House of Wax (2005)

1) Smh, I knew this would be bad but I didn't realize how bad it would be. The beginning was kind of spooky/had a good set up but besides that I'm not sure there was even anything kind of remotely good about the rest of the movie.

2) It was kind of a unique storyline, but in a horrible way. There's not too many movies about brothers who like to kidnap people and keep them sitting around the house with wax on them, but there's a good reason for that.

3) It was even dumber that they discovered a 3rd brother at the end of the movie. #smh

4) They included an alternate opening on the bluray that was literally just some girl getting her head smashed into a window. Why on god's green earth did they think that was interesting enough to film, let alone include as an extra?

I don't pay heed to a lot of movie awards (obvi), but this was nominated for 3 Razzie's for a reason,

F

Lars and the Real Girl

1) I've been hanging out with a new lf who is into the generally well reviewed movies and I've sat through a few of them now. Most of these 'good' movies have been pretty ho hum and this one was no exception.

2) It mostly doesn't make that much sense to me. I get that it's a really good 'feel good' story about how a town can make the guy feel better and stuff, but what an odd storyline to get to that ending.

3) It's kind of odd b/c besides for the unusual storyline, theres nothing really wrong with the movie. I don't even think the oddness of it makes me not like it. I think the bigger problem is that for some reason unbeknownst to me, I'm not really a fan of inspirational/feel good movies generally. Except for 8 Mile, that movie rules and will inspire the shit out of you.

I heard @jkasten liked this #smh,

D+

Definitely, Maybe

1) It was pretty good but not great. Maybe it's just because I'm generally pretty politically apathetic and a whole bunch of the movie takes place in his campaign office lol.

2) Dude's just getting a wreck of shut downs this whole movie. I mean, it's tight there was a happy ending, but man did Ryan Reynolds just get stomped on by these 3 girls.

3) The scene on the rooftop was super tight. For as much as I complain about movies being redundant with the endings or twists and what not, I don't think I'll ever get bored of the speech where he tells some chick why he wants to court her. The whole 'last person I want to talk to before I sleep and the first person I see in the morning' was tight in When Harry Met Sally, and is tight here too.

4) It had some long drawn out kind of parts in it, but it's few really good parts kept it in the mix.

B-

Wrong Turn

1) I still don't really get what was going on with the people out in the woods. They look just kinda deformed and get scared easily but want to study human bodies? I dunno, doesn't make much sense to me. And they could all be in the olympics for these fucking archery skills that they got going on. I mean it's crazy how far and accurate these dudes can shoot these fucking things.

2) Probably overdoing the creepy mechanic who knows about all the shenanigans that are about to go down. It was good in Children of the Corn and the new Friday the 13th, but it just seems too predictable here.

3) That mom's boyfriend from the hit movie Thirteen is in this lol.

4) Really the whole movie was just kinda predictable. Alan wanted to give it an A, but thankfully I've got better movie taste then he does.

C+

The Ward

1) Pretty big letdown. I was expecting a really tight movie but maybe had my hopes too high.

2) The biggest kicker was the ending :( I thought The Uninvited and Identity were pretty good, but (*spoiler alert*) the same ending here was pretty disappointing. I get she's in a mental institution, but I don't understand how she got this out of her mind. I mean, she imagines someone chasing her and killing everyone when she's the one that's doing it? But then she's not actually killing anyone since they are all make believe? It especially doesn't make any sense because at the end the ghost chick jumps out at her.

3) I think it could have been okay if the ghost girl at least looked scary. I mean, I get scared of dolls, masks, all kinds of stuff, but she wasn't even a little creepy.

4) The chick is the dude's girlfriend in the Stepfather. She's a looker.

Kind of a letdown for a Carpenter comeback,

C-

The King's Speech

1) It was okay. BW, I started this thing where I wait a day or two before I blog about a movie so I don't jump to any conclusions lol. This one was a pretty big stinker out of the get go but now it's actually okay.

