New blog format/subject area

In response to those fans seeking a new format/subject matter I figured I'd try out a more interesting area. Some fans think I'm not qualified to review movies (which I'm not, I obviously have a bad taste in entertainment generally: movies, tv shows, music, etc.) This isn't late breaking news to anyone who reads the blog.

Instead of reviewing movies, I'm going to tell you what I had to eat today. For lunch today I had some eggs and oranges. And a vitamin water zero. I've attached a picture of it for you all to enjoy.

Now before anyone gets bored and quits reading this I should explain the purpose of the blog. I'm showing you my gross looking lunch so you all check my blog everyday.

It's known as the Hawthorne Effect. The theory is if anyone actually cares enough to look at phone pics of my breakfast everyday that they will pressure me to keep taking pictures of scrambled eggs and vitamin waters. Theoretically, if I quit posting pictures of eggs everyday, it will cause uproar throughout the blogosphere and I will be pressured into taking more pictures of the shit I eat for the blog world's enjoyment.

Now I know what you're thinking. "Buffalo, your movie taste is mediocre but this just seems crazy!"

Before you jump ship, I should tell you my approach to blogging is endorsed by Tim Ferriss, a blogger with a degree in East Asian Studies. Although his work has been frowned upon by "experts" (people licensed to practice medicine), I'm pretty sure this should make people want to check out my blog lol.

Actually as I'm writing this I'm getting bored already. Not as bored as I was during Annie Hall, but I think I'll be okay giving D+'s to those turd Academy Award nominees.

JWW, this blog post was for you <3

Happy 1 Year Anniversary!

Whats good blog world, special shout out to the website today for its one year anniversary. Some reflections on its first year..

1) It's came a long way from the first few posts. I still think I'll stick with the numbering system (obvi) but I'm glad it's evolved.

2) Some interesting stats for the fans

a) October 2010 was still the highest month for hits on the blog in 1 month, although I now get more hits per post then ever. September 2011 has its highest month of views per post than any other one.

b) The top 5 most visited pages are 1) Top 10 Movie Scenes #2: 8 Mile Rap Battle , 2) Inception, 3) 8 Mile, 4) The King's Speech, and 5) Piranha 3D (smdh). Also interesting to note that the top post has almost 4 times as many views as any other post on the website.

c) Google recently surpassed twitter as being the number 1 referring site.

3) I like the grading guidelines, although they're not always wildly accurate.

4) I'm a little stumped what to do this October. I have a general idea of watching some more of the old classic movies, following up on the bad sequels to a lot of the old hit movies, watching some of the favorite cult movies, and obvi revisiting some of the money ones closer to Halloween. Outside of October my general goal will be to stay away from straight-to-dvd movies and anything that Alan suggests lol.

It's been a good year blog world, here's to a tight Ocotber!

-buff

Law and Order SVU: Season 13 Opener

1) Pretty solid stuff. I'm still a little dejected that Elliott is gone but I'll try to make due with what they give us.

2) Pretty crazy first episode. I can't believe they really made the Romeo from Letters to Juliet the bad guy.

3) I don't really understand why the SVU cast is always so angry whenever someone else new joins the team. They are always super mad at the new ADA's and they were pretty unreceptive to the new cop from ATL.

4) The scene where Olivia starts crying because Elliott's not coming back is probably the biggest tearjerker moment since The Last One from Friends.

5) Captain Cragen said WHEELS UP lol.

A

Last House on the Left (1972)

1) It's a lot less messed up then the new version. I mean, don't get it twisted, there's some screwed up stuff in it but at least it's not as horrible as the first one.

2) It didn't make a whole lot of sense that the ending only took like 12 minutes. I'm all for short movies but I don't know why they cut the ending so abruptly.

3) Maybe the reason for the short ending is it didn't take any time at all for the parents to TKO the bad guys. I mean how jitsu were those n00bs here? These dudes just get pwned by these 2 middle aged parents who pull these Home Alonesque tricks on them to get them killed.

4) I never really get these old movie posters from the 70s either. "It rests on 13 acres of earth over the very center of hell!" First off, no it doesn't. That place is actually in Western Kansas. Second, why don't they even mention this in the movie? Unless my ADD fooled me they don't even talk about it but just put it on the poster smh.

