psyched to see Matt Saracen was the husband. And I was not so psyched to see this article hit the nail on the head about the FNL curse, none of the actors can make good movies.

3) One of the biggest problems I had with the movie was I was constantly asking questions like "Are those people from the Dominican Republic?", "Did she already have the baby?", "I thought the husband died?", "Are those suppose to be zombies?" I wasn't the only one, even DB Ph. D. couldn't figure it out. 

4) Ya know what's weird? In Paranormal Activity when furniture flies around on its own I fucking freaked out but in this movie I was just like "what is happening? I need to go vomit." They didn't really re-invent the wheel I guess.

In AJ's words "I was so bored I just picked my nose and wiped it on Alan's jeans" which honestly isn't that unusual. But trust me, this isn't one of those ah well why not watch a low rated horror movie because it has some serious DA's like nausea and brain damage. 

Man I really wish we would have chosen All Cheerleaders Die instead. 

D-

Moonrise Kingdom

Sorry for the shitty blog post tonight tw. Had to gii on one b4 tha month of April passed lol.

I saw this *gem* of a movie in 2012. I'm no literary critic, but this movie sucks.

1) First off, why is the whole fucking movie shot in this weird color? It's like a 1970s instagram picture but worse. It literally gives you a headache looking at it.

2) And don't get me started about the inappropriateness of the two main characters love relationship. I mean for crying out loud I hope this was rated R. And where is social services at during this movie? And when they get there, why don't they start putting in tha work?

3) The whole thing is so ridiculous. Two parents speaking through megaphones, a boy scout troop who embarks to go hunt this kid down, and the cop guy fathering this runaway n00b so he can have illegal relations with this runaway chick. Really, re-read that last sentence and tell me who thought this was a great idea.

4) Finally, and for the record, Wes Anderson has never had a good movie, and you can see why from this mediocre turd. Alan made me watch that stupid Rushmore movie (surprised that isn't already on tha jitsu). I don't recognize anything else he's written and it sounds like his new movie about a hotel sounds boring as nuts.

It's unfathomable this was nominated for even a Golden Globe lol

D-

The Voice Season 6

BW, I know I always apologize about tha delays. Besides putting in tha work lately, I've been in a fit of depression (re: Jayhawks).

My other fit of depression is what has triggered this blog post about THA VOICE. Now I know what you're thinking: "Buff, tha horror movies you review are bad enough... why are you now reviewing tha voice?" Well let me tell you bw,

1) For you blog fans that have never seen tha show, tha gist of it is that these people go audition to be on a team of one of tha 4 coaches and after they are on a coaches team, they are coached until someone is crowned tha best singer.

2) So I'm sitting around watching the Voice (because other Monday night TV blows) and all of a sudden they show PAULA DEANDA auditioning for tha voice. Now for you n00bs that don't know who Paula DeAnda is, shame on you. She had tha hit 2006 hit single WALK AWAY. She had another music video that was featuring Bow Wow. And not to embarrass my other friend Buff, but just so you all get an idea of how big she was. Buff's music tracker website shows that she is the 5th most played artist OF ALL TIME. Step back and think about that. Out of all Buff's music, she's tha 5th most played artist.

3) She pops on tv and I'm like amen- the whole season will just be her lighting it up. Then flash forward to tha first week of battles and she's cut. I mean, WTF? Someone with a top 20 Billboard single is cut. I mean, even I could make it through tha first round of cuts. So my Monday and Tuesday night tv schedule has been all screwed up. Combine that with tha Good Wife killing off Will (topic for a whole new post), and it's been pretty miserable tv wise lol.

Anywho, I'll get back to tha horror reviews soon :(

C-

You're Next

Me and @alan watched this and it was kind of a turd.

1) Most home invasion movies are pretty scary and this one had a pretty spooky plot. I mean, family reunions are already draining when you have to drive somewhere and stay the night. Add a bunch of stalker people with animal masks and it's pretty scary.

2) It reminded me of Sorority Row in that the killer is actually the main chick's boyfriend who tries to convince her it was a good idea all along lol. Unfortunately it was super predictable and I ruined it for Alan not too far into tha movie.

3) The main dude also plays that crazy guy who randomly shoots that girl in The House of the Devil. That really should've been a top 10 scariest movie scene.

4) And unfortunately it reminded me of Home Alone (if Home Alone was a rated R movie about people coming to kill Macaulay Culkin). I mean, there's all these booby traps set up inside and outside of the house. Like the one that had barbed wire outside the house so when they left they'd run into it. I mean, a 12 year old could have done that. And what if the guy just looked before he started running aimlessly into the abyss?

Too predictable and got boring in the middle of it,

C-

Dallas Buyers Club

1) Eh it was actually okay. Tha (not too over condensed) story line is that a homophobic guy gets HIV, gets ostracized by his friends, eventually turns to foreign medicine to get better, and then (spoiler alert) eventually dies at tha end.

2) That being said, it was long. Like 2 hours long. And we went and saw it late Friday night so I got real board (sp?) in tha middle of it. Like there's a point in tha movie when he realizes he may not hate gay people that much, hates tha FDA, and wants to keep selling drugs to all these people. At that point, I'm like, let's go ahead and speed tha rest of this along because I think we all know where it's going. But then they just spend like 30 minutes on repeat showing him talking shit on tha FDA and getting more overseas drugs.

3) Actually tha movie had one of those countdowns like in tha movie Seven.  They tell him he has thirty days to live then the scenes start out like "day 1", "day 28", etc. At tha end of the movie it's like "day 2853" (get it- to show how long he has gone despite the medical consensus that he wouldn't). The problem was at that point I felt like it was in real time and we had been sitting in tha theater that long lol.

4) Man, Matthew McConaughey had to lose a wreck of weight for tha movie and it looked like he just lost all muscle mass. I'll bet that was a total pain in the ass and will be super hard to rebuild lol.

Besides how long it was, it was pretty good.

B-