Pet Sematary

1) There's some real tight stuff in it: There's a guy named Jud in it. They must say it 84 times. They also kill the cat CYBHB style.

2) The kid killer is super spooky. He was in Wes Craven's New Nightmare as the kid who keeps singing the freddy song.

3) Real squeamish part is where they slit jud's achilles heel. Gives me the willies just thinking about it.

3) The n00bs spelled cemetery wrong.

Seemed like a tight mix of the Omen and Children of the Corn- not as good but had some key parts of both

B+

My Supporting Cast

Just thought I'd send a shout out to those who have watched all the movies with me for their time and company.

First Cynthia- she's only been with us for about a month but she's been good to us so far












Also shout out to Frederick, who hasn't seen very many movies, but he did watch us play halo one night

And also, Charles, who loves lighting up the living room






And finally, some of our old friends were in here in spirit. we miss you dwayne

The Blair Witch Project

1) I dunno how anyone thought this was real. I mean- they're out in the woods for like a week and their video camera from the mid 90s doesn't die?

2) Also why does that girl keep holding onto the stupid camera during all of the jitsu thats going down? If I was the dude who was lost and my 2 n00b friends finally found me after 4 days with their video cameras on I'd put a whooping on them. It's like put down the camera and make some real moves.

3) The narrator is kind of annoying. She's talks way too much and says a wreck of n00b stuff. The part where she says "of course there's no natural resources left, we're in america" is one of the most jitsu lines of all time.

4) The director's name really is Eduardo Sanchez. #ebd

I get that it's original, but don't put yourself through it twice.

C-

Halloween 2 (1981)

1) A fairly solid movie but obvi not as good as the first. It's tight that the movie just picked up from the same night so they didn't have to make up some reason that he went away for another few years.

2) I think what made the first movie so much better than the sequels is that it's believable to all of the jitsu n00bs in the world who don't like scary movies. In the second one you start to see some of the crazier stuff that makes it unrealistic. He gets shot in the eye and is okay, they think he's not human, etc.

3) Some of the unrealistic stuff starts with some of the deaths. When the chick dies from being burnt to death in the hot tub it was kind of jitsu. I'm no biology major, but it seems stupid that the hospital would install a hot tub that could incinerate people. (On a random side note @pourem's hot tub can't go above 87 degrees so I guess he'll never have that problem lol.)

4) Something I should've picked up on earlier but just recently realized is that the nurse who drives Loomis in the first scene of the first movie (who also accompanies him in this movie) is the first chick who dies in Halloween H20 - Twenty Years Later (Dimension Collector's Series). Kind of a n00bjitsu move on my part to have seen these movies so many times and not put that sick connection together.

Still a money movie,

A-

Stepfather (2009)

1) I've never actually seen the original one and I'm okay with that. I always think those old movies are kind of jitsu and this one was tight.

2) The dad's really creepy. He plays a rapist on SVU who trys to be all suave about being innocent and it's almost the same role for this movie.

3) Reminded me a lot of Disturbia and Swimfan, 2 other fan favorites. Like Disturbia, there's the budding romance going down that's getting all fucked up because of the creepy killer. In Swimfan the dude gets out of rehab and nobody believes him, kinda like here.

The Swimfan similarities alone bump this business up

B+

Beavis and Butthead Halloween

The episode is called Bungholio: Lord of the Harvest.

1) It's really tight when tv shows do halloween specials. Especially sick shows like Beavis and Butthead. One of Friends only drawback is the lack of heed they pay to halloween.

2) Butthead's nacho costume and Beavis's nad costume are both tight.

3) There's not much to add- it's a sick show with a sick holiday. I remember it being longer than 14 minutes but then again I've only watched it with Amac on long Thursday afternoons so it makes sense that I wouldn't remember it too well lol.

A

Halloween Resurrection

1) They do a surprisingly good job of connecting this to H20. It obviously still has a few holes, but the dude getting his larynx crushed was a good twist.

2) When busta rhymes comes back at the end of the movie its so sick. He does that karate shit and has all those tights phrases: "trick or treat motherfucker" "crispy fried mother fucker". Some good shit.

3) Jamie Lee Curtis dies which was kind of jitsu.