2) I get that the plot was historically important or whatever, but it's kind of hard to make a whole movie about a guy having to give a speech. I mean it was good and kinda funny at points but don't make a sequel about this one.

3) It wasn't terribly long either which was tight. Except for the beginning I never really found myself sitting around telling the movie to wrap it up. Even after he gave the final speech they made the movie end pretty quickly which was tight.

4) They really should have had Emily from Friends make an appearance in the movie. Not that this movie would've particularly been her style but everytime I see a British movie I wonder why she's not in it. I guess she got tired of all the fame that Friends Season 4 gave her.

Surprisingly okay after a day or two of reflection,

B

Something Borrowed

1) It was pretty solid. It had enough good girly parts and was pretty funny for the most part.

2) Kate Hudson was a little over the top. I mean, I get that it was the point of the movie and all, but it was a little annoying.

3) The ending was pretty crappy. It reminded me a lot of The Break-Up where they just pass each other on the street and then it ends without any closure. I mean, I don't really care if Kate Hudson and that chick makeup but it at least would have made the movie end on a better note.

4) Despite the above, it was still really good. Sometimes you don't know why you like a movie but you just do. This was one of those <3

A-

Hostel

1) Almost too gruesome. I've got a few things that just give me the willies and one of them is when people touch the back of my ankles. That scene where the dude gets them split up is pretty messed up. So was the girl getting her eyeball lit up.

2) The first half of the movie was pretty tight. Had a pretty spooky set up, and you never really knew when those dudes were gonna get taken away.

3) For some unexplained reason this movie is just lightyears behind Hostel 2. Maybe it's just that there was no really upbeat part at all during the last part of this movie. It's just straight up depressing all the screwed up stuff and people getting TKO'd.

4) Those little kids certainly had a lot of firepower for a bunch of 11 year olds. Maybe they could do Children of the Corn v. Hostel as some straight to DVD movie. That'd be pretty tight.

C-

True Grit

1) I tried to sit on this for a day so I wouldn't rush to any snap judgments (not that I ever usually do that). That being said my initial thoughts are about the same lol.

2) Overall it was okay. It had a pretty okay (but predictable) storyline. It was even kind of funny at times. The part where the one eyed dude's drunk and keeps trying to show off his shooting skills is pretty tight. Maybe I'm just not enough of a fan of the Westerns/remakes/action movies to begin with for this to get too wild.

3) It probably could've obtained B range if the thing just would've ended soon enough. The drag along ending is just always a good way to drop a movie down a few notches. I mean, I get that it's dramatic when a movie's about to end and some big dramatic twist happens. I get Matt Damon getting his head clocked. But the girl getting bit by the snake? The horse dying half way? The dude dying at the end? Them having to then FFWD 25 years to just have her talk about how she'd like to catch up with him? I mean just get it over with already.

Don't judge a book by it's cover lol,

C-

August 2011

Whats good BW? Few announcements tonight.

First, I've been working on this sick long blog post about how Michael Myers pops up in a who's who of horror (and nonhorror) movies. It's really tight but I've been having trouble putting the pictures in all the appropriate places on the blog so I just need to work out a few kinks there.

Second, just thought I should give you all a heads up (2 years late) about this sick song I've had on repeat all day. Give it a listen, it's no TSwift but it's still pretty quality stuff. It's by Ashley Gearing, it's called What Do You Think About Us and it's tight. Check it out here.

Finally, to my friend @jonathanwesley, I've also got a surprise blog post for you soon. #staytuned

313,

Buff

Up in the Air

1) This was pretty bad. I'm not really for the depressing movies and this one was super depressing. I mean, the guy just goes and fires people and hates his life too.

2) The worst part is there was no solid ending to the movie. So his assistant quits and is sad and has to move to California, he gets shut down by the married woman, and then has to continue living his life that he didn't like so much? Was that really how it ended? #smh

3) I guess it was kind of tight that Kenny Powers was in it, that at least saved this from joining the Halloween Jitsu F Club.

