Frozen

1) I'm not totally sure why I watched this. The plot is just these 3 n00bs getting stuck on a ski lift and they can't get down. I wondered how they would make this go on for 90 minutes and it turns out that they couldn't.

2) I mean, the most dramatic part of the movie is that there are a bunch of wolves running around below that'll kill them if they jump off. What kind of ski lodge is this? Granted, I'm not much of a winter sports fanatic, but I can't imagine some place being able to stay in business if there's a wreck of blood thirsty wolves just running around.

3) Way too predictable and boring. The chick gets frozen to the seat, a kid breaks his leg jumping down, and they get cold. Not much going on.

D+

Hostel Part II

Really tight movie.

1) I had a really hard time paying attention to the first one after that dude's Achilles's heel got all screwed up, so I dunno how closely this one really follows the last one.

2) I thought the set up was real good. The one dude really does look timid and then just makes it rain at the end. Never would have seen that one hardass guy trying to make moves out of their either.

3) Reinforced my 'never wanting to leave the country' attitude. You go sightseeing and then shit like this happens.

4) The kids kicking the chicks head around at the end of the movie was kind of stupid. These Hostel movies seem to pride themselves on all this screwed up stuff going on, but then silly jitsu like that happens.

Definitely a keeper,

A-

Saw 3D

1) You'll have to bear with me on this one. I've only seen Saw VI [Blu-ray] once before and my memory is real hazy lol.

2) Having said that it seems like most of the Saw movies could all be out of order for the most part and it wouldn't really matter. They problem with the 18th sequel in a horror movie is that you have to somehow figure out a way to keep the original story going without n00bing it up. In the Nightmare on Elm Street Collection and the Halloween movies the killers are both these quasi-supernatural dudes that can keep coming back from the dead so the writers can keep the story going. In the Saw movies Jigsaw doesn't have any of the immortal craziness going on. He's just a dude. Trying to keep a long tangent short, I don't know how the Saw people thought they could keep this movie going with Jigsaw getting killed off several movies ago.

3) The wreck of people all making moves with Jigsaw at this point is kind of over the top. His wife was sort of in on it, there was the chick from the first movie that was his apprentice, the crooked cop, and now the doctor from the first movie? That is a wreck of people with some serious stockholm syndrome. I mean is it really believable that the doctor saws his foot off and then thinks its a good idea to make moves with this dude?

4) And how did Jigsaw record all of those tapes if he died so long ago? Then again maybe he wasn't a normal Joe, maybe he was Nostradamus or something b/c he had to have known would be killed off years from then, and he knew he had to spend days and days just recording the I WANT TO PLAY A GAME message in anticipation of his impending death.

5) With all that being said the movie was still pretty good. I don't have 3D glasses so I don't know what it should look like, but most of the death traps were pretty original and I'll never get bored of hearing all those Jigsaw catchphrases.

B-

Going the Distance

I was a little skeptical but it turned out okay.

1) There's a scene where the girl tells her boyfriend that she doesn't want a present so he doesn't get her one and she gets mad. He then offers to go get her one and she says that she doesn't want one. The scenes where chicks do this (see The Breakup) never quit humoring me.

2) It's raunchy as shit. To keep with the spirit of keeping this blog PG-13 I won't run down some of the filthy stuff that got said, but definitely high quality original filth.

3) There's the recycled scene where the guy chases the girl down at the airport; at least it wasn't at the end of the movie.

4) There were some parts that we're too girly for me, but for the most part it didn't get too outta control. Nothing that really made me cringe. Some of the movie was kind of stupid but I can't really pinpoint a specific scene.

5) My bluray player counted 12 previews that you couldn't skip. TWELVE.

B-

***Slight addendum- TSwift's If This Was a Movie woulda been perfect for this movie.

Drag Me to Hell

1) Good shit. Overall I thought this was tight. The lead actress was tight and Justin Long is usually playing a n00b but even he was good in this one.

2) There was plenty of jitsu. Like when the lady shoves the ruler down her throat. Or putting her arm up her throat. Or where her eyeballs fly out and cover the chicks face.

3) There was additional jitsu. The whole goat exorcism was pretty stupid. As was the guy getting up on the table and dancing after the goat bit him. If you get rid of this small amount of jitsu it'd be unbeatable.

