Piranha 3DD

1) My ADD often times gets the best of me. Back in the day I reviewed Piranha 3D and immediately regretted making myself sit through it. I don't know why I decided to give this one a go but dear lord was it bad.

2) The whole movie is just so ridiculous. The piranhas get lodged up inside of people, inside animals, and even can navigate these complex sewer systems. (Random FYI it took me a minute to figure out how to spell sewer lol). I understand that they intended to make it more ridiculous than the first one, which I should've realized and avoided this altogether.

3)  I'm all about the short movies. I think this one was an hour and 21 minutes. But no joke there's like 15 minutes of credits at the end where they just keep showing David Hasselhoff. If you skipped through the intro and ending credits you could probably have just have called this a short film.

4) It's hard to reiterate how bonkers this was. At the end of the movie the prianhas have learned how to run around on land. Just think about that for a minute. These piranhas have been sitting in this shut down touristy site for like a year and have suddenly learned to evolve to become killer land creatures. SMH.

Not even the R rating can make up for this,

F

The Apparition

1) Talk about a letdown. I was pumped for this movie after the sick trailer for it and all the hype on all the horror movie blogs I read. It turned out to being almost as bad as One Missed Call (which I accidentally got on blu-ray lol).

2) It seemed like it tried to latch on to all the Paranormal Activity movies too much. There's like all this creepy shit that keeps happening but none of it is actually scary. Like the soap in the shower turns black and there's a bunch of mold underneath the floor and stuff. Yawn.

3) And how about that dude not telling his new lady friend that his old lady friend was TKO'd by whatever that spirit thing was? How mad would you be if you found out about that skeleton in the closet lol?

4) Maybe the worst part (besides sitting through this) is that it's really turned me off from wanting to see any of the new horror movies that are due out in the fall. This had so much promise but was just too disappointing :(

D

See No Evil

1) This is a really solid movie. I never usually make it to the movie theater unless it's with a lady friend or Louisiana Judz (except for that time I got DB to go to Prom Night with me lol). But this movie was special enough to go see live.

2) It has several tight connections to tha Friday the 13th movies.The chick at the beginning doesn't have any eyes like that little girl in Freddy v. Jason. Also the whole theme where the mother summons her son to commit all those murders is pretty similar.

3) The theme music kind of drags on. I get that his mom made him listen to it nonstop during his childhood but you figure at some point he would call shenanigans and decide to turn on some different music at some point. Just imagine if he was tunin' into some TSwift at some point \o/

4) Despite it being a pretty solid horror movie it was also kind of funny. During the part at the end of the movie, the big guy falls down with this bar jammed into his head and keeps hitting it on the building. The entire theater was cracking up about how goofy it was lol.

A-

Save the Last Dance

1) I realized I never reviewed this movie before and that is a fucking shame. This movie rules.

2) Part of the reason I have such a thing for it is obvi Julia Stiles. I'd put a link up to all of my reviews on here where I rep her but there's already been too many. Just do a search on the side bar and you'll see <3. Sean Patrick Thomas is also super tight too. He's obvi blowing it up in this movie but also in Halloween Resurrection.


3) The weird part is that I generally have zero interest in artsy kind of movies (see The Artist) or (if I ever had the desire to review them) Adaptation or Midnight in Paris.This one isn't so much artsy but it does involve ballet lol.

4) It's also weird how old all the "high schoolers" are in it.  I know a lot of movies revolving around high schools have students that are actually way too old to actually be in high school, but I'm pretty sure Sean Patrick Thomas was like 30 in this.

4) The best scene is where they first dance to that tight song in the club in the beginning. If only I could make moves like that lol.

Good stuff,

A

Taylor Swift: We are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Wgbw, some of my most popular posts have revolved around my celebrity crush Taylor Swift. In the spirit of that, I thought I'd review her new song.

1) I think it's clear that she's probably abandoned her country music background. I know this had been writing on the wall for awhile, but it's still kind of a bummer. Love story still had a country background, and even Mine (sort of) did. This is a total pop song.

2) Don't get me wrong, I'm still tuning in. Obvi my love for her music developed when she was a country singer and I still have a huge thing for country music. I just hope that maybe part of her new album will still pay heed to her roots.

3) I know the lyrics to this song aren't super nuanced either and they are obviously targeted at a younger audience (who will like the shit out of them). But I haven't ran into too many people who have heard the song 4-5 times who don't get hooked by the catchy beat of it.

Not what I was hoping for out of her first song off the new album, but still super solid,

A

Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

1) This is a pretty solid movie. I used to watch it on the reg until that time that the Shock brought all those crazy people to the cone and it got stolen :(

2) A lot of the movie obvi doesn't make any sense. If the babysitter died they should've just called the police. And why on earth didn't the clothing place do a background check on her? Fake resumes usually don't work for a reason.

3) That Bryan guy kind of reminded me of Daniel in The Karate Kid. He gets all riled up towards his lady friend for no reason and then ends up doing something embarrassing right at the wrong moment.

4) At the end of the day I don't really know why I like this movie. Obvi there's a little RomCom in it, but besides that I don't have a good explanation for it. 

4) Although it did have quite a few stars in it. Obvi Christina Applegate was big for being in Friends. Danielle Harris was in a bunch of the Halloween movies too.