4) I don't know if I can reiterate enough how bad the whole movie was besides that. Just sadness, and no resolution of anything, and not even a whiff of romcom.

How this was up for an oscar is beyond me,

D-

Session 9

1) Had a pretty legit story line. The guy found all these old tapes of someone with multiple personalities and started listening to them. Turns out he actually has multiple personalities and was making it rain on everyone the whole time. Hell of a good set up for that.

2) FWIW the guy shouldn't have been dicking around with the tapes and stuff. If I was cleaning up asbestos in an old haunted mental institution I would stay clear of any spooky stuff laying around, that's for sure.

3) They should do more movies in old asylums and stuff. I'm still pretty pumped to see The Ward, which should be quite a bit scarier than this one.

4) The one guy off of Sweet Home Alabama is on here. He was a lot better in that lol.

It had a sound story line and all, but not enough scares,

C

Ginger Snaps

1) It was actually pretty tight. I'm not a big werewolf movie fan nor some of the other inappropriate content in here but this was legit.

2) The whole obsession with death thing at the beginning was (obvi) pretty morbid. I don't know what the whole point of that was or why it really mattered with the rest of the movie. Maybe it just went a long with the depressing theme song during the first part of the movie, who knows.

3) I watched the trailer for the sequel; boy howdy does it look bad.

4) Ginger was the same girl that was in the hit movie Freddy v. Jason. I don't know why she's not in more movies.

Good stuff,

A-

Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2

1) This follow up story line was pretty stupid. I'm still not sure I even understand what actually happened. It's like they wake up in the morning and realize they did all this stupid shit the night before and have to figure out how it happened. Seemed like it was pretty similar in movie quality to Dude, Where's My Car?, which might be one of the single worst movies of all time.

2) FWIW the movie started out really tight. They all decide to go investigate all of the shenanigans of the original Blair Witch Project. I've always wanted to go camping up in Oregon to go hang out by all the places where the alien abductions went down. It still sounds tight but I just never realized how far away Oregon actually is.

3) The whole movie flashback part of this got really long and boring. It would have been a lot better if there was just 1 flashback of all this crazy stuff going down instead of these constant annoying brief flashbacks.

It was pretty bad,

D+

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

1) It's really tight. It seems like everyone really hated on this one but I thought it was a lot tighter than the first one. I think the additional RomCom quality they added to this one pushed it over the edge. I get that he's going after the chick in the first one, but it seems like it's a lot more of a central theme of this one.

2) That NSA agent always comes off across as a n00b in all the movies he's been in. Maybe it's from his early days at that jitsu daily show, but he's pretty bad in this and in Hot Tub Time Machine.

3) Kumar's lady friend is a babe and one of my celebrity crushes. She's not as good as she was in the award winning movie The Roommate but she's still pretty legit.

4) There's a bunch of tight scenes in it. The whole part with NPH is tight. The ending is also real money where he does the goofy math thing.

Definitely a top notch RomCom,

A

Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet

1) Had to change the original picture, I guess the theater poster for this is pretty risque lol.

2) Danielle Harris from the Halloween 4/5 movies is in it. That might have been one of the only redeeming qualities of it lol. It was an okay teen thriller, but the end just got so boring.

3) The scissors kill at the beginning was very Danielle Harris esque. It was almost identical to the way Halloween 4 ends. However, all of the stupid blood that followed was not.

4) Maybe I'm getting old or something, but too many of these new horror movies that just love showing blood go everywhere are kinda stupid. I mean, I get that blood is scary and stuff, but it seems like everyone is just trying to find new ways to make it squirt out and go everywhere.

5) This movie had way too much blood, and way too little story. I'm not a Mary Hatchet expert or anything but theres all these spooky stories about her so the movie was a pretty big disappointment. I guess that makes sense given that I'm not even sure this movie was ever in theaters.