C+

Limitless

1) I saw this one awhile back, it was kind of mediocre. It seems like the whole movie kind of lacks a real point. It's like, should he take more of the drug, should he not? Won't he just be normal if he doesn't? What if he takes more? Will it really matter, will anyone really care?

2) Seems like a big hyped up drug for some kind of ADD medication on steroids. You take it and just get a whole bunch of stuff done.

3) I don't really get the point of the ending. He just decides to take it to be smarter then everyone else and then run for president? Why didn't the people who originally made the drug just take all of it so they could be president? It doesn't really make that much sense.

4) There wasn't anything horribly wrong with the movie, but there wasn't anything to write home about either.

This movie could've used to take smart smart pills lol,

C-

The Frightening

1) I have to get away from these straight to DVD movies for awhile. I havent seen a straight to dvd movie that was good in awhile and I have no idea why I'm so optimistic I'm going to stumble on one.

2) The theme of this movie just seems like school bullying on steroids. It's like these kids go to school and get killed by this group of people in black clothes.

3) I know the ending changes this, but what was up with the jitsu at the beginning? They keep talking about how the school has the state's best wrestling team but they keep getting pwnd by the men in black. Must not be a Kansas 321a wrestling team lol.

4) The movie was pretty bad all around, but all of the scenes just seemed like they were a hodgepodge of bad scenes from other movies. The one scene where he's dreaming is a really bad mix of that awful movie Eyes Wide Shut and that scene from Scream 2 where they're all in the play.

D-

Urban Legend

1) It's kinda tight that the good looking chick that Nick Beam almost got on in Nothing To Lose (which I actually haven't reviewed) is in it. I just wish she wasn't the killer in it. Kind of like in Friday the 13th it makes you wonder how such a small woman was so muscular the whole time.

2) They shoulda just picked a few of the spookiest legends instead of doing some of the more jitsu ones. I mean the birth control pills or the bubble gum? smdh

3) A lot of horror cameos in this one. I know Robert Englund seems to be doing this on the reg, but they got him and Danielle Harris (who I've totally got a thing for) all in the same movie. I mean at least they put some effort to make this appeal to horror fans.

4) The second assistant director was Jonathan Wright lol.

Despite some effort, this one was pretty terrible,

D

Juno

smh

1) It's almost October which is tight between Alan and the lady friend I've unfortunately seen to many of these movies lately. Hopefully all the spooky movies in October will get me back on track.

2) She's kind of a turd to the Superbad guy the whole time. I dunno why she was so mad at him when he just tried to be nice the whole time lol.

3) I didn't understand all the goofy metaphorical art shots going on. Like at the end of the movie where it's panned out super far for no reason. Or the animated beginning, what was up with that? Or that part where she pulls over to cry and they take an aerial view of the van on the highway? Someone should explain the point of that.

4) There were some pretty funny lines in it. I'm not totally wild about her 16 year old sense of humor, but there was some good stuff.

Just when you thought all remnants of that damn Inception movie had gone away, this had to reappear

D+

Black Christmas (2006)

1) Light years ahead of the original. I reviewed the older movie back in the day. Maybe it's just that some of those older movies are too goofy to be scary, but the older one here is getting blown out of the water.

2) I think my original complaints about the killer being pretty goofy are still valid here, but I think they did a better job of setting up the history of the dude. It's kinda like in the new Halloween with Rob Zombie, where they do the tight flashbacks to his childhood. The only difference here is that all of the Halloween movies rule and this old one didn't.

3) The ending was kinda goofy. I mean the guy got killed by the Christmas tree? smh.

4) The babe from Eurotrip was in it which was tight.

Good stuff,

B

Phone Booth

1) It was pretty tight overall. I saw this in theaters with somebody back in the day but can't remember who, maybe @milhouse. I don't think I've ever watched this movie with someone who actually enjoys it but I thought it was tight. (Random FYI: bricker actually likes this movie and is glued to the tv when its on but he never wants to admit to it).

2) Kiefer Sutherland has the easiest job in the world in this movie just being the narrator. I'll bet he just did this from home and got paid a wreck of money.