4) How dumb was JLC at the beginning of the movie? Some dude has broken down your door and chased you to the roof with a bloody butcher knife. Why would you check to see if it was definitely Michael? Just cut his rope down. Speaking of which, why did she think that cutting Michael's rope down would kill him? He's survived fire, bullet shots, stabbings, getting hit by cars, etc. I doubt a 2 story fall is really gonna be the end of him.

5) The only big drawback is all the scenes where the party is watching the movie on the computer. The crowd just says the most jitsu stuff of all time. Also why is that kid fucking around on such an expensive computer/tv in someone else's house?

6) The plot's a little jitz but makes sense I guess. I mean they did break into his house and fuck with everything- I'm sure he'd be pissed.

Kind of a random aside but the dvd had like 37 previews before the actual movie. I was going to town on a lunchable and lost track of how many there were but it was a wreck of them.

A

The Ring

1) It's pretty spooky the first time you see it. All the messed up faces jump out during the movie which is pretty scary.

2) It's actually still pretty scary when you rewatch it. Samara's obviously creepy and when the little boy even just speaks its pretty spooky. Also all the crazy shit that happens is pretty creepy by itself. When the dude electrocutes himself its wild.

3) It gets a little boring when the chick is doing all the investigative work but besides that it's pretty well rounded. The end of the movie's good b/c you think its over but its not.

Nothing really wrong with it, but I don't like it for some reason.

C

The Funhouse

1) The beginning was super tight. Bunch of scary shit creeping around and the setup for the rest of the movie happened right at the get-go.

2) There was a wreck of references to other movies. The part where the kid is walking around with the mask on is straight up jacked from Halloween. The psycho shower scene also goes down.

3) All of the stuff at the amusement park was tight until that girl gets lost in the funhouse. For like 20 minutes she just walks around lost and nothing scary happens. It's like CYBHB and get the fuck out of there.

4) The creature/attacker guy was pretty stupid. You think they could've gotten a scarier looking face but who knows, I guess it was 1981.

Minus the ending it was good.

B-

Teeth

Probably wouldn't have ever watched it but @jkasten42 wanted to make it rain.

1) Although it's one of those horror movies that everyone knows is stupid, it was miles ahead of the other jitsu movies. The plot was pretty interesting and it was hard to guess what would happen at the end.

2) I could do without all the male genitalia shots. I mean, the audience gets what's going down, there's no need to make it so graphic, especially when they show a wreck of them.

3) The scene with the dog at the end was too predictable. This movie and hostel 2 could go without throwing the dude's wacker to the dog.

Teeth was okay but nothing to write home about

C

The Fly (1986)

Better than I thought it would be but still pretty jitz.

1) The first part was pretty interesting but it was pretty stupid that he turned into a fly. I thought when he went through there with the fly that other crazy shit would happen. Or the fly would fuck up shit with the world. Not the dude turning into a fly. It would've been tighter if the fly turned into a human.

2) Why is it so hard to shoot the bad guy at the end of the movie? Jamie Lee Curtis looked so sad in Halloween H20 when she had to whack Michael's head off, and here that chick was sad about shooting a dude who swooped her out of the doctor's office and made it rain on that guy's leg. Jitz.

3) There was some tight stuff. There was a couchbed, the chick's name was Ronnie, and we came up with the CYBHB. #yeahbuddy

Better than expected but still mediocrely stupid.

C-

Poltergeist

Probably the most up and down movies I've put on here so far.

1) It had some parts that were the scariest shit I've seen in awhile. The part at the end where the clown is making moves is fucked up. It's been awhile since I've screamed but that'll do it. Also that chair thing was freaky as shit.

2) It also was pretty jitz. What is that goofy light that keeps moving around? And the tree that like ate the kid was pretty jitsu. I dunno who would get scared of a tree coming through the window for a snack. All the lights/red goup/tennis ball stuff was kind of stupid too.

3) I can't get over the clown part. Why did the kid just go to bread with the clown looking at him from the rocking chair? Wouldn't you throw that fucking thing in the other room or something? And why would you just try to hide under the covers? Did he not think that the thing wasn't going to make it rain on him?

Don't get it twisted, it's a classic and it was definitely scary at parts, but too much jitsu to get too excited about.

C+

Sleepaway Camp

This is one of the worst movies of all time.