You could find better things to do on a Sunday morning,

C-

Piranha 3D

1) Only one way to describe this movie: SMH. Usually when I sign up for one of these dumb horror movies I get what I'm getting myself into. I didn't really think Sorority Row was gonna win any Academy Awards or anything, but it was what I thought it would be. I don't know what I really hoped for in this movie but dear god was it bad.

2) There's an earthquake that springs to life these piranhas and then they make there way to some spring break. That's really the whole movie. There's a brief interlude every 10 minutes of just showing some random Spring Break scene and then people get eaten. #smh

3) I guess the guest stars were unexpected- KP's old manager from Eastbound and Down was in it and the crazy doc from Back to the Future: 25th Anniversary Trilogy (+ Digital Copy) [Blu-ray], but besides that this one was one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

4) Smh at myself too for continually watching these 3D movies in 2D. Not that watching this in 3D would have made this movie any more bearable.

5) Actually there was nothing about this movie that was even kind of note worthy. There were 1400 previews, nothing actually happened and at 90 minutes it was still too long. It would be hard to add anything to this movie to make it worse. Maybe if that Peanut Butter Jelly Time song was on repeat the whole time. Besides that this was bottom of the pile.

F

Insidious

1) First movie since Poltergeist that really scared the bejesus out of me. There's the part where this shadowy dude is just standing outside of the bedroom. Reminded me of The Box where there's just some dude creepily hanging out the window. Actually now that I think about it this movie was a lot like the Box. It had a sick scary beginning but then turned into a turd.

2) The life size dolls and devil people freak me out too. This movie just had all kinds of scary shit going on in it. In the middle of the movie my door squeaked open too. Scary stuff.

3) The plot didn't make that much sense. They had to go to some psychic world to recover the kid from the fake coma? And the mystery dude pops up in the pictures? #smh

4) I think sometimes these movies would just be scarier if they didn't try to develop some stupid explanation for the chain of events. The Box would've been good, One Missed Call woulda been tight, too many movies to count. They shoulda just let the creepy shit go down for awhile. For all the stupid movies that don't really have a plot or ending (see Annie Hall or The Graduate), you think they could at least try to do this sometime with horror movies. Like the reason Halloween was so tight was because there was really no explanation/motive for him at first. And the reason this was so jitsu is because they tried to explain it.

In the end the scary parts more than made up for the jitsu,

B-

The Lincoln Lawyer

1) It's hard for me to watch too many law movies with all the law stuff I've learned. It's annoying to watch movies with people who always say the movie's inaccurate for some reason but ay ay. Obviously the one legal exception to this is Law & Order: Special Victims Unit - The Twelfth Year. That show is so money.

2) Matthew McConaughey is good but I think he's better at the RomComs. It's not like he was bad here, but maybe all the RomComs he's in are so tight that this seemed ho hum.

3) Kinda weak sauce that the mom comes after him at the end. And the parking ticket was the big revelation. #smh

4) It was kinda tight that the dude in jail was from Eastbound & Down: The Complete Second Season [Blu-ray]. Maybe that made it harder to think of this as some thrilling drama too lol.

C

Anneliese: The Exorcist Tapes

Uhhhhhhhhh.

1) It's a pretty bad movie. They say all the "material" used for the film is real at the beginning and hasn't been doctored or anything but that's obviously not true when they switch to the sepia color film. Unless there were like 42 cameras available for this and hi-tech night vision cameras back in the day I'm calling shenanigans.

2) I was only half paying attention but it seems like it just kinda slow/drawn out. Then again I feel like this with a lot of movies.

3) FWIW, exorcism movies really freak me out. Hell, even back in the day Days of Our Lives really spooked me out. Marlena got possessed by the devil and I nearly had to quit watching the show.

4) You know how sometimes movies try to appeal to people by saying "from the directors of really good movie x"? I didn't realize that this one tried to appeal by saying it was the tapes that inspired The Exorcism of Emily Rose. I mean, don't get it twisted, that's a good movie and all, but trying to just appeal to the story? Eh.