3) Seems like Kiefer should get something better to do with his free time during the movie. I mean, the first two people that he talks about killing seemed like bad people (the pedophile and the thief). Even then this whole vigilante justice things just not a good idea. But Collin Farrell? Not that Collin Farrell is a great guy in this movie but the world's got bigger problems to tackle then some dude who pretends to be rich when he's not.

4) Roger Ebert gave it 2 thumbs up, me too.

A

10 Things I Hate About You

Wgbw, since it's almost October (yeahbuddy) I'll be audibleing back to a pretty strict scary movie diet again soon. But until then I'm gonna try and get the last of these RomComs out of my system.

1) An oldie but goodie. It's got a pretty well rounded cast, had a good ending, and I've always had a thing for high school romcom/horror movies.

2) Seems like 1 thing they could've really fixed was how irritable everyone was during this movie. Julia Stiles gets all riled up about a bunch of shenanigans but then kind of gives in pretty fast about the whole 'you were paid to take me out' thing. And Alex Mack gets and that dude from Inception fight about the goofiest stuff, smh.

3) The scene where Julia Stiles reads him that poem is one of the better RomCom scenes of all time. Definitely top notch.

4) I've always had a crush on Julia Stiles too. Her and Amanda Peet. <3

House of Wax (2005)

1) Smh, I knew this would be bad but I didn't realize how bad it would be. The beginning was kind of spooky/had a good set up but besides that I'm not sure there was even anything kind of remotely good about the rest of the movie.

2) It was kind of a unique storyline, but in a horrible way. There's not too many movies about brothers who like to kidnap people and keep them sitting around the house with wax on them, but there's a good reason for that.

3) It was even dumber that they discovered a 3rd brother at the end of the movie. #smh

4) They included an alternate opening on the bluray that was literally just some girl getting her head smashed into a window. Why on god's green earth did they think that was interesting enough to film, let alone include as an extra?

I don't pay heed to a lot of movie awards (obvi), but this was nominated for 3 Razzie's for a reason,

F

Lars and the Real Girl

1) I've been hanging out with a new lf who is into the generally well reviewed movies and I've sat through a few of them now. Most of these 'good' movies have been pretty ho hum and this one was no exception.

2) It mostly doesn't make that much sense to me. I get that it's a really good 'feel good' story about how a town can make the guy feel better and stuff, but what an odd storyline to get to that ending.

3) It's kind of odd b/c besides for the unusual storyline, theres nothing really wrong with the movie. I don't even think the oddness of it makes me not like it. I think the bigger problem is that for some reason unbeknownst to me, I'm not really a fan of inspirational/feel good movies generally. Except for 8 Mile, that movie rules and will inspire the shit out of you.

I heard @jkasten liked this #smh,

D+

Definitely, Maybe

1) It was pretty good but not great. Maybe it's just because I'm generally pretty politically apathetic and a whole bunch of the movie takes place in his campaign office lol.

2) Dude's just getting a wreck of shut downs this whole movie. I mean, it's tight there was a happy ending, but man did Ryan Reynolds just get stomped on by these 3 girls.

3) The scene on the rooftop was super tight. For as much as I complain about movies being redundant with the endings or twists and what not, I don't think I'll ever get bored of the speech where he tells some chick why he wants to court her. The whole 'last person I want to talk to before I sleep and the first person I see in the morning' was tight in When Harry Met Sally, and is tight here too.

4) It had some long drawn out kind of parts in it, but it's few really good parts kept it in the mix.

B-

Wrong Turn

1) I still don't really get what was going on with the people out in the woods. They look just kinda deformed and get scared easily but want to study human bodies? I dunno, doesn't make much sense to me. And they could all be in the olympics for these fucking archery skills that they got going on. I mean it's crazy how far and accurate these dudes can shoot these fucking things.

2) Probably overdoing the creepy mechanic who knows about all the shenanigans that are about to go down. It was good in Children of the Corn and the new Friday the 13th, but it just seems too predictable here.

3) That mom's boyfriend from the hit movie Thirteen is in this lol.

4) Really the whole movie was just kinda predictable. Alan wanted to give it an A, but thankfully I've got better movie taste then he does.

C+

The Ward

1) Pretty big letdown. I was expecting a really tight movie but maybe had my hopes too high.