4) The ending was sick. Never would have thought that she grabbed the coin. Not real into gypsy shit, but this was good

A

He's Just Not That Into You

1) I think they tried to run with the Love Actually angle and came up short. Don't get it twisted, it's still good, but I seemed to have a harder time keeping all the characters and their connections with each other.

2) Some of the stories were kinda jitsu. I don't really even know what Drew Barrymore's character was doing in the movie. She had these random appearances and then got with the little guy from Entourage, I dunno, it didn't make much sense to me.

3) Despite my hatred for sad endings I've always wondered why some of the dudes in these movies didn't make moves for the psycho chicks hitting on them. Swimfan and Last Kiss come to mind. In this one the chick's not even a murderer/crazy/needy or anything. She's just good looking and his wife and him don't like each other. Who knows why he didn't just put his foot down.

4) There were some sick moments in it. At the end where the Affleck guy proposes to Jennifer Aniston it's super tight and tied well with the rest of the story. Even the Jason Long guy getting together with that one chick was good.

5) Also, Kris Kristofferson made an appearance. I know he's famous for all kinds of stuff but his best shit ever had to be in the music video Shutting Detroit Down. Sick lyrics of this include

DC's paying out the banker
As the farmers auction ground
And while their living up on Wall Street
In that New York City town
Here in the real world they're
Shutting Detroit down

Solid but just missed the spot for some reason

B+

Disturbia

1) The RomCom/Horror combo is really underrated and needs to be brought back in style. There's some movies where there's some romance going down during all the slashing (see Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI, which was this blogs first post!), but there's never quite anything like this. The amount of thriller is roughly on par with the amount of romancing going on. Good way to get the best of both worlds.

2) The last sequence is a little bit stretched. The dude's house was like an upscale haunted house with less shit popping out at you. Theres a bunch of walls with all these rotting corpses kind of sticking out of them. You would think the termite guy would have to come check the place out at some point and uncover all this jitsu.

3) That girl is a babe.

4) There's a dude named Ronnie who's tight. It's kinda weird though b/c at the end of the movie the 2 other characters make out and Ronnie just sits there providing commentary and video-taping it.

5) It wasn't really scary but the RomCom angle makes up for the total lack of screaming moments.

A

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

1) First part was scary/creepy as hell. The hitchhiker cutting himself and taking pictures of it was pretty disturbing.

2) Leatherface kind of reminded me of Frankenstein. He was this big goofy n00b who kept knocking stuff over and couldn't really put the smack down very easily.

3) There's some jitsu parts. The part where the dude is just hitting the chick with the furry part of the broom and it's somehow just TKO'ing her is jitsu. And the part at the end where they're running and the dude knocks over Leatherface with an apple. What was that about?

4) The movie got kind of annoying for how long some of the stupid parts lasted. During the last 30 minutes of the movie the girl was just constantly screaming. It almost made me hit mute. And when she gets chased into the house she must run for like 3 miles. For how out of shape Leatherface looked he sure could run.

5) One highlight is that it takes place in rural Texas. Rural Texas has got to be one of the best places on earth.

Had its moments but it was pretty jitsu,

C-

When Harry Met Sally

1) One of the best RomComs of all time. It's not even just me this time, I think it's pretty universal that this is a sick movie.

2) It's got one of the sickest girly quotes of all time when Harry says

"And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. "

You can see it at the 1:00 mark here.

3) It's a little too depressing at some points. Like the 15 minutes before the sick ending it's depressing watching him sit around and getting blown off by her. Maybe it's due to my hatred for the bad endings (see the Break Up), but I'm glad it didn't TKO the movie.

4) The intermission scenes with the couples talking about their relationships was ho-hum. I don't really know what sparked that but I could live without it.

Despite the small setbacks, it was a sick movie.

A-

Fright Night

1) Overall was super solid. I got ADD the first time I saw it but god damn was it good the second time.

2) It's hard to take the little chick seriously since she turns into the jitsu wife in Married...with Children: The Complete Tenth Season but I'm sure she got her acting boost from this gem of a movie.

3) There was some jitsu. What's up with the 30 year old making moves at the high school prom? Where was the school security there? And the vampire slayer guy was really jitsu. That one dude yelled boo at him and he took cover. I wouldn't recommend calling him for any future vampire slayings.