5) And dear god was the ending bad. Was it just so low budge that they couldn't keep the feed going or was that cutting in and out supposed to be dramatic? #SMH

D-

Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror

1) Eva Mendes is in it, she's a babe.

2) Kids are a lot better at kicking ass this movie. I mean in that first one the dude obviously pwns like 35 of the kids at once. In the first scene of this movie the kids are just making it rain.

3) I'm not quite sure why they had to have 400 sub-plots. There's the goofy dude sitting in the house, that other guys sister like abandoned him, and the whole eva mendes trying to let that guy down. The whole thing was way too confusing for a traditional COTC movie.

4)The dudes head splitting in half at the end b/c the kids like got some weird superpowers was kinda stupid.

Pretty good, but it just dragged on and on even for such a short movie.

C-

Beavis and Butt-Head Do America

1) The plot is sick. The 2 dudes love their TV so goddamn much that they go on a quest throughout the country to find a new one. I fucking love TV and it's tight to see 2 soldiers joining me in the cause.

2) They also have the most immature humor in the world too and thats always super tight lol. #unit #wood #toolshed

3) The guy that does the voice for the agent is the old host of The Best of Unsolved Mysteries. That show is so tight, especially all of the ALIEN/UFO episodes.

4) For those of you out of the loop, B&B are coming back sometime in the fall. I guess it was originally scheduled for July but I hear rumors it's been scaled back further.

What a great movie,

A+

An American Werewolf in London

1)It was pretty good despite all the comedy attempts. Although I'm a big fan of the rom-com horror movies I have never been really wild about the comedy horror movies. All of the later Chucky movies were kind of n00b like that and I'm not terribly wild about the comedy parts of this one.

2) I did however enjoy the quasi love story going on between the wolfguy main character and the nurse. I don't know if the best way to TKO that at the end was to have him get shot but I guess I don't know how else they'd end it.

3) Kinda spooky that the dude's friend comes back to visit him after he gets mauled. Don't get it twisted, I miss DB being gone in BF Michigan and all, but man if he goes first I don't want him coming back to scare the shit out of me. Although it'd be kinda tight to kick it if we were both ghosts.

4) The dude's lady friend is Andy's mom from Child's Play 2 lol.

Solid stuff

B

My Bloody Valentine 3D

1) After watching part of this movie 4234 times and finally making it through it I'm convinced it's pretty legit. It touches all the bases of a sick horror movie and has some pretty good scary parts.

2) I really need to watch these movies in 3D. Kind of like when me and @enronnie watched The Final Destination [Blu-ray 3D], the movies look kinda stupid when they're made for 3D but turn into 2D format. Although there were some jumpy parts, there was some equally jitsu parts where you could tell what was about to happen given the screen formatting lol.

3) Maybe it's just because I just recently reviewed The Uninvited, but the whole "oh my god, I'm the actual killer" part at the end seemed kind of ho hum. I thought the end-end part where the killer put on the worker's clothes Michael Myers style was good though.

4) There were some goofy characters. That cop with the old guy at the end looked like she was 12, it must have been take your daughter to work day lol. And what were those dudes doing going down in the shaft at the end again? Did they miss the whole point of the movie?

Oh, and the killer's name is harry WARDEN lol.

B+

Dallas- Friday @ noon

What's good bw, coming at you from north texas lol. Supposedly within an hour of dallas. UPDATE: just got to denton. Have to #1. Need a drink too LOL.

Dallas

What's good blog world. As some of you might know already, I really don't like traveling, I really don't like big cities, and I really don't like Dallas.

Nonetheless, Me @lkcolt and @jordenwise are making moves down south this weekend to go to leg 2 of the Strikeforce Grandprix at that jitsu Cowboys stadium. Stay tuned for live updates starting @5:30 am as we take off. As much as I'm complaining about this, it should be a pretty tight weekend.