2) The biggest kicker was the ending :( I thought The Uninvited and Identity were pretty good, but (*spoiler alert*) the same ending here was pretty disappointing. I get she's in a mental institution, but I don't understand how she got this out of her mind. I mean, she imagines someone chasing her and killing everyone when she's the one that's doing it? But then she's not actually killing anyone since they are all make believe? It especially doesn't make any sense because at the end the ghost chick jumps out at her.

3) I think it could have been okay if the ghost girl at least looked scary. I mean, I get scared of dolls, masks, all kinds of stuff, but she wasn't even a little creepy.

4) The chick is the dude's girlfriend in the Stepfather. She's a looker.

Kind of a letdown for a Carpenter comeback,

C-

The King's Speech

1) It was okay. BW, I started this thing where I wait a day or two before I blog about a movie so I don't jump to any conclusions lol. This one was a pretty big stinker out of the get go but now it's actually okay.

2) I get that the plot was historically important or whatever, but it's kind of hard to make a whole movie about a guy having to give a speech. I mean it was good and kinda funny at points but don't make a sequel about this one.

3) It wasn't terribly long either which was tight. Except for the beginning I never really found myself sitting around telling the movie to wrap it up. Even after he gave the final speech they made the movie end pretty quickly which was tight.

4) They really should have had Emily from Friends make an appearance in the movie. Not that this movie would've particularly been her style but everytime I see a British movie I wonder why she's not in it. I guess she got tired of all the fame that Friends Season 4 gave her.

Surprisingly okay after a day or two of reflection,

B

Something Borrowed

1) It was pretty solid. It had enough good girly parts and was pretty funny for the most part.

2) Kate Hudson was a little over the top. I mean, I get that it was the point of the movie and all, but it was a little annoying.

3) The ending was pretty crappy. It reminded me a lot of The Break-Up where they just pass each other on the street and then it ends without any closure. I mean, I don't really care if Kate Hudson and that chick makeup but it at least would have made the movie end on a better note.

4) Despite the above, it was still really good. Sometimes you don't know why you like a movie but you just do. This was one of those <3

A-

Hostel

1) Almost too gruesome. I've got a few things that just give me the willies and one of them is when people touch the back of my ankles. That scene where the dude gets them split up is pretty messed up. So was the girl getting her eyeball lit up.

2) The first half of the movie was pretty tight. Had a pretty spooky set up, and you never really knew when those dudes were gonna get taken away.

3) For some unexplained reason this movie is just lightyears behind Hostel 2. Maybe it's just that there was no really upbeat part at all during the last part of this movie. It's just straight up depressing all the screwed up stuff and people getting TKO'd.

4) Those little kids certainly had a lot of firepower for a bunch of 11 year olds. Maybe they could do Children of the Corn v. Hostel as some straight to DVD movie. That'd be pretty tight.

C-

True Grit

1) I tried to sit on this for a day so I wouldn't rush to any snap judgments (not that I ever usually do that). That being said my initial thoughts are about the same lol.

2) Overall it was okay. It had a pretty okay (but predictable) storyline. It was even kind of funny at times. The part where the one eyed dude's drunk and keeps trying to show off his shooting skills is pretty tight. Maybe I'm just not enough of a fan of the Westerns/remakes/action movies to begin with for this to get too wild.

3) It probably could've obtained B range if the thing just would've ended soon enough. The drag along ending is just always a good way to drop a movie down a few notches. I mean, I get that it's dramatic when a movie's about to end and some big dramatic twist happens. I get Matt Damon getting his head clocked. But the girl getting bit by the snake? The horse dying half way? The dude dying at the end? Them having to then FFWD 25 years to just have her talk about how she'd like to catch up with him? I mean just get it over with already.

Don't judge a book by it's cover lol,

C-

August 2011

Whats good BW? Few announcements tonight.

First, I've been working on this sick long blog post about how Michael Myers pops up in a who's who of horror (and nonhorror) movies. It's really tight but I've been having trouble putting the pictures in all the appropriate places on the blog so I just need to work out a few kinks there.

Second, just thought I should give you all a heads up (2 years late) about this sick song I've had on repeat all day. Give it a listen, it's no TSwift but it's still pretty quality stuff. It's by Ashley Gearing, it's called What Do You Think About Us and it's tight. Check it out here.