4) The special effects were ho hum. Theres a scene when the police leave the vampire house without finding anything wrong and then there are waves of fog just fucking pouring out of every opening of the house. Either bad special effects or those police are due for some serious jitsu for not figuring out that something fucked up was going on in the creepy fog machine house on the corner.

Best vampire movie by far

A-

The Unborn

1) The little kid is creepy as hell. He reminds me a lot of the little kid from The Ring. I don't always get why the babysitters mess around when these little kids start all this trouble. She shoulda put the kid in time out or something when he was dicking around with the mirror.

2) The mask she finds at the beginning of the movie looks just like the one Michael Myers wore. #yeahbuddy

3) The dude's rotating head was pretty spooky until he started crawling around the house on all fours. Sometimes this movie had something really scary going on and then had to do something that made it totally jitsu.

4) A good example of this is when they screw up the storyline. The plot was unique enough with the twin that had died, but then they had to do one of the worst exorcisms in the history of B-grade scary movies. Even the part with the donkey in Drag Me to Hell was spookier than that.

5) The ending had a good twist but I probably wouldn't see the sequel.

Solid B

Adams Family Values

1) Better than the first one for sure.

2) How tight would it be to live in that house? The little hand used to creep me out when I was little but besides that it'd be sick. Makes me want to redecorate the cone with a bunch of Halloween shit. #yeahbuddy

3) Debbie was kind of jitsu. And what was up with the stupid slideshow at the end?

4) The scene with the pilgram play was super tight. Christina Ricci was so good as Wednesday and the part where she tells off the settlors is so good.

5) The little blond girl's dad was Chandler's boss Doug on Friends: The Complete Fourth Season.

B+

Top 10 Horror Movies I'm Looking Forward To

10) The Rite

I’m not wild about Anthony Hopkins being in an exorcist movie but this looks okay. Movies about exorcisms scare the bejesus out of me so this should be okay. Might be the one movie it takes me a while to look into.

9) Insidious

Eh this will be ho hum. Spooky boy attracts all these spooky ghosts. Movies with scary little kids give me the creeps though so maybe it’ll be good.

8) The Ward

Creepy movie about a mental patient who starts seeing crazy shit go down in the psych ward. The clips for this seems SCARY.

7) 11/11/11

Should be good. I think the 11/11 spirit thing is pretty spooky. It comes out on 11/11/11 (lol obvi) but I imagine it’d be hard to get tickets to it. We tried going to the Omen when it came out on 6/6/06 but they sold out like the day before.

6) Scream 4

Rumor is that they start getting a new cast of people to build the next leg of the franchise so I’d imagine that the returning ones get killed off. I’m kind of skeptical of it just because scream 3 was so bad but they had enough time to work on this one that it ought to be okay. Don’t count on Scream 5 being any good.

5) The Strangers 2

Not sure if it’ll make the 12/31/11 deadline but this is spooky. The trailer for the original Strangers was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. I’ll be the second one is crazy as hell too.

4) The Roommate

Should be super sick. Looks like a newer better version of single white female. The trailer for it just came out and looks super tight. Chalk up another tight teen thriller movie for the buffalo movie collection.

3) Fright Night

The is a remake of the old Fright Night. That movie was pretty good, I’ll rewatch it and review it soon. The movies about a kid that thinks that a vampire lives next door but nobody believes him. I’m not gung ho about vampires movie but this 80s one was good and I’m cautiously optimistic about this one.

2) Child’s Play

Good to see they are taking it back to its scary roots. It’s good to remember that the original one came out in the late 20 years ago. Whatever the hell they make the new doll look like might make me scared of Chucky all over again.

1) Halloween 3D

How sick is this gonna be? They finally got Rob Zombie off the movies and are bringing back John Carpenter. Supposedly this takes place after the Halloween 2 Rob Zombie remake but it shouldn’t be hard to do that since no one really knows what happened in it. She’s in a mental hospital? She’s dead? MM was just a dream? Who knows but this’ll be sick.

Lawnmower Man

1) I think @kearney5 said it best, the first hour of the movie was sick. It's like a slow guy who gets experiments done on him and then starts making it rain. Unique get go and it was tight.