1) The little boygirl killer is really jitsu. If it's just the little girldude killing people the whole time how would they be able to make it rain so quickly. She drowns a dude one handed and manages to shove a 300 pound guy in a boiling plate. And at the end it looks so stupid, they're just standing there like a naked wolverine with all these unexplained blood streaks on them.

2) The kills are even more jitsu. Waving a bee hive at a guy going number two? How did the guy's skin disappear in a matter of minutes? The boiling water caused that one guys skin to explode? One girl got killed with a curling iron and her hands just went straight out in front of her. That last girl that died fell out of the shower hours after she died? Some of the most dominant jitsu of all time.

3) The only redeeming part of this movie is the sheer amount of cussing that goes on, it was kind of tight.

4) This movie was so bad that it makes me like movies that happen at lake house summer camps even less. Shame on this movie for fucking up friday the 13th.

F (and consequently moving the rest of the friday the 13th movies down another peg or 2).

Frankenstein (1931)

1) It was probably the best black and white movie I've seen. It's only 71 minutes long so my ADD couldn't get the best of me. It also got to the point right out of the gate so I didn't have time to get confused about what was going down.

2) The monster's got his ups and downs. When he moans it sounds like a 4 year old, and he got sad when he threw that girl in the water, which doesn't seem very monster like.

3) He also seems dumb (obvi I get that he just got resurrected or whatever), but other serial killers seem to learn well. I mean, he had a hard time figuring out what the fire was. Michael Myers was locked up in a mental institution for 20 years and then managed to drive a car without taking driver's ed. He even made his way back to Haddonfield without a map, but the monster couldn't figure out how to open an unlocked door. Some serious jitsu.

4) I'm sure it was still scary back in the day. He's super giant, pretty creepy looking, and can choke people out. I mean, I get it.

Best black and white so far, but my lack of fanfare for the real old movies keeps it from climbing too far up the totem pole.

B-

I Know What You Did Last Summer

1) It's mostly ho-hum. The first part is tight where something fucked up happens and then the creepy stuff happens slowly but my ADD gets the best of me by the end of the movie. Movies like this and scream get more jitsu because theres like a 100 possible killers that are running around and they keep calling audibles about who they are.

2) The whole fish hook thing was fairly original but not near as cool as a butcher knife or the knife fingers.

3) Why don't these people get the fuck out of town? If a bunch of dudes I hung out with started getting fucked up all the time it wouldn't take me long to make moves out of the town. Some n00bjitsu.

Good the first few times, but hard to sit through at the end.

C-

The Omen (2006)

1) It's a lot better remake then some of the other jitz that has gotten redone. Don't get me wrong, I like most of the crappy remakes, but this one was actually pretty good.

2) The nightmares the mom has are spooky as fuck. Another jitsu movie that scared me was that eyes wide shut one b/c of all the masks in it. In the Omen she has these dreams where she shuts the mirror and the devil mask thing pops up and its scary as fuck. and how scary is that little kid? jesus h. christ.

3) Julia Styles is in it and shes a babe. Her and Amanda Peete are 2 of the hottest babes of all time. Props to this movie.

A (but too spooky to watch too many times).

Children of the Corn

1) It's got one of the best opening set ups in the history of movies. First this had to have set the stage for a wreck of other scary movies that have someone get lost in the middle of nowhere and show up to a gas station with some crazy attendant. Props for setting the stage for greatness.

2) The music is pretty sick. It's hard to describe here but if you watch the movie you know what i'm talking about.

3) The corn fields are a tight setting too. Maybe it's my western kansas roots but the whole small town Nebraska with the corn fields is spooky.

4) The only jitsu part is the end of the movie. I dunno who this guy 'who walks behind the rows' is. By the end of the movie it's like that creature from beetlejuice who runs under the ground is that dude. (btw beetlejuice is creepy).

The first 90% of the movie is really good but the end kinda tko's it.

A-

Child's Play

1) It's not as historically important for me as the child's play 2 movie. This one's not as scary b/c you don't actually see chucky move around for the first part of the movie.

2) But don't get it twisted, it gets scary. The first part where you actually see Chucky move is when that fires going and he talks without the batteries in him and then he makes it rain on Andy's mom. And all the times Andy has to stay in the same room as Chucky is creepy as shit.