Red Riding Hood

Uhhhhhhhhhh

1) I've never been wild about the whole werewolf genre, but I didn't think this could go wrong with Amanda Seyfried in it. Boy howdy was I wrong.

2) It seemed like an odd mix of a bad made-for-tv mystery movie and some jitsu soap opera. You know how you watch a soap opera and everybody's sleeping with everyone, and then everyone's out to kill everyone? It was like that but with a wolf. First they found out that her future husband was actually her sister's half-brother (you can't make this stuff up), then her grandma's the wolf, then it's the mother, yadayadaya.

3) I know there's the whole folktale stuff about this, but really why would anyone wear the red hood? It's like a giant spotlight is on the chick the whole time alerting the woof every time she makes moves across the town. I'm no literary buff, but this seems kinda jitsu.

4) I'm also unsure how this was scary at all. Every time the wolf pops out he's talking through this stupid mask. Also why don't they just stay inside? I know the houses aren't tornado proof or anything but I'll bet they can keep the wolf out.

D+

No Strings Attached

1) The music was tight at the beginning. Big shout out to SHAKE YA TAILFEATHER. Any reference to Bad Boys II (Widescreen Edition) automatically bumps a movie's rating up a few notches.

2) The whole part where he's talking to the girls about their biological functions is pretty gross.

3) The movie was pretty long and ho hum in the middle. But FWIW Ashton Kutcher has some way of having tight romcom movie endings. The beach in What Happens in Vegas, obvi A Lot Like Love, Just Married, and now this are all money. The last like 10 seconds where they decide to go big or go home really makes up for most of the movie's mediocrity.

B-

Wes Craven's New Nightmare

Getting in a quick blog post after a busy day LOL

1) This was a pretty spooky movie for the first hour. The spooky part about the movie thats about a movie is that it could happen in real life. It's why Chucky is so spooky: BECAUSE EVERYONE THINKS HE'S NOT REAL.

2) It's also scary because the kid from Pet Sematary and Kindergarten Cop is pretty spooky. Then again I think most little kids in scary movies are generally terrifying so maybe it's just me.

3) The problem with this movie is it goes wrong where the rest of the Nightmare on Elm Street sequels go wrong (which I haven't reviewed yet lol): after the first 30 minutes. Don't get it twisted, there's a bunch of Nightmare movies that are definitely top 25, but for a lot of the sequels they just get jitsu when Freddy's world gets introduced. I mean, come on, Freddy's tongue is really a weapon in this one? And what was up the stupid earthquakes the whole time? Freddy can't really have that much power over tectonic plate shifts can he?

In the end it's lightyears ahead of some of the sequels, but still well behind the rest.

C-

The Graduate

1) It looks like the dude is looking out of a Michael Myers mask at the beginning of the movie when the dude keeps jumping in the pool. I have an blog post in the works that talks about all the Michael Myers look a likes. It'll be tight.

2) Alan kept talking about the water symbolism but I don't get it. It's like he's confused whenever he sees the water? I dunno.

3) I never figured out that the ending was famous, I had just seen it in Wayne's World. This ending was pretty stupid. They decide to leave the wedding to go away together and then have that 'oh shit' look when they realize they don't know what they're doing. Reason 4232 not to make any impromptu marriage decisions lol.

4) Oh and Wayne's World runs laps around this movie.

D

The Hangover: Part 2

1) I'm really torn about the movie. It went from being really funny to me getting ADD in the middle of it. I'm not sure how long it was but it seemed like there were parts where I was just waiting for them to yell that they figured out where the kid was.

2) There were some really tight parts. The whole silent monk thing was good and so was the IHOP/dentist bit.

3) I think they were trying to overdo zach galifinabalabbalsosfh. There were too many scenes that just honed in on his face. I never got why zooming in on someones face was LOL.

4) It was still pretty solid. I think the biggest problem for this was just that it had to follow The Hangover which was so good. It's not that this movie was bad, it was just lightyears behind the original.

Worth a trip to the movies,

B