Finally, to my friend @jonathanwesley, I've also got a surprise blog post for you soon. #staytuned

313,

Buff

Up in the Air

1) This was pretty bad. I'm not really for the depressing movies and this one was super depressing. I mean, the guy just goes and fires people and hates his life too.

2) The worst part is there was no solid ending to the movie. So his assistant quits and is sad and has to move to California, he gets shut down by the married woman, and then has to continue living his life that he didn't like so much? Was that really how it ended? #smh

3) I guess it was kind of tight that Kenny Powers was in it, that at least saved this from joining the Halloween Jitsu F Club.

4) I don't know if I can reiterate enough how bad the whole movie was besides that. Just sadness, and no resolution of anything, and not even a whiff of romcom.

How this was up for an oscar is beyond me,

D-

Session 9

1) Had a pretty legit story line. The guy found all these old tapes of someone with multiple personalities and started listening to them. Turns out he actually has multiple personalities and was making it rain on everyone the whole time. Hell of a good set up for that.

2) FWIW the guy shouldn't have been dicking around with the tapes and stuff. If I was cleaning up asbestos in an old haunted mental institution I would stay clear of any spooky stuff laying around, that's for sure.

3) They should do more movies in old asylums and stuff. I'm still pretty pumped to see The Ward, which should be quite a bit scarier than this one.

4) The one guy off of Sweet Home Alabama is on here. He was a lot better in that lol.

It had a sound story line and all, but not enough scares,

C

Ginger Snaps

1) It was actually pretty tight. I'm not a big werewolf movie fan nor some of the other inappropriate content in here but this was legit.

2) The whole obsession with death thing at the beginning was (obvi) pretty morbid. I don't know what the whole point of that was or why it really mattered with the rest of the movie. Maybe it just went a long with the depressing theme song during the first part of the movie, who knows.

3) I watched the trailer for the sequel; boy howdy does it look bad.

4) Ginger was the same girl that was in the hit movie Freddy v. Jason. I don't know why she's not in more movies.

Good stuff,

A-

Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2

1) This follow up story line was pretty stupid. I'm still not sure I even understand what actually happened. It's like they wake up in the morning and realize they did all this stupid shit the night before and have to figure out how it happened. Seemed like it was pretty similar in movie quality to Dude, Where's My Car?, which might be one of the single worst movies of all time.

2) FWIW the movie started out really tight. They all decide to go investigate all of the shenanigans of the original Blair Witch Project. I've always wanted to go camping up in Oregon to go hang out by all the places where the alien abductions went down. It still sounds tight but I just never realized how far away Oregon actually is.

3) The whole movie flashback part of this got really long and boring. It would have been a lot better if there was just 1 flashback of all this crazy stuff going down instead of these constant annoying brief flashbacks.

It was pretty bad,

D+

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

1) It's really tight. It seems like everyone really hated on this one but I thought it was a lot tighter than the first one. I think the additional RomCom quality they added to this one pushed it over the edge. I get that he's going after the chick in the first one, but it seems like it's a lot more of a central theme of this one.

2) That NSA agent always comes off across as a n00b in all the movies he's been in. Maybe it's from his early days at that jitsu daily show, but he's pretty bad in this and in Hot Tub Time Machine.

3) Kumar's lady friend is a babe and one of my celebrity crushes. She's not as good as she was in the award winning movie The Roommate but she's still pretty legit.

4) There's a bunch of tight scenes in it. The whole part with NPH is tight. The ending is also real money where he does the goofy math thing.

Definitely a top notch RomCom,

A

Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet

1) Had to change the original picture, I guess the theater poster for this is pretty risque lol.

2) Danielle Harris from the Halloween 4/5 movies is in it. That might have been one of the only redeeming qualities of it lol. It was an okay teen thriller, but the end just got so boring.

3) The scissors kill at the beginning was very Danielle Harris esque. It was almost identical to the way Halloween 4 ends. However, all of the stupid blood that followed was not.

4) Maybe I'm getting old or something, but too many of these new horror movies that just love showing blood go everywhere are kinda stupid. I mean, I get that blood is scary and stuff, but it seems like everyone is just trying to find new ways to make it squirt out and go everywhere.

5) This movie had way too much blood, and way too little story. I'm not a Mary Hatchet expert or anything but theres all these spooky stories about her so the movie was a pretty big disappointment. I guess that makes sense given that I'm not even sure this movie was ever in theaters.