2) I can even deal with the atari level graphics- I get that its 1992 and thats okay, but the jitsu kills could go away. The mower taking a mind of its own? And what about the 3D version of himself? Pretty jitsu.

3) That one girl was a babe. Top notch.

4) The suit he was wearing was kind of jitsu. It was like one of those bad Christmas sweaters but it lit up whenever he was thinking lol.

5) I'd watch it again just b/c it's so sick but I wish they could change the ending. Having James Bond go duke it out with him in never-ever land was kinda silly.

B

Sorority Row

What a tight movie.

1) I've always had a thing for the teen thriller movies. This one was sick.

2) It's really weird, the first time or two that I saw it I thought it was mediocre, now I can't get enough of it. Who knows.

3) All these parties they have are sick. I've only ventured to a few sorority parties, but dear god I need to keep my eyes out for some now.

4) The killers kind of jitsu. When did that guy get so good at throwing this jagged crowbar around? What if he missed? And take the stupid gown off.

5) The housemother is Sally's friend in When Harry Met Sally, which is gonna get a blog post soon :)

How this only got a 22% on rotten tomatoes is beyond me,

A+

3 Ninjas

Had a flashback to little Buff's childhood so me and @markster956 watched this.

1) Had some sick parts. There was a guy named Colt and they said colonel at least twice. And the guy practices nunjitsu. #yeahbuddy

2) The whole movie was pretty sick. I don't really like little kid movies but have a thing for the ones that I repped during my early days.

3) Even the corny pizza guys were kinda sick.

4) Don't get it twisted, there was some unrealistic jitsu going on. How stupid were the ninjas who were getting beat up by a 6 year old? Or the 11 year old that could dunk?

Not near as good as the The Karate Kid, but generally good shit.

B+

Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

1) The killer in the psychiatric ward isn't done that often, props for originality.

2) Some of the shit gives me the willies. The kid being pulled around by his blood vessel things was creepy as nuts. So was the part with the holes in the chicks arms.

3) The movie was like 90% good except for a few small parts. I don't know how they managed to all dream together. The dream sharing jitsu gets stupid when they all just start farting around with all the different things they can do. The kid with the stupid green powers? Jitsu. Even then it's stupid; the girl who dreams she's a bad ass gets pwned by Freddy even though it's her dream lol.

4) I also don't understand why they had to have Freddy's Mom Ghost/Nun lady running around. Seems like these horror movies are best told with only 1 storyline going on, not all this extra supernatural jitsu.

5) How tight was it to be that mute kid? He used to debate and then got to make out with the half clothed hot nurse lady. #yeahbuddy

B

Bride of Chucky

WGBW

1) It was okay. I like most of the sequel based horror movies but I'm not wild about the comical turn Chucky takes. At least it was good because it made me less scared of him lol.

2) The comedy is good at times. When Chuckys dicking around with all of the toys its sick but the jokes about the movie being a bad sequel kinda rain on the movie's parade.

3) Katherine Heigl has a big role in this movie lol. 8-]

4) Some of the kills were pretty jitsu. Firing the nails into that guy from Problem Child? #jitsu

5) I like most of the jitsu sequels to most other horror movies, even if they are pretty stupid, but this gets a little out of hand. :( for ruining the first few by making these funny.

D+

The Orphan

1) Little scary girls in movies always give me the creeps. And she is spooky as hell. The only thing comparable was in Wes Craven's New Nightmare where the little kid from Full House keeps dicking around with the TV. That was some scary scary shit.

2) The twist is a little too unbelievable. She could pull off being a 20 year old or something but the like 3 other people she's left behind make this too jitsu.

3) The ending could have been shorter. I dunno what was up the Macgyver like stunts she kept pulling at the end to avoid dying.

4) The little siblings get kind of jitsu. Don't get it twisted, I get scared of creepy kids easily and all, but why don't the other 2 kids gang up on her and turn her in? They had a wreck of chances and really the girl would have a hard time with the 2 of them.

Good stuff, but I couldn't watch it too many times.

B-

The Fighter

1) Really pretty good. I'm not wild about new movies, or change in general, but this was sick.

2) From what I can tell it matches the actual story pretty well. Obviously theres some Rocky level shenanigans going into it, but it seems to stick to the facts.

3) Seems like it tried to make moves after 8 Mile which I've got love for. He's the underdog who's got to get to the title, has this jitsu family holding him down, and has to make it rain with his lady friend along the way.