3) The creepiest part of Chucky is that no one thinks hes real. I always get the question 'but it's just a doll'. But that's exactly what everyone in the movie says then they get all fucked up.

Little Jennings was forever scarred because of that doll. I mean that shit lasted for like a decade so it's hard to rank this too low.

B

Movie Suggestions

There's like 18 more days of halloween movies. just wanted to see if the fans wanted to see anything particular. I need to add another 5ish movies .

***Here's the rest of the lineup for October

1) Halloween
Halloween 2
Halloween 4
Halloween 5
5) Curse of Michael myers
Halloween resurrection
Friday 13th new
Friday 13th old
Exorcist
10) Poltergeist
Trick r treat
The omen old
13) The omen new
Children of the Corn

****Stuff that I'm contemplating

Texas chainsaw massacre, paranormal activity, halloween 3, blair witch project, saw

***Random stuff that will make an appearance- all the beavis and butthead halloweens (obvi)

Freddy v. Jason

1) It's sick. The movie sets up the background of both characters real well. If people hadn't seen any of the movies before they'd still know how freddy and jason both went apeshit.

2) There's a bunch of kills that are like ones in previous movies. Freddy getting his head loped off is how Jason's mom died in the first movie. In Jason Goes to Hell, Jason's mask is dug up by a dog at the end of the movie, and a freddy claw comes out of the ground and pulls the mask down to hell. A pretty sick setup that a lot of people probably missed b/c Jason Goes to Hell was a pretty big turd of a movie.

3) The rest of the deaths are all pretty crazy. The dude gets crunched up in the bed, that one chick gets flung from a big stick, and jason throws that sick flaming knife after the redneck dude.

4) there's a fair amount of nudity to which matches the rest of the movies lol.

Top notch shit - A+

Rosemary's Baby

I don't get what all the fuss about this was.

1) It wasn't scary. There wasn't any part where somebody jumps out at you and really nothing creepy happens. The spookiest part is where she has that dream about her and the devil making love, but even then it was more weird than scary.

2) The plot doesn't even seem scary. Maybe if I was a middle aged girl it would seem scarier.

3) Seems like other movies ran with the plot much better (the old and new omen were sick, probably post about that soon). I think the Omen was spooky because the antichrist was born and then he wrecked havoc on the world. Just hard to be scared of someone not born. Then again I've been scared by dumber stuff #lol.

Maybe it's just some jitsu part in me that's not wild about pre 1970 horror movies.

D+

Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

After listening to that British n00b talk about the new one being shitty I thought I'd revisit the old one.

1) Overall it's a sick movie. Any movie that spawns like 10 sequels had something going for it.

2) It's not too spooky. Except for Johnny Depp who generally just scares the hell out of me, even in that jitsu willy wonka remake he was in.

3) The part at the end where Nancy sets up all the traps reminds me of home alone. Theres like that wire that trips Freddy and the big sledge hammer that falls off that door. Freddy even gets knocked over by all these jitsu traps.

4) It's clear after this movie that Jason or Michael Myers would actually put a whooping on Freddy. Freddy got fucked up when Nancy hit him in the head with a flower vase but Michael Myers gets shot and shit and it doesn't even phase him. Michael 1, Freddy 0.

A

Scream

1) It's a pretty sick movie because it has so many references to other sick movies. They watch Halloween, the killer loves all that Halloween trivia, and they quote that sick line from psycho.

2) It's not too predictable- I think most people have a hard time figuring out who the killer is. I'm kind of jitsu that I forget the killers in the sequels sometimes.

3) There's a tight reference to freddie kruger that I didn't pick up on the first few times I've seen it. When the principal sees the janitor, the janitor is wes craven (who did a wreck of horror movies) and he's wearing the red and green sweater (freddie's jitsu outfit). I think he might even be called Fred.

4) A pretty big turd part is where the 2 n00b killers go over the top trying to be crazy. They do all this fucked up shit with Neve Campbell at the end but the acting is so bad its hard to take it seriously.

It's a classic but it's no halloween/nightmare on elm street/friday the 13th.

B+

The Last House on the Left (2009)

1) I thought it'd be a turd copy cat of one of the saw movies and it kind of was. A lot of the torture porn movies get over the top. The rape scene was almost too fucked up and then head explosion at the end was a little jitz.