You could find better things to do on a Sunday morning,

C-

Piranha 3D

1) Only one way to describe this movie: SMH. Usually when I sign up for one of these dumb horror movies I get what I'm getting myself into. I didn't really think Sorority Row was gonna win any Academy Awards or anything, but it was what I thought it would be. I don't know what I really hoped for in this movie but dear god was it bad.

2) There's an earthquake that springs to life these piranhas and then they make there way to some spring break. That's really the whole movie. There's a brief interlude every 10 minutes of just showing some random Spring Break scene and then people get eaten. #smh

3) I guess the guest stars were unexpected- KP's old manager from Eastbound and Down was in it and the crazy doc from Back to the Future: 25th Anniversary Trilogy (+ Digital Copy) [Blu-ray], but besides that this one was one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

4) Smh at myself too for continually watching these 3D movies in 2D. Not that watching this in 3D would have made this movie any more bearable.

5) Actually there was nothing about this movie that was even kind of note worthy. There were 1400 previews, nothing actually happened and at 90 minutes it was still too long. It would be hard to add anything to this movie to make it worse. Maybe if that Peanut Butter Jelly Time song was on repeat the whole time. Besides that this was bottom of the pile.

F

Insidious

1) First movie since Poltergeist that really scared the bejesus out of me. There's the part where this shadowy dude is just standing outside of the bedroom. Reminded me of The Box where there's just some dude creepily hanging out the window. Actually now that I think about it this movie was a lot like the Box. It had a sick scary beginning but then turned into a turd.

2) The life size dolls and devil people freak me out too. This movie just had all kinds of scary shit going on in it. In the middle of the movie my door squeaked open too. Scary stuff.

3) The plot didn't make that much sense. They had to go to some psychic world to recover the kid from the fake coma? And the mystery dude pops up in the pictures? #smh

4) I think sometimes these movies would just be scarier if they didn't try to develop some stupid explanation for the chain of events. The Box would've been good, One Missed Call woulda been tight, too many movies to count. They shoulda just let the creepy shit go down for awhile. For all the stupid movies that don't really have a plot or ending (see Annie Hall or The Graduate), you think they could at least try to do this sometime with horror movies. Like the reason Halloween was so tight was because there was really no explanation/motive for him at first. And the reason this was so jitsu is because they tried to explain it.

In the end the scary parts more than made up for the jitsu,

B-

The Lincoln Lawyer

1) It's hard for me to watch too many law movies with all the law stuff I've learned. It's annoying to watch movies with people who always say the movie's inaccurate for some reason but ay ay. Obviously the one legal exception to this is Law & Order: Special Victims Unit - The Twelfth Year. That show is so money.

2) Matthew McConaughey is good but I think he's better at the RomComs. It's not like he was bad here, but maybe all the RomComs he's in are so tight that this seemed ho hum.

3) Kinda weak sauce that the mom comes after him at the end. And the parking ticket was the big revelation. #smh

4) It was kinda tight that the dude in jail was from Eastbound & Down: The Complete Second Season [Blu-ray]. Maybe that made it harder to think of this as some thrilling drama too lol.

C

Anneliese: The Exorcist Tapes

Uhhhhhhhhh.

1) It's a pretty bad movie. They say all the "material" used for the film is real at the beginning and hasn't been doctored or anything but that's obviously not true when they switch to the sepia color film. Unless there were like 42 cameras available for this and hi-tech night vision cameras back in the day I'm calling shenanigans.

2) I was only half paying attention but it seems like it just kinda slow/drawn out. Then again I feel like this with a lot of movies.

3) FWIW, exorcism movies really freak me out. Hell, even back in the day Days of Our Lives really spooked me out. Marlena got possessed by the devil and I nearly had to quit watching the show.

4) You know how sometimes movies try to appeal to people by saying "from the directors of really good movie x"? I didn't realize that this one tried to appeal by saying it was the tapes that inspired The Exorcism of Emily Rose. I mean, don't get it twisted, that's a good movie and all, but trying to just appeal to the story? Eh.

5) And dear god was the ending bad. Was it just so low budge that they couldn't keep the feed going or was that cutting in and out supposed to be dramatic? #SMH

D-