4) I'm glad he didn't lose the fight at the end. Too many interactions with all the Rocky movies got me thinking that he'd just have a draw but the world would respect him again or something. Good to see some good old American dominance in this one.

5) The acting/characters were all really good. His mom/brother were money. And the part where he walked out to HERE I GO AGAIN was sick.

6) Good to Mark Wahlberg tried to copy off my buff look lol

Top notch

A+

Child's Play 3

1) Solid stuff. It fits the rest of the Chucky - The Killer DVD Collection movies well and is similar to the rest of them.

2) That being said I do think this is where the movies start to go south. Chucky has a wreck of jokes here and I think it's where he loses his scariness. There's just no real spooky parts in this movie. In Child's Play there's that scary scene where the Mom starts to realize that the doll might be real and sees that theres no batteries in Chucky. Even in Child's Play 2 theres the creepy scene where the sister has to make moves through the house. The amusement park wasn't creepy and neither was them looking for Colonel whoever in the academy.

3) Frank's hot wife from Old School (Widescreen Unrated Edition) plays Andy's love interest which is kinda tight.

4) They must say COLONEL like 72 times, it was sick.

Good, but not as good as the rest,

B-

New Grading Guidelines

Given the discrepancies in the way my rankings have looked lately I thought it'd be best for my fans (and myself) if I made a more objective judging criteria. I can't promise that I'll always rely on this, but it should be a good guide.

I thought about making these solely in favor of emoticons (since 2011 is the year of the emoticon), but would get too complicated/detailed in describing all of the emoticons and their hierarchies. >:-)

A++ Top of the food chain shit. One of my all time favorite movies that will never go out of style.

A+/A/A- Sick stuff. These will be reserved for those movies that I've worn out because I watch so much. If I don't own it I should.

B+/B/B- Really solid but something missing. I own a lot of these movies but probably don't watch them very often. If I don't own it you fans should buy it for me for Valentine's Day. ;-)

C+/C/C- Pretty solid with its share of jitsu. Something I'd watch again but not worth purchasing. A lot of seasonal movies fit this mold.

D+/D/D- You'd have to twist my arm to watch these again. These were horrible but there was something at least a little redeeming about them.

F Bottom of the bottom. It'd be hard to pay me to sit through even a part of these movies.

Child's Play 2

1) It used to be one of the scariest movies of all time. I saw this when I was in the 6th grade and it literally scarred me for the better part of a decade.

2) The scary part about the whole thing is the same reason why people make fun of it. No one thinks a doll could come alive and kill everyone but it does! Spooky shit.

3) All of the Child's Play movies were so much scarier back before they made Chucky try to be funny. Don't get it twisted he's funny in this one, but they obviously took it to another level during Bride of Chucky. In the 2011 remake they are supposed to bring back the scary Chucky without all the jokes. Fingers crossed that it's good.

4) The ending got jitsu. It seemed like he just kept coming back and coming back.

Good for historical reasons more so than anything

A-

House of Fears

1) Definitely a B grade horror movie, but a good one. The plot has been done a few times before (see the Funhouse), but it had a good spin to it.

2) It doesn't make a whole lot of sense that the monster dude can get in your head to figure out what you're scared of, but it's been awhile since someone went down that road.

3) Most of the monsters were pretty creepy. The scarecrow was sick and made up for the ho-humness of the rest of the scary people.

4) Figured there would be some nudity, or some stupid humor or something. Minus this it would've been a sick Bgrade movie.

Don't get me wrong, you shouldn't go out of your way to rent it, but it's sick to pass a Jitsu Sunday afternoon.

C+

Easy A

wgbw, sorry for the delay. my NYR is to blog more ;)

1) Overall it was pretty solid. I'm a big fan of the teen genre movies and this one had an original story line.

2) There was jitsu to be had. The whole Phoebe being the counselor that is banging a student was jitsu. I don't know how they thought you could make that look believable.

3) It's pretty creepy that the principal is Dr. Loomis from the new Halloween - Unrated Director's Cut (Widescreen Two-Disc Special Edition) movies. It was hard to listen to him give advice about abstinence after seeing him making it rain with Michael Myers.

4) Her friend was stupidly good looking <3

A-