B+

Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning

1) This is probably the worst Friday the 13th movie because Jason isn't even the killer smh. It's actually kind of unclear that he's even in the movie or if it's just people's imaginations. But how can you make a Friday the 13th movie and not have Jason be the guy making moves? It's like the time the Halloween movies decided that leaving Michael Myers out would be profitable smh.

2) This one was also way too drug out. I didn't really enjoy the setting at the midway house since it wasn't really at some camp/lakeside like the rest of tha movies.

 3) That one girl who gets TKO'd in the woods was pretty fly \o/

4) After revisiting some of my reviews of all of the other Friday the 13th movies I don't think the C- ratings were necessarily deserved. I mean, the movies aren't that good, but they are still Friday the 13th movies which makes them at least B level.

No camp Crystal Lake, no Jason, no Bueno.

B-

Re-Animator

1) Pretty solid overall. I was kind of skeptical after Mick recommended that I review it, but it actually turned out pretty good.

2) Not too many movies have embarked upon the reanimation theme and this one was tight. In an odd way it kind of reminded me of Pet Semetary because of that cat that comes back to life all crazy.

3) The original crazy guy does seem to just make poor choices during the movie. Why would you inject someone bigger and stronger than you with some goop that makes them come back to life to wallop on you? And when all these resurrections are going poorly his solution is to just inject faster lol.

4) Speaking of poor choices, why did the original med student let him come live with him? He's creepy, weirds out your lady friend, and only wants to pay in cash. Although I will say I'm not really one to talk. The other day I called direct TV to ask them about the length of their contract and 30 minutes later I had signed up for a 2 year premium package lol.

5) I forgot that that awful movie American Beauty mentions this when the two guys are smoking.

B+

Thir13en Ghosts (2001)

1) One of the big problems is there's not really a focus on the 13 ghosts. On the DVD there's this extra feature that explains a background story for all 13 of the ghosts that goes into a way over detailed biographical explanation for all of them. It'd be cooler if they explored that in the movie instead of having to do it after the fact.

2) Some of it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I'm still unsure why those big pieces of glass can deflect all the ghosts away. I mean, that one guy got killed with one of them so why can't the ghosts use them? And why would the ghosts leave these super power glasses around that allow them to be detected?

3) Crazy that Shannon Elizabeth and that Monk guy were in it. Pretty funny that Brock from She's All That is in it too lol. He's always kind of a n00b in horror movies and this one's not too different.

4) At least the movie poster was pretty solid. It spells 13 all goofy, and says Misery loves company. I can't find a link to it, but back in March when Missouri and Duke lost ESPN ran that headline lol.

Meh,

C-

Friends with Kids

1) Pretty slow but pretty solid. It weirdly reminds me of When Harry Met Sally. I mean, there's two platonic friends who tiptoe in relationships while nitpicking at their friends that do the same time. She falls for him and he rejects her, the opposite happens, then there's some big speech at the end that reunites them. Pretty good.

2) Obvi I have a thing for the RomComs that end with some line that connects back to some other part of the movie. Like in A Lot Like Love or in Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. I totally didn't see him coming back and audibleing his pick to 'dying a slow and painful death so I can still be with you.' I mean, he doesn't say a romantic thing the whole movie and then decides to go to town on that one.

3) I think my only real problem with it is that it's kind of slow/depressing. It's not like the movie is 3 hours long or anything, but most of the movie is just showing everyone else fighting and not enjoying their lives. Not really an LOL RomCom.

4) It's kind of funny that Jon Hamm is so angry the whole time. I wonder if the directors made Missouri jokes and he'd just instantly get riled up.

If you're in the right mood it's pretty good,

B

Paranormal Activity 2

1) Wgbw, after reviewing the First and Third I finally made it to the second. This is probably somewhere in the middle of the two movies. It's obvi scarier than the first one, but no where near the 3rd one.

2) After watching these out of order, they still kinda confuse me. It's like the second one is a prequel to the first in the sense that it's just a little bit earlier while the 3rd one is the actual prequel. Kind of confusing to go all out of order. I'm really hoping the 4th one just goes down after the events in this one and not in between a bunch of them lol.

3) Anybody catch the Michael Myers look-a-like hanging out in the background of that kitchen scene? He's pretty visible for a lot of the dark camera scenes and goes away sporadically too \o/

4) That reminds me, if I was putting together one of these movies, I'd never waste money to see if there were any IMDB 'goofs'. I mean, pretend a cup was in one scene and not in the next. It's not really a goof, just a weird paranormal activity that the movie doesn't really explain. Seems like it's hard for the production crew to go wrong in these movies LOL.

Eh,

B-

LOL

1) This movie really appealed to me at first. Some teen drama movie that had an acronym in the title. How can it go wrong? LOL was I wrong.

2) I had to shut this off early it was so bad. The whole movie is just about her drama with her friend, boyfriend, mom, and France.

3) The amateur music by all these people made the movie worse. Every time there's a transition to a new scene some mediocre music by these amateur bands makes you wish it went by faster LOL.

4) The only slightly redeeming part of this was Phoebe's Season 1 boyfriend Roger was in it and so was Rachel's mom. LOL.

/o\

Alan recommended, and I approve, the first ever grade below an F for halloweenjitsu,

G