2) On the same note I've never seen someones head explode from a microwave in a movie before so props for being original.

3) Not that a lot of shit makes sense in horror movies, but it was odd to me that the mom and dad seemed to be getting their yaya's off killing the people while the daughter was all fucked up in the other room. The guy had time to set up the microwave contraption before even taking his daughter to the hospital.

Pretty solid but I wouldn't drag someone along to watch it.

C+/C

Halloween H20

1) It's better than the rest of the recent remakes. Everyone probably got bored of all the remakes in the late 80s but this was the first one in awhile so it didn't have some jitsu storyline.

2) it's pretty spooky. The scene with mom and her kid in the highway bathroom scared the hell out of me the first time I saw it.

3) The intro's tight. That kid from 10 things I hate about you gets a skate dinged into his head. And when the police officers are talking about Michael and the Halloween music starts is badass.

4) LL Cool J's in it.

Really good, but maybe I've seen it too many times for me to put it up there with the new Friday the 13th.

A and probably better than the new Halloween remake. #yeahbuddy

Hellraiser

This movie was all kinds of jitsu.

1) Except for Pinhead all of the other "cenobites" look like a bunch of n00bs from a bad sci-fi movie. I get scared of really dumb shit but don't understand how these blob dudes frightened anyone.

2) I don't understand the plot for the life of me. Some dude drops a rubix cube and then it explodes a guy and the rest of the movie he needs people's blood in order to rebuild himself? And who the fuck are these cenobites and why do they care if these people are dying? I tried rewinding it to figure this out but it was still just a wreck of jitsu.

D

Psycho

1) I hate black and white movies and I don't know why, but I could sit through this one. It gets kind of long in the beginning explaining why she's trying to steal all the money and stuff but it gets better later.

2) The shower killing scene is obvi good, but the rest of the kills are pretty fake looking and jitsu. I get that it was 1960 but you think they could make it rain better than this.

3) The psycho was pretty good- it would be hard to figure out that he was his mother if you hadn't seen it before.

I know it's a classic but it'd be hard for me to watch it again.

C

Nightmare on Elm Street 2010 Version

Top notch shit right here

1) It's good shit all around- its got a bunch of creepy little girls making moves the whole time and the characters all die in crazy ways and it pretty much matches the way the first one went down.

2) The only part that could be better is Freddy's face. It looks like Reptile from Mortal Kombat when he transports into that other world. #Jitsu. Freddy's not near as good with the new actor but he comes close enough.

Pretty close to as good as you can get.

A+

Halloween- Rob Zombie Version

1) The beginning of this movie is real tight. All the parts where little Michael makes it rain on his family are all good and even the scenes where he's in the hospital when he's a kid are good. Top notch shit.

2) The macro problem with the movie is that it goes on for far too long. There's a bunch of scenes where he's chasing Laurie around that string like 4 halloween movies into one. They go into the basement that's on Halloween 5 and she sees him with his mask off (Halloween 4). It wouldn't be that big of a problem but it just drags on and on and there's a second movie that could've just incorporated it.

Still one of the best halloweens,

A-

Halloween 2- Rob Zombie Version

1) It's got some pretty good scenes. The one where he takes out the people in the field and the strip club are both tight. Even the girl's relationship with the shrink is tight.

2) The big jitsu part of this movie is the whole horse/michael's mom/little michael following him around the whole movie. it explains why michael needed to kill his sister which is a key move, but i can't tell if they want you to think she was just crazy the whole time or what. The ending scene where shes squirming around but not being held down by anybody or where shes locked up in the asylum. It doesn't make any sense.

Overall the whole movie is still pretty tight

B

Dead Silence

First I thought it was scary as nuts. Maybe it's due to my past with Chucky but the dolls are fucking spooky. When that clown doll starts talking it made me scared of even Cynthia.

2) I thought the plot got too jutz. It reminded me of that jitsu movie mirrors where they keep not finding the killer and the writers try to make a bunch of jitsu plot twists.

3) It did a pretty good job of quelling my ADD- the opening scene starts off pretty spooky, and it always has those dolls jumping out at unexpected times. Scarier than Chucky for sure